Move over Mitchell, here comes the Idiot Report

The big news last week was the "naming of the names" in the Mitchell Report. T3I has already reviewed the athletes who should have been on steroids. Implicated by Senator Mitchell were both the greatest hitter and pitcher of our generation. Who then can our youth turn to cheer for when all of their heroes are alleged dopers and cheaters? Fear not T3I has the answers.

Today, we officially unveil the Idiot Report as we name the names of our Anti-Steroid Hall of Fame. As one of our many public services, we have compiled a list of those in the world of sports you can be certain are not involved in the use of illegal steroids. Peformance enhancing? No way. Cholesterol enhancing? Quite possibly.

Compelling evidence has shown the following athletes have tested positive for HGH (Hardees, gravy, and Hostess). In addition we have discovered numerous cancelled checks paid to the order of Krispy Kreme, Pizza Hut, and Red Robin. Ladies and Gentleman, the Idiot Report.

Pat Shadle, Syracuse University

Let's be honest, this photo does this man no justice. The official SU roster has Pat listed as 5-8, 201 lbs. I would never doubt what the athletic department tells us, but we're not buying the two-bills count.

Mark Mangino, KU Head Coach

T31 loves Coach Mangino. The big man is large and in charge. Also, he was named Walter Camp and AP Coach of the year. Coming to a club on South Beach soon.

David Wells, MLB

Another favorite of T3I. We bet the only weights Boomer lifts are of the 12-ounce variety.

John Kruk, Phillies

Bonus points for the mullet.

John Daly, PGA Tour
PTI toss up: 382, John Daly's longest drive, or his cholesterol level?

Fernando Valenzuela, LA Dodgers

It looks like retirement has been very, very good to Fernando.

Billy Paultz, Utah Jazz
Anyone nicknamed "The Whopper" is cool in our book.

Cecil Fielder, AL Slugger

Cec-daddy really rocked the pinstripe look. Son Prince is sure to follow Dad on this list one day.

Terry Forster, Fat Tub of Goo

Those aren't our words, they're Dave Letterman's.

Others receiving votes: Rick Reuschel, Romeo Crennel, Retired Patrick Ewing, TNT Charles Barkely, Robert Tractor Traylor, Sal Fassano