Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The LVP Watch


Look deep into the eyes of a douchebag

Finding the worst player in the NFL is easy - just find the 53rd guy on the Miami Dolphins and you're set. Finding the worst player who's actually PLAYING is harder (note to self, in the future stick to easy things, like picking on Greg Robinson). It seems that not only do most of the crappy players I put on this list suck, these over paid losers keep getting injured.

It goes to show you that even though NFL coaches spend all those hours in the office, they are missing some very basic things - for instance, don't injure Alex Smith - he sucks, you WANT him on the field - if you are going to injury someone, injury Tom Brady, and for the love of God, do it soon, because he's going to destroy the Eagles on Sunday.

With that being said, let's get to the list:

1. Shaun Alexander - Running back, Seattle Seahawks. He's still injured, and hasn't played in two weeks, but he still really sucks. For the season he's averaging 3.3 yards per carry and still has few touchdowns than Chargers defensive back Antonio Cromartie.

2. Byron Leftwich - Quarterback, Atlanta Falcons. Remember when this former number one draft pick was considered the cornerstone of the Jaguars franchise? Let me refresh your memory, it was this past summer, right before he got cut. Now, he's getting benched for Joey Harrington, and he played so bad in doing so, that Harrington actually got cheered when he entered the game. I think Joey will be sending Byron a Christmas card this year.

3. Alex Smith - Quarterback, San Francisco 49ers. He too is injured, and seeking a second opinion on his shoulder, meaning most likely that he'll be put on injured reserve and I'll have to find another crappy player to take his place. In addition to appalling stats (48.7 completion percentage, 914 yards, 4 picks and a 57.2 passer rating) he is obviously determined to make my life more difficult, and that pisses me off.

4. Cedric Benson - Running Back, Chicago Bears. People who dispute this will point to his decent week against the Seahawks on Sunday, but I point to the fact that Thomas Jones, the guy that he replaced, had a better week against a better defense (Pittsburgh) so all you Cedric Benson apologists can suck it. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know there are no Cedric Benson apologists, it just looked funny to add in there. He still sucks.

5. Shawne Merriman - Linebacker, San Diego Chargers. I don't like Shawne Merriman, from the dumb way he spells his name, to the "lights out" dance, to the fact that got busted last year for using steroids, he comes off as a jerk. Lucky for us, you know who else doesn't like Shawne Merriman? Maurice Jones Drew - that's who - check this out:



31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ya shawne merriman has done nothing since he has to play the game clean!!Since he got busted he looks pretty tame to me! Without the Rx shawne is average at best!!

Anonymous said...

You'r just mad because you drafted these guys in your fantasy league..douchebag

Anonymous said...

Yeah you're right....idiot....Merriman only racked up 17 sacks last year in 12 games....pretty tame. You can thank Ted Cottrell for the way Merriman is used this year. Cottrell should be added to the list for finding the only way to tame an otherwise awesome defense

Brad said...

Sorry, but Fred Miller for the bears is easily the worst player starting in the NFL. The guy is a revolving door. Gave up 3 sacks and had 4 false starts all in one game last week.

Russianator said...

Charger fans are awful touchy these days - its amazing what Norv Turner will do to a fan base.

Merriman's a good player, I just wanted to get the clip of him getting blown up on their.

It doesn't make him any less of a jackass though.

Anonymous said...

what about the most overrated DB..Roy Williams. He cant cover, and he horsecollars on every play.

He is awful!

The Sports Hernia said...

Alex Smith's needs to ditch the skintight sleeves and borrow Koy Detmer's mulch beard.

The Sports Hernia said...

True story: After slamming a Jaeger bomb last night, I did the Merriman "lights out dance" and walked out without paying.

Anonymous said...

amen to the Roy Williams comment....he must have gone to the Deion Sanders School of Tackling

Anonymous said...

The Niners' offense is atrocious, and Smith deserves a good portion of the blame, but how about Darrell Jackson? He is probably the worst receiver that I've ever had the (dis)pleasure of viewing (and he still starts). To put it kindly, "he couldn't catch a cold in the middle of Siberia." What a waste of a fourth-round pick. To think, the Patriots got Moss from the Raiders for the same price. Simply awful.

PartMule said...

Lame. Merriman's still a helluva player. Nice try, however weak.

Russianator said...

I'm an Eagles fan, the first two weeks I started this thing,Winston Justice was number one, if he was still playing, he'd probably still be there. Merriman does not suck, but he did get his ass kicked by a 5'7" guy sunday, so if you want to do your stupid lights out dance, then you get your lights knocked out, that's funny.

Good suggestions on other players, we'll keep an eye out for ineptitude where ever it lurks.

Anonymous said...

Adam Archuleta makes Roy Williams look like Bob Sanders. He is easily the worst starter in the NFL.

Anonymous said...

Did you forget Kyle Bowler? And typical New Yorker comment about Boston. Syracuse sucks assmunch.

Wolverine2000 said...

I have to agree with Archuleta comment from earlier. I read somewhere that the last 3 teams he has been on have dropped 5-10 spots as far as defensive rankings from the year before Archuleta to the year he was there.

And how is Rex Grossman not the worst starter?

Anonymous said...

I'm not listening to any argument that doesn't start with Minnesota's Tarvaris Jackson.

Anonymous said...

hey Mr. D-Jack hater. Look at him last year (hint 10 TDs in 13 games), or throughout the rest of his career as a Seahawk. I don't think all the blame is on him. Show me a 49er who does anything.

I suspect D-Jack's issue is already on this list (Alex Smith).

As far as Merriman goes, he isn't top 5 LVP. He is however the MVJ (most valuable jackass)

Anonymous said...

I demand that 'Starting Chicago Bears Quarterback' earn a permanent position on the list. Whoever it is on a week to week basis.

Anonymous said...

Merriman can't do good in a big game. Maybe thats when he lays off the 'roids!

Anonymous said...

i would have to put saints cornerback jason david at number one. that guy does nothing but get burnt and yet he still starts. what a fantastic free agent signing he was! the saints defense bleauxs!

Anonymous said...

It's gotta be Jason David. He replaced Fred Thomas who was so bad they nicknamed him "Toast". What gets burned more ofthen than toast? Answer: Jason David.

Bill said...

Personally...I just loved the "OWNED!!!!!" at the end of the clip.

ajo1124 said...

#1 should be Stuart Schweigert. He's the absolute worst player in the NFL. He's scared to tackle. He dives at ankles and closes his eyes. Nobody gives up as many long runs as the Raiders because of #30.

Anonymous said...

russianator needs to utilize 'grammar-check' before posting.

one additional note - philadelphia will lose to a boston team this weekend. AGAIN.

Anonymous said...

you eastern bastards foregot the biggest Douche of them all, and that would be the San Diego Chargers front office,.. Norv Turner couldn't coach a pop warner team, let alone any NFL team. Letting Marty go was the biggest mistake this franchise made since drafting Ryan Leaf.

Anonymous said...

for u douches who said roy williams...watch him play then say that u queers...we all kno who the worst player in the league is..and that would be daunte culpepper....he fucking blows

joe said...

donovan mcnabb blows...he sucks and is overrated, he should be number 1

Anonymous said...

how can Shaun Alexander be one of the worst player in the league. Just few seasons ago he was the mvp and set the record for rushing td. He was a big reason why the seahawks made it to superbowl XL. I think the worst starter in the league is Tarvaris jackson the QB for minesota. he has 2 td and 6 pick and a 55 qb rating. He doesnt seem like he can complete a pass. the wikings should play simone rice as qb after that beautiful pass to the TE

Anonymous said...

Merriman, he got caught, plain and simple. He is obviously not s.m.r.t. because how many players in the league don't get caught? Never been a fan of his. One year wonder....maybe another half. Tops

Anonymous said...

Winston Justice couldn't block a toddler in a big wheels coming around the corner. He gave me acid reflux after watching his performance on national television. After the game, I got a little horny and my main biznatch blocked my advances better than Justice could have. He sucks...so does my main hoe. Literally.

Anonymous said...

Your view on who is bad in the NFL is almost as bad as your spelling and/or grammar. Almost.