The LVP Watch - Sucking at Everything is Not an Option

Joey, listen carefully, I'm going to share with you all the secrets I've learned from being a successful executive, follow them and they will serve you well

Yes, I'm still doing this infernal list - and believe it or not (probably not, I know you're all cynical bastards) it actually takes more time than you'd think to put together. What started out as a funny gag has become a pain in my ass because the guys I put on the list each week simply do not want to cooperate. They are getting hurt, benched, or actually raising their level of play - few guys have what it takes to walk the fine line of sucking just enough to be terrible, yet still garner significant playing time.

Before we get to the list, I'd like to thank Brown for giving me the title to the post, which I stole from a comment he left regarding the Syracuse basketball team. It's a great line and really a motto everyone in the world should try and live by. Now, on to this week's list of dishonor:

1. JJ Harrington - Quarterback, Atlanta Falcons. The Sports Guy has taken to calling him by his full name John Joseph Harrington. Personally, I think JJ sounds more athletic, so in an effort to help him out, that's what I'm calling him. When he ends up with his 4th team next year, he should just change his name to JJ, change his number, grow some weird facial hair and try and trick people into thinking he's a completely different person. The odd thing about him is when you look at his stats, he's not really God awful, he's got a better passing rating, fewer interceptions and the same amount of touchdown passes as Vince Young (I know Young is a million times better, don't misinterpret) - but he seems to get pulled from every game, and this week was no exception.

So when you get replaced by Chris Redman, and he does better than you although he had only taken one snap all year, you get the number one spot JJ.

2. Jason David - Cornerback, New Orleans Saints. David ends up number two in honor of a season of futility and bad performances. By all accounts, he's has terrible this year and while you can't blame just him for Luke McCown - yes that's right Luke McCown - throwing for 313 yards, he certainly didn't help matters. He he didn't start but he was in on the second play of the game. He's got some real fans out there, and when your own coach has to defend you with words like, he's our starter - for now, that's not exactly a ringing endorsement. So, to recognize the fact that he should have been on the list much sooner, and to recognize the fact that even the local paper is mocking him, Jason David is number 2.

3. Shaun Alexander - Running back, Seattle Seahawks. I obviously don't think very highly of Mr. Alexander. He WAS a great back, but the number of carries and injuries have really slowed him down over the last two years. He's also awfully large these days, it's hard to tell the difference between him and the Seahawks starting fullback, a character named Leonard Weaver. Alexander had 65 yards against the Eagles, but it took him 20 carries to get them, whereas Maurice Morris had 64 yards on 5 carries. Simply put, Alexander lacks his former explosiveness, and isn't even half the back he used to be, if the Seahawks had 2004 Shaun Alexander, people would be REALLY worried about having to face them. For his career he's averaging 4.3 yards per carry, this year, it's 3.3, and that stinks.

4. AJ Feeley - Quarterback, Philadelphia Eagles. I hate AJ Feeley right now. He completed more passes to Lofa Tatupu than he did to Reggie Brown on Sunday and pissed away a great chance for the Eagles to get in position to make the playoffs. With the Cowboys coming up on the schedule, it's doubtful they can muster anything better than an 8-8, so when they are home watching the playoffs, Mr. Feeley should be proud of his accomplishments.

5. Cam Cameron - Head Coach, Miami Dolpins. I was going to put the whole Miami Dolphins team on the list, but they suck so colossally bad that singling out one player just didn't seem right. For a while I was on the Joey Porter sucks bandwagon, but he's actually played a lot better lately - not that it matters. Anyway, Cameron lands on this list for this reason, he called a timeout with 10 seconds left and his team down 27. Jesus man, if you're going to lose every week pick up the phone and call Greg Robinson and learn how to do it right. Get whatever fans are left out of the building as soon as possible, it's only fair to them.

Things are going so well down in Miami that it's becoming eerily similar to the Syracuse situation, with debates raging in the paper over whether a new coach should be fired and general misery and disappointment all around. The best quote I've seen to date on the future of the coach comes from Keith Traylor, who "wouldn't lose any sleep" over his coach being fired. You have to love the NFL.

Notes: I had Kyle Boller on the list last week, can't keep him there after almost beating the Patriots, Tarvaris Jackson is starting to look like an actual quarterback, Eli Manning saved himself with a 4th quarter miracle, and although Rex Grossman took some bad sacks, he played better than we've all come to expect.

Bears tackle Fred Miller and Panthers QB David Carr we benched (Carr demoted to 3rd string) and surprisingly Alex Barron didn't get Gus Frerotte killed. He must really just hate Marc Bulger or something.