Friday, November 30, 2007

New York Knicks Add Syracuse to Schedule


New York, NY - In an unusual scheduling move, sources have indicated that the New York Knicks have added Syracuse University to their schedule. The game will take place on December 15, replacing the road game the Knicks are scheduled to have against the New Jersey Nets.


After scoring 59 points last night against the Celtics, the unprecedented scheduling maneuver was seen as a last ditch effort by Coach and General Manager Isiah Thomas to play against a team the Knicks could actually break 60 against. In return, it fits in perfectly with Syracuse Athletic Director Dr. Daryl Gross' "Orange in the Apple," campaign and will build on his efforts to make Syracuse "New York's" team.


A source in the Knicks organization, who requested anonymity due to the fear of Thomas sexually harassing him, said the deal was in the works for the last 3 years, but only fell into place over the last two days. "When Syracuse gave up 59 points in one half to UMass on Wednesday and the very next night the Knicks could only score 59 in an entire game, that was really what finally got this deal done," the source said.


While NBA Commissioner David Stern has yet to grant final approval of the game, those close to him say that he's leaning towards approving it, with the rationale being that anything that will allow what was once one of the NBA's premier franchises to score more points than a girls high school basketball team is a good thing.


When reached for comment Gross was non-committal, but said, "I've known Isiah for some time and I admire the man's management skills. Obviously New York is important for us and important for Syracuse University, and it should be since it's so close. I mean its only takes 4o minutes to get there on a private jet, so NYC and Madison Square Garden really should be our home away from home. Playing the Knicks, if that were to happen, makes perfect sense."


Thomas was in no mood to talk after the thorough ass beating the Celtics administered and refused to directly address the issue, saying, "I've got other things to worry about right now, I've got trade offers from every team in the league and I need to go do some research. Hey, do you know if Penny Hardaway is still alive, I was thinking of bringing him back - I think he could help us."


The game would replace Syracuse's game that day against East Tennessee State, who in turn, would play against the Knicks scheduled opponent, the New Jersey Nets. Net officials are not concerned about a drop off in attendance, since recent polls show that most New Jersey residents believe they are already playing in Brooklyn.


Syracuse Coach Jim Boeheim was not pleased with the news, saying, "What??? I mean obviously the Knicks are overrated - but if we have to play NBA teams the rest of the year we won't win 10 games. Not 10. It's the most bullshit thing I've seen in 37 years of coaching. We can't guard anyone, we won't win 10 fucking games!"


Calls to the NCAA offices regarding approval were not returned.

3 comments:

Jameson Fleming said...

Well done.

Poncho Sinatra said...

Haha, hilarious! Nice Job!

Danny
Cusescoops

Soccer Uniform said...

well done to Celtics on 59 points.
Good Luck for NBA Commissioner David's final approval.