Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The LVP Watch

Week 8 of the National Football League is in the books, so it's time to once again see who really stunk the joint out again this past weekend. A quick reminder, players on this list are guys that are on the field - and killing their teams with awful play - and no, Dre Bly is not on here, although if he keeps pulling stunts like "letting Greg Jennings run past him like he was standing still," he could earn consideration in the future.

So, once again, T3I bring you the LVP Watch.

1. Alex Barron - tackle, St. Louis Rams. A steady performer whose consistently crappy play has enabled him to climb to the very top of this list - his ineptitude has to be celebrated. Now, to be fair, the Rams have lost their entire offensive line to injuries this year, which is absolutely absurd. In fact, Barron is the only starter from the beginning of the season who's still playing so it's probably not fair to single him out, but you know what? At the bar this Sunday I glanced over at the Rams game and the first thing I saw was Barron giving up a sack, so sorry Alex, life isn't fair. Block someone, help your team win a game, or just continuing sucking and maybe you can win LVP.

2. Joey Porter - Linebacker, Miami Dolphins. Like the Rams, the Dolphins are still winless and there is plenty of blame to go around, just ask the 1972 Dolphins. I was thinking of rotating a couple of different dolphins onto this list, but Porter's performance is so underwhelming and his salary is so outrageous, he's a keeper. When the best thing anyone can say about you is that you might not get cut, you are an LVP Superstar. The fact that Porter is a loudmouth helps as well, in fact, even a winless record doesn't shut Joey up, after the Giants game he predicted the Dolphins won't go 0-16. Say what you will about the guy, at least he's got goals. One last Porter related note, the Miami Herald paid him the ultimate back handed compliment on his performance Sunday and who doesn't love back handed compliments?

3. Shaun Alexander - Running back, Seattle Seahawks. There's an old saying in football that a starter doesn't lose his job due to injury. Well here at T3I, we have a saying, you don't lose your spot on the LVP watch list because of a bye, so just because he didn't play, it doesn't mean he gets dropped. We aren't the only ones to notice Shaun's performance, his stellar play this year is garnering great headlines like Shaun of the Dead, and when your fantasy football trade value is down to a Tootsie Pop and bag of cat litter, well that about says it all.

4. Tarvaris Jackson - Quarterback, Minnesota Vikings. Tarvaris, our leader last week, slips to number 4, simply because he didn't play. It's true that Kelly Holcomb and Brooks Bollinger combined to complete only 14 passes, so he's not the only problem in Minnesota, but let's keep in mind that in games he starts, he only averages 11.75 completions per game. With a great run D and Adrian Peterson, this team should be better. Tarvaris and his fellow quarterbacks are so bad, Jeff George thinks he has a shot to get back in the league. A quick aside here, is there anyone more delusional than Jeff George? Corey Haim's comeback plans seem more plausible, anyway, don't worry Vikings fans, if he's healthy, Tarvaris will start on Sunday.

5. Chad Pennington - Quarterback, NY Jets. A bad performance by Chad against the Bills on Sunday (13-20, 106 yards, 78.3 rating) means that Kellen Clemens era has begun in Jet land. Clemens will most likely play the rest of the season, dropping Pennington from the list. I love Pennington's determination, his heart, and his desire, however that chicken wing of an arm is not capable of getting the ball downfield - especially in the notoriously windy Meadowlands.

Dropped out:

Fernando Bryant/Stanley Wilson - starting cornerbacks, Detroit Lions (nice game against the Bears)

Knocking on the Door:

Cedric Benson

Daunte Culpepper
Brian Griese
Jason Campbell

Winston Justice - One note about Justice, Jon Runyan has a broken tailbone and was questionable for last Sunday's game, if he had been unable to go, Justice would have started. Justice is so bad, he made me care about the well being of another man's ass.

Got suggestions of your own -feel free to leave them in the comments section.

1 comment:

Nick Loucks said...

How about Dre Bly? While presenting the starting lineups on MNF, he said he and Champ Bailey were going to lockdown the Packers WR.

They both were burned by long Favre TD passes - once each for good measure.