Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Bring on the Pitt Panthers! Come 12:00 Saturday college football may be set back 40 years when Grob and The 'Stache battle wits. Two week ago T3I took a closer look at all things bulls. This week we turn to all things Pitt, Pittsburgh or Panthers.

Pitfall: Big time thumbs up. Little Champ spent many hours on the Atari 2600 leaping over rolling logs and trying to land on crocodile eyes. Good times.

Old Pitt Logo: Thumbs up. Big props to the groups out there trying to bring back this classic look from the '80's. Let's be honest, the new logo/color scheme looks terrible.

Jerome Lane: Thumbs up for contributing to the greatest in-game soundbite ever.

Pink Panther Movies: Thumbs down. I never really got the whole Inspector Clousseau thing.

Pink Panther Cartoons: Thumbs down. Yawn.

The Peach Pit 90210: Thumbs down. Melrose Place was much more happening.

Pittsburgh Airport: Big thumbs up. Love the mall inside, great time killer during a layover.

The Money Pit: Thumbs up. Solid 80's flick you might find on Comedy Central some Saturday afternoon. Featuring a pre-Oscar Tom Hanks and a soon-to-be-out-of-Boston Diane Chambers.

Michigan Panthers: Thumbs up for the first USFL champions.

Phil Connors: Thumbs up to the best damn weatherman in Pittsburgh. Thumbs up to the best damn weatherman in Pittsburgh. Thumbs up to the....

The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh: Thumbs down, Dr. J you are better than this.

Mr. Belvedere: Thumbs down to this 80's show set in the 'burbs of Pittsburgh. Uecker couldn't even save this one.

Primanti Brothers: Thumbs (and cholesterol level) up. Champ spent a year living in Pittsburgh; they know how to eat down there.

Barry Bonds in Pittsburgh: Thumbs........well, he used to look normal.

Florida Panthers: What is this "hockey" you talk of?

Carolina Panthers cheerleader story from 2005: Thumbs up. T3I thoroughly enjoys stupidity.

Kevin PITT-snogle: Thumbs up: Snogs & Gansey were two non-Cuse favorites of a couple of the Idiots.

Pass the Primanti Bros. sandwich and my Atari 2600.

Clip (s) of the Week

There is really no getting around it - the clip of week is something we posted 4 days ago and has been posted on every web site across the country, plus being shown 9 million times on ESPN, so you've seen it, but it's so good, I'm putting it back up anyway. It has to be the clip of the decade (except for all Kige Ramsey videos of course). For the 100th time, I give you, Trinity v. Millsaps:

Some bonus clips for you, courtesy of Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician, we have a completely maniacal and most likely mildly retarded Pitt Panther fan here.

And to honor the end of the Chad Pennington era in NY, here's a message from Chad, on why drugs are bad - the Pitt Panther fan referenced above should pay close attention to this message (if you're at work, cut the volume with 15 seconds to go - apparently Chad has some Tom Brady anger issues).

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

File This One Under Creative Marketing

A friend of mine just relayed this FANTASTIC e-mail from StubHub. If you are somehow unfamiliar, StubHub is a ticket broker and on their site they even brag that they can get tickets to "sold out events." However, if you are a fan of the Orange, they still want your business - and they aren't afraid to get creative when when looking for it.

Below is the text they sent out trying to drum up ticket sales for SU's last two home games of the year:

See the Orange fight to go undefeated in November!

Hey [name redacted],

Buy tickets to see the Syracuse Orange take the field against the Bulls and Bearcats in November! Have tickets you can't use? Sell them on StubHub — with FREE Listings and FREE shipping! Just set your price and leave customer service to us.

2007 Home Game Schedule

11/10 –
South Florida At Syracuse

11/24 –
Cincinnati At Syracuse

Now, I'm as positive and upbeat as the next guy - actually I'm not - but "See the Orange fight to go undefeated in November," is one of the most insane marketing pitches I've ever heard. Not to mention the fact that there were about 20,000 people in the building versus Buffalo and uh, tickets aren't hard to come by. Check out any scalper outside the dome on game day, those poor bastards look like they're ready to swallow a bullet any minute.

I can only imagine some of Stubhub's other marketing ideas:

Hey Female New Yor Knick Fans - Come see Isiah Thomas fight to NOT sexually harass anyone!

Hey Miami Dolphin Fans - Come see the Dolphins fight to keep their new quarterback from suffering massive concussions!

Hey [insert random hockey team name here] Fans - Come see hockey - seriously, please come see hockey, its still a sport.

Noon Football Games Suck

It's 9 am - what do you want on your burger?

Like many college football fans, one of things I really enjoy about the experience is tailgating. Combine some cold adult beverages, some charred meat on a grill, the anticipation of a big game and some good natured debate/arguing with your idiotic friends in a parking lot and that's the recipe for a good time, every time.

As a Syracuse season ticket holder that lives 2 hours from the Dome, the distance obviously complicates the tailgating situation, but it's certainly not insurmountable. However, when you add into the equation the fact that almost every home game now starts at noon, it's not even worth the effort. Local Syracuse fans who enjoy tailgating can get those breakfast recipes ready because the Syracuse-South Florida game will kick off at noon. It marks the 4th noon home game this year, and that really blows.

The answer to this dilemma is simple - GET BETTER and the networks will actually pick games up and put them on at decent times. Noon games are for Big Ten teams wearing red uniforms..........and now for SU - Ugh.

In the meantime, I guess we are stuck reading about truly great tailgating events, like The World's Greatest Outdoor Cocktail Party that took place last week.

The LVP Watch

Week 8 of the National Football League is in the books, so it's time to once again see who really stunk the joint out again this past weekend. A quick reminder, players on this list are guys that are on the field - and killing their teams with awful play - and no, Dre Bly is not on here, although if he keeps pulling stunts like "letting Greg Jennings run past him like he was standing still," he could earn consideration in the future.

So, once again, T3I bring you the LVP Watch.

1. Alex Barron - tackle, St. Louis Rams. A steady performer whose consistently crappy play has enabled him to climb to the very top of this list - his ineptitude has to be celebrated. Now, to be fair, the Rams have lost their entire offensive line to injuries this year, which is absolutely absurd. In fact, Barron is the only starter from the beginning of the season who's still playing so it's probably not fair to single him out, but you know what? At the bar this Sunday I glanced over at the Rams game and the first thing I saw was Barron giving up a sack, so sorry Alex, life isn't fair. Block someone, help your team win a game, or just continuing sucking and maybe you can win LVP.

2. Joey Porter - Linebacker, Miami Dolphins. Like the Rams, the Dolphins are still winless and there is plenty of blame to go around, just ask the 1972 Dolphins. I was thinking of rotating a couple of different dolphins onto this list, but Porter's performance is so underwhelming and his salary is so outrageous, he's a keeper. When the best thing anyone can say about you is that you might not get cut, you are an LVP Superstar. The fact that Porter is a loudmouth helps as well, in fact, even a winless record doesn't shut Joey up, after the Giants game he predicted the Dolphins won't go 0-16. Say what you will about the guy, at least he's got goals. One last Porter related note, the Miami Herald paid him the ultimate back handed compliment on his performance Sunday and who doesn't love back handed compliments?

3. Shaun Alexander - Running back, Seattle Seahawks. There's an old saying in football that a starter doesn't lose his job due to injury. Well here at T3I, we have a saying, you don't lose your spot on the LVP watch list because of a bye, so just because he didn't play, it doesn't mean he gets dropped. We aren't the only ones to notice Shaun's performance, his stellar play this year is garnering great headlines like Shaun of the Dead, and when your fantasy football trade value is down to a Tootsie Pop and bag of cat litter, well that about says it all.

4. Tarvaris Jackson - Quarterback, Minnesota Vikings. Tarvaris, our leader last week, slips to number 4, simply because he didn't play. It's true that Kelly Holcomb and Brooks Bollinger combined to complete only 14 passes, so he's not the only problem in Minnesota, but let's keep in mind that in games he starts, he only averages 11.75 completions per game. With a great run D and Adrian Peterson, this team should be better. Tarvaris and his fellow quarterbacks are so bad, Jeff George thinks he has a shot to get back in the league. A quick aside here, is there anyone more delusional than Jeff George? Corey Haim's comeback plans seem more plausible, anyway, don't worry Vikings fans, if he's healthy, Tarvaris will start on Sunday.

5. Chad Pennington - Quarterback, NY Jets. A bad performance by Chad against the Bills on Sunday (13-20, 106 yards, 78.3 rating) means that Kellen Clemens era has begun in Jet land. Clemens will most likely play the rest of the season, dropping Pennington from the list. I love Pennington's determination, his heart, and his desire, however that chicken wing of an arm is not capable of getting the ball downfield - especially in the notoriously windy Meadowlands.

Dropped out:

Fernando Bryant/Stanley Wilson - starting cornerbacks, Detroit Lions (nice game against the Bears)

Knocking on the Door:

Cedric Benson

Daunte Culpepper
Brian Griese
Jason Campbell

Winston Justice - One note about Justice, Jon Runyan has a broken tailbone and was questionable for last Sunday's game, if he had been unable to go, Justice would have started. Justice is so bad, he made me care about the well being of another man's ass.

Got suggestions of your own -feel free to leave them in the comments section.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Real Men of Genius- ND fans

I have as many World Series rings as A-Rod.

That's a fact my friends. But the bigger insult might be "A-Rod is a Duke fan!"

I can't say I'm surprised of the "opt-out." Let's be honest, all Yankee fans knew what we were gettting involved with when he came aboard in 2004. I will miss the gaudy numbers and production from your spot in the order.

I will not miss your disappearing act in October.

Good luck wherever you may land. Some words of advice: if you sign with an AL team, think Bobby Bonilla when you come to the Bronx.

Everyone is now tied for first-place, go Yanks!

Deep NFL Thoughts - By an Idiot

Here is this idiot's take on a few of things that happened in the NFL this weekend as I try to avoid Red Sox coverage....

  • I have never understood the desire to be a soccer hooligan, but if I lived in England and watched that abomination of a football game yesterday, it seems like a more pleasant alternative.

  • Who woke up Reggie Brown?

  • I watched enough of the Raiders-Titans game yesterday (and by enough I mean 7 plays) to honestly say that Gilbert Brown is faster than Daunte Culpepper.

  • Was Joe Gibbs even awake during that massacre yesterday?

  • There are so many different ways people in sports bars can be annoying, you've got your basic moron screaming at the top of his lungs, the douchebag wearing the jersey of a guy that was cut 2 years ago, the couple who bring their one year old and sit at the bar - this happened yesterday, seriously, what's wrong with people? However, far and away, The MOST ANNOYING TRAIT a person can display is to be the person yelling at the players on his/her (mainly his) favorite team, and calling them BY THEIR FIRST NAMES. Memo to the Vikings fan sitting next to me yesterday, you don't know Adrian Peterson, so please do not address him as though you do - jerk off.

  • Norv Turner may have finally figured out how to not screw this season up - although I reserve judgement until the beat a decent team - the Texans looked like they remembered they are still the Texans yesterday.

  • Chad Pennington, it's over buddy.

  • Andy Reid, I'm begging you to do two things for me - keep running the ball and for God's sake, eat a salad.

Predictions for the Week Ahead

No SU football game to complain about, no Syracuse basketball players shattered a backboard, and I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear me break down the scintillating Eagles-Vikings game yesterday, so I thought I'd look into my crystal ball and offer some predictions on the week ahead:

  • The Red Sox win the World Series, the Patriots are undefeated and the games aren't even close and the Celtics start their season this week, I predict Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, gets treated for priapism.

  • The scoreboard operator at Gillette Stadium suffers an attack of carpel tunnel syndrome

  • Peter Gammons gets accolades (deservedly so) for calling out A-Rod

  • When asked a question by a member of the media, Greg Robinson won't know something

  • Rich Rodriguez's wife burns all tapes of their loss to South Florida so he doesn't kill himself

  • Bud Selig announces that the International League and the National League will swap places next year

  • Hospital rooms all across the state of Connecticut are flooded with Husky fans who broke their own arms slapping themselves on the back

  • Maybe, just maybe, there may be one or two stories written about the Patriots-Colts game next Sunday.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

2 seconds is an eternity.

This isn't just coach-speak. You may have missed this final score from Division III on Saturday:

Trinity University- 28
Millsaps- 24

And you probably missed the first 59 minutes and 58 seconds of the game. Not to worry, T31 is here to provide you with the last 2 seconds of gametime:

Here's the SI writeup.

Friday, October 26, 2007


For those of you unfamiliar with the Idiots, I'd like to give you some background information . We are three educated, professional, down-to-earth guys who enjoy arguing with each other about stupid things-- usually sports related. We enjoy a legal beverage now and then, tasty pub fare, and watching football in our respective man caves. Basically we consider ourselves pretty ordinary, open-minded, accepting folks.

However, there is one character trait that absolutely boils our blood: smugness.

T3I has conducted a highly scientific poll (cough, cough, it's just us) to answer an important question in the world of sports; smug or not smug? We proudly present to you the T31 Smug-o-Meter.

How it works: Each idiot was provided with a list of personalities in the world of sports and given the opportunity to vote smug or not smug. Write-ins were also allowed. Results are as follows:

Smug Gottlieb Hall of Fame: three noses in the air (three unamimous yes votes), these are the Dr. Michael Mancinis of the sporting world. Their unparalleled smugness which makes all of us sick to our stomachs when we see these fools. Named after the Babe Ruth of Smugness. Officially smug. Members include:
  • Skip Bayless
  • Brian Billick
  • Mike Brey
  • Curt Schilling
  • Quinn Snyder
  • Steve Phillips
  • Jerry Jones
  • Phil Jackson
  • Jim Rome
  • Mike Francessa
  • Tony Stewart
  • Matt Leinhart
  • Tiki Barber

Smug: two noses in the air (two yes votes) Congratulations, T3I officially deems you smug:

  • Colin Cowhard (yes- Russianator, Champ)
  • Chris Fowler (yes- Russianator, Champ)
  • Isiah Thomas (yes- Boss, Russianator)
  • Keith Olberman (yes- Boss, Russianator)
  • Jeff Gordon (yes- Boss, Russianator)
  • Pete Carrol (yes- Boss, Champ)

Dash of Smug: one nose in the air. Exhibits occasional moments of smug, but gets a pass for now. Officially not smug, however: we will be watching you.

  • Bobby Valentine (yes- Champ)
  • Brady Quinn (yes- Champ)
  • Pat Riley (yes- Boss)
  • Tim McCarver (yes- Boss)
  • Chris Collinsworth (Boss write-in)
  • Troy Aikman (Boss write-in)
  • Joe Lunardi (Boss write-in)
  • Bob Huggins (Boss write-in)
  • Joe Buck (Russianator write-in)

Smug-free: zero noses in the air.

  • Woody Paige (generally mentioned as just plain stupid, not smug)
  • Rick Pitino (the Jimmy B connections helped)
  • Mel Kiper (he's grown on us)

Hold em if You Got em

Do you love the NFL? Is the forward pass something you enjoy? If you answered yes to both of those questions and you are a fan of the San Francisco 49ers, you're out of luck.

For the rest of you red blooded, NFL fans, Rich Hofmann of the Philadelphia Daily News has an interesting story today about how rarely holding is called in the NFL. If you're too lazy to click on the link (and honestly, that's pretty lazy) the compelling statistic contained in the story is that in six Philadelphia Eagle games this year there have been 410 passes thrown, 45 sacks, and 6 holding penalties.

Those are numbers for both teams, so I'm not bitching about the Eagles getting screwed, I'm sure they hold as much as the next team, but think about that - on passing plays, 1.3% of the time a hold is going to be called. If I was an on-line coach, I'm teaching my linemen how to tackle guys. I'd also be fatter and have a really cool mustache, but that's a discussion for another time.

Blatant Rip Off Friday - My Pro Football Picks

Idiots are Stealing My Ideas....

Since I'm devoid of any original ideas today, I thought I would blatantly rip off the Sports Guy and post my weekly football picks and what was going through my mind as I made them, for our loyal readers. Bonus for all fans of T3I, unlike Simmons, you don't have to wait until 5 PM Friday to read this. (something tells me Bill isn't worried).

Some disclaimers before we start - these are my ACTUAL PICKS that I submitted to the pool I'm in at work. The lines used are the ones we are using this week and the home teams are in capital letters. I may or may not post them on a weekly basis, depending on how lazy I get, and I'm doing AWFUL this year, so if you are looking for some guidance, my best advice is to pull a George Costanza and do the opposite of everything that's below, it should work out for you. Here we go:

Giants (-9.5) over the DOLPHINS

This "home game" for Miami is being played in London, Jesse Chatman is the Dolphins starting running back, Zach Thomas isn't playing, and Channing Crowder admits he couldn't find London on a map. Oh yeah, did I mention Cam Cameron is the Dolphins head coach? I'll take the G-men. One last note on this one, its probably a good thing it's in London, since Miami fans don't exactly have a stellar history of supporting losing teams at home.

JETS (-3) over the Bills

Jets-Bills, it's the crappy game of the week - and if you live in NY like I do, you can see every play of this fun filled extravaganza. Something tells me my Sunday destination will include the words "sports" and "bar." I'm going with the Jets for a few reasons A) they are due B) they are at home C) the Bills are playing hard, but they are still devastated by injuries D) Trent Edwards is due for a bad game, even against a terrible defense and E) New Jersey passed a law revoking the Man-genius nickname from Mangini if the Jets lose, and there's no way he's giving that up, so I'm going with the Jets (sorry Anthony).

Browns (-3) over the RAMS

What's this world come to when the Browns are giving away points on the road and I'm totally confident they'll cover the spread? The Rams are putrid - and that's an insult to everything that's putrid. Their offensive line is terrible and even though Stephen Jackson is supposed to be back, Marc Bulger is walking around with that look on his face like those guys who get busted on to catch a predator - he knows it's over, and he's just hoping what comes next doesn't kill him.

Lions (+5) over the BEARS

The Bears defense is really beat up, God loves Jon Kitna more than the Bears, and I think Roy Williams is finally rested after his exhausting day last week delivering pizzas - so I'm going to roll the dice with the Lions. Besides, people don't seem to realize this, but Cedric Benson sucks. He sucks like a porn star - we're talking serious suckage here people.

Colts (-6.5) over the PANTHERS

Who is Carolina going to start at quarterback and does it really matter? Those are the questions. David Carr looks like some turn of the century magician these days - what is up with that look he's sporting? While some people may be inclined to think the Colts will be looking past this game and towards their showdown with the Patriots next week, I say that's not possible and here's why - Peyton knows if they are both undefeated next week it means one thing - MORE COMMERCIALS. He may not even practice next week, he may just shoot 500 TV spots.

Raiders (+7) over the TITANS

Ugh. Honestly I don't know and I don't really care. Basically it comes down to this - do the Titans ever win by more than a touchdown? Not that I can remember. One other note on this one - Daunte Culpepper hit the wall harder and quicker than Meg Ryan. It's sad really.

Eagles (-1) over the VIKINGS

I'm an insane Eagles fan, have been since I was 3, I can't discuss them rationally. Also, Tarvaris Jackson stinks, so take the Birds. That having been said, it wouldn't surprise me if he goes 18-23 for 250 yards and 3 tds on Sunday, that's just the way things seem to be going this year.

Steelers (-3.5) over the BENGALS

The men of steel don't really play well on the road, but it doesn't matter. Chad Johnson's insanity and Marvin Lewis' insistence on letting everyone do whatever the hell they want has finally caught up to the Bengals - they are done.

Texans (+10) over the CHARGERS

If not for the wild fires wreaking havoc on Southern California and the fact that they still don't know where this game will be played, I'd take the Chargers in a heartbeat. Especially since Sage Rosenfels may be playing quarterback for the Texans (who names their kid after an herb anyway?) However, in times of crisis, Norv Turner is not the name that comes to my mind, I think the Chargers win, but the Texans get the all important cover.

BUCS (pick) over Jags

I have two words for you, Quinn Gray. If you can look me in the eye and tell me you're wagering on Quinn Gray, well, God bless you (just make sure Jon Kitna approves).

Saints (-3) over the 49ERS

Alex Smith may try and come back early from a separated shoulder - that's how bad things are for the 49ers - a quarterback is attempting to play with a separated THROWING shoulder. Good work Trent Dilfer.

PATRIOTS (-16) over the Redskins

This line could be 100 and I'd take the P-men. Take the Patriots until they fail to cover one of these ginormous spreads - then take them the next week, they'll be taking their frustrations out.

BRONCOS (-3) over the Packers

Brett Favre on Monday Night Football - in what could be his last appearance on Monday Night Football. I'm already puking at the praise every member of the media will be covering him in. In fact, Peter King probably has his Monday Morning Quarterback column already written, it will go something like this - Brett Favre is dreamy, Brett Favre is special, Brett Farve makes my panties moist............kill me now. I pick the Broncos and Mike the Rat Shanahan out of spite.

Good luck to all this week - and remember, I'm an idiot.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

We won't lose this week!

Chins up Cuse fans. WE CAN"T LOSE THIS WEEK! In a T3I exclusive, here's what was heard around the Robinson house during bye week:

"Honey, where did we put that resume paper?"

"Hi Nancy, it's Coach it possible to enroll players this week?"

"I wonder how C.B.A. pays."

"Yes sir Doctor Gross...extra wax on the car this weekend. I hear you loud and clear. I won't forget to shampoo the floormats either."

"How can I get 14 players on the field at a time without getting caught?"

"I've finally figured it out-- we just need to score more points than the other team!"

"I've got nothing to worry about.....Coach Boeheim has been averaging 30,000 fans a game for years now, and he's not going anywhere!"

"Yes, I know Doctor Gross, I will pick up your dry cleaning right after I finish with the car washing."

"Hey, no, things are going great up here in Syracuse, I'm just talking hypothetically if I could have my old job back at Texas."

"I swore there was a finish-last-in-the-Big-East bonus in my contract."

"Now if Ron Popeil can sell people on that rotisserie cooker, then I can sell the fans on the rest of this season."

"Century 21 or Remax?"

"Absolutey Doctor Gross, I was planning on stopping at Wegman's anyways. I'd be glad to pick you up some scones."

"You know in video games you can just restart your season anytime you want. Maybe the NCAA can look into that."

"So the Raymore & Flanigan sale flyer has more pages than my playbook......who cares?"

"Yea guys, for the staff Halloween party I'm calling the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz costume! You guys fight it out for the rest."

"No problem Doctor Gross, I've re-tiled a bathroom before. I'll be there by 7:00AM."

"Ouch, that door really does hurt you when it hits you on the way out."

Champ Top 10

Here we go gang, this week's edition of The Champ Top 10:

1. Ohio State: Big road test vs. Joe Pa, early forecast calls for a "whiteout" at Beaver Stadium

2. University of Our Whole Athletic History is the Flutie Pass and The 92 Notre Dame Game: Playing Va Tech tonight....I'll be cheering for whatever is on the other channel

3. LSU: I really can't wait until they leap over the traitors from Chestnut Hill. Superfans, take solace.

4. Oklahoma: Norman, OK- this week's stop on the Dennis Franchione Fairwell Tour

5. Arizona State: EAST COAST BIAS ALERT--- I haven't seen much of this team this year.

6. West Virginia: They are big fans of Rutgers.

7. Oregon: Battling USC this week. Time to put up or shut up.

8. USC: Duck Hunt, classic Nintendo video game.

9. Virginia Tech: Ugh.

10. Sioux City, Iowa: Fly into Iowa, it really doesn't suck.

Jim Calhoun, Still a Dick

Look over here, look at me, it's not easy being this big of dick

I caught this little tidbit from Mike Waters' blog over at Turns out that at Big East Media Day, while talking about the infamous NCAA tournament snub of Syracuse last year, our good friend Jim Calhoun offered this pearl of wisdom.

"I really hate having to defend Syracuse, but it was done completely because (the NCAA committee) didn't feel they should take someone else from our league. That's wrong."

Thanks Jimbo, really. Except for everyone else on the planet, you're the best.

Even though it's clear he's kidding, in the newspaper story, Waters quotes him as saying it with a smile, I still find the man to be intolerable. There are about one million things he does that drive me insane, and one of my biggest pet peeves is that Calhoun walks all over the court during games, even when ball is live. Seriously, check it out sometime, he spends more time on the floor in one game than Matt Gorman did in 5 years at SU.

Look for him to make the winter sports edition of the Enemies of the Idiots. This season, he's also dabbled in football, and he clearly needs some decorum, and Jimmy B is just the kind of guy to give it to him - just ask the fine folks over at Orange 44.

I Should Probably Be Above this Sort of Thing

But I'm not. With the Red Sox crushing the Rockies last night, and with it looking right now like the Sox are cruising towards another World Series title, all I have to say to Boston fans is...

And while I couldn't find the actual clip of the Aaron Boone home run, this one is pretty funny.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

She's dressed in yellow...

Fellow idiot Russianator will recall many a trip through the lay-up line during pregame warmups with the lyrics of Young MC blaring over the PA system. Well, other than a random Celebrity Fit Club appearance, not much has been heard from the man who told advised one and all to "don't just stand there...bust a move!"

It's a slow time in the sports season, with baseball officially dead (thanks Yanks), and the adventures of GFraud and Doctor Daryl Gross ruining things on the Hill this fall, I turned to Young MC for inspiration.

What constitutes a one-hit wonder in the world of sports? I'm going with the working definition of "champions who should have been dynasties." Here goes:

1985 Chicago Bears: Domination personified. With (arguably) the greatest defense ever, and (arguably) the greatest running back of all time this was a team that should have run off three or four Super Bowl titles. A thrashing of the Patriots in Super Bowl XX was followed up by an 11-4 record and a divisional playoff loss to the Redskins. Buddy Ryan you were missed.

1984 Detroit Tigers: This team dominated MLB with a 104 win season which featured a 35-5 start to the season. They won the AL East by 15.5 games, back when only two divisions existed. Featuring an "in his prime" Jack Morris, Lou Whitaker, Alan Trammel and future MVP Kirk Gibson this team should have had another World Series title in them. Instead they fell to 3rd place in 1985 and wouldn't taste the posteason again until 1987.

1999 Rams: Remember the Greatest Show on Turf? Another team that should have squeezed out at least one more Super Bowl title. Of course they were two yards away from possibly not even getting one.

1995 Atlanta Braves: Where to begin with this one? Lots of opportunities to have added to their lone title. I bet they were distracted by Leo Mazzone's constant rocking back and forth.

1986 Mets: I'll be honest, I'm not crying any tears this team imploded. One of Little Champ's most hated teams growing up. Not a recipe for success: Dwight Gooden and cocaine, Sid Fernandez and cheeseburgers, and Bob Ojeda and electric hedge trimmers.

1989 A's: Not enough HGH to go around apparently in the late 80's.

Clip of the Week - Flying Fans

This Monday night the Green Bay Packers take on the Denver Broncos on Monday Night Football. For our Clip of the Week, we take you back to another time when the Packers played on Monday night. Their opponent - the Chicago Bears. It was a simpler time, a time when a pony tailed man proved that, if fueled by enough Old Style Ale, fans can fly. While most of us remember this great moment, let's take a trip back down memory lane, all the way back to 1995. Stick around for the interview Lynn Swann does at the end of the clip, you won't be disappointed.

Our Clip of the Week - the flying Bears fan............

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Crabtown woes

While the national NFL media has been busy fondling the Patriots and Colts, has anyone noticed the most disappointing start of any team in the AFC?

It belongs to the Baltimore Ravens and their asshole of a coach Brian Billick. A coach who has done less with more than anybody in recent memory (of course its possible my memory has been slightly affected by an egregious amount of alcohol over the years), and is the real offensive coordinator for the Ravens. This past weekend, down 5 and facing a 2nd and 1 late in the fourth quarter at midfield, he called 3 straight passing plays (this is with Kyle Boller at QB, not Tom Brady – and against the 2nd worst defense in the NFL) all of them incomplete, which spurred the Ravens to another disgraceful loss, this one at Buffalo, or Toronto, whatever.

In typical Billick fashion, he took no responsibility for the loss and instead conducted his own ask and answer session after the loss. I effing hate it when coaches attempt to usurp the postgame grilling after a loss, especially jerks like Billick, whose smug quotient is immeasurable. That makes three embarrassing losses for the former Super Bowl contenders and yet another shell in the crabcake for Ravens fans...and that is something no amount of Old Bay can fix.

Who Will be the Next Yankee Manager?

The search for the next Yankee manager (sounds like a title for a fox reality show) is underway and the first three candidates, Joe Girardi, Don Mattingly and Tony Pena are interviewing with top Yankee brass. While we all know quite a bit about these guys, I decided we should really get to know them in depth, so here are some little known facts on all three men.

Did you know that Donnie Baseball is also an inventor? Not only was he great player and all-time favorite of T3I, he's also the inventor of the V-Grip softball bat.

Tony Pena is famous for being the former manager the Kansas City Royals, being the father of major leaguer Tony Pena Jr. and of course for being a very good major league catcher for 17 years. However, did you know catchers were really skinny and uh, shall we say excited, before everyone was juicing?

And, if you're looking for a good good Christian speaker for your next event - Joe Girardi is on the list and available. I wonder if he took the lord's name in vain during this conversation with an ump.......

What's this all mean? I have no idea really, after all, I am an idiot, but now you can consider yourself truly informed as the Yankees weigh this important decision.

United we stand.

One thing all three idiots can agree on is our love of tasty treats. And let's be honest, what's tastier than a cupcake?

P-S blogger Gina Chen has a nice piece here on the growing anti-cupcake backlash.

T3I, we're pro-cupcake.

Stuff I Stole From Other Sites

Here's some random stuff you should take a look at - or not.

Andy Reid to quit coaching and put his mustache to work as a policeman

Heath Shuler, you missed the LVP watch, but you still suck

Gregg Easterbrook is clearly trying to provoke a fist fight in with Bill Simmons by calling the Patriots evil

Ever wonder what happened to Martin Gramatica - he's been found

If you are of a certain age, and played video games like I did, this will bring back memories

Jason Caffey, little known NBA player, but a legendary sperm distributor

And Kige thinks Donnie Baseball should be the next Yankee manager, and seriously, who's gonna argue with Kige?

The LVP Watch

Week 7 of the National Football League season is in the books, so it's time to take another look at which players are KILLING their teams. A quick reminder, players on this list are actually on the field, and should be relatively important to the success or failure of their teams.

1. Tarvaris Jackson - Quarterback, Minnesota Vikings. Let's take a look at the Vikings for a second, they seem to have the makings of a good team. Solid defense, check. Decent offensive line, check. STUD running back, check. What's missing here? Call me crazy, but I think a competent quarterback might be a good place to start. Young Mr. Jackson may some day develop into a decent signal caller, but right now he's abysmal. In fact, he's so bad, he ADMITTED the Cowboys were daring him to throw, and he still couldn't complete a pass. His stats Sunday, 6-19 for 72 yards. His stats the week before, 9-23 for 136 yards. For the season, he has 537 yards passing, which is almost 1600 yards less than Tom Brady. Not good.

2. Alex Barron/Millford Brown - tackles, St. Louis Rams. As I said last week, I don't watch Rams games, you couldn't pay me enough, not to mention the fact that I do this for free. Anyhow, last week I had Barron on the list, he stays and gets some help in the form of Millford Brown. The Rams are 0-7, Marc Bulger, already suffering from 2 broken ribs as a result of the beatings his offensive line subjects him too, returned to action Sunday, and was dumped on his ass another 7 TIMES. Who did the damage - a guy named Darryl Tapp. Coming into the game tapp had 4 career sacks, he managed to double his career output against these two stiffs. Including one with a broken hand!!! I have a feeling Barron and Brown are in the LVP race to win it - which might be the only thing the Rams win all year.

3. Shaun Alexander - Running back, Seattle Seahawks. They won, but they played the Rams, so that hardly counts. In the last 3 weeks, he's carried the ball 44 times for 107 yards, which works out out to 2.36 yards per carry. From former MVP, to number 3 on the LVP watch in a few short years - well done Shaun. According to this columnist in Seattle, you lead a feckless running game, and frankly, I agree. I also make a vow to use the term feckless more (note to readers, if you detect any malice regarding Alexander, the fact that he's murdering my fantasy team has no bearing what so ever - I swear).

4. Joey Porter - Linebacker, Miami Dolphins. Your team SUCKS, I mean SUCKS OUT LOUD. You are a loud mouth. You dance when the other team is ahead 35-7. Your team is 0-7 and could run the table and go winless. You are Joey Porter and you are number 4 on the LVP Watch list, and rising like a comet. For more fun filled Porter bashing, check out the smorgasbord done by the Mighty MJD. On a related note, there's a part of me that thinks Cleo Lemon might be a decent quarterback - imagine that, a decent NFL player named Cleo - who'd a thunk it?

5. Fernando Bryant/Stanley Wilson - starting cornerbacks, Detroit Lions. You may complain that it's unfair they are on this list, after all, Lions won Sunday, they only gave up 16 points. Well consider this, Jeff Garcia threw for 316 yards and completed 82% of his passes with 2 TDs and no picks. These guys still suck, and it will come back to haunt them, so stop getting excited Mitch Albom.

Dropped out - Chad Pennington (nice game against the Bengals, he'll be on the bench soon anyway) Winston Justice, riding the pine

Knocking on the door - 52 members of the Miami Dolphins, the entire St. Louis Rams roster, Emmitt Smith (world's worst announcer).

Got suggestions of your own -feel free to leave them in the comments section.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Alcoholic chicken

Earlier this week, Dan Patrick announced he was headed to Sports Illustrated leaving behind his friends in Bristol. Now it turns out Sports Illustrated columnist Rick Reilly is on his way to Bristol.

Essentially we've witnessed a Patrick-for-Reilly trade. Who got the better end of the deal? I enjoyed the early days of DP's radio show. Phil the Showkiller provided some solid idiotic comic relief. Reilly, well I'll be honest, I usually don't get to his articles until late in the week when my SI has found its way to the bathroom magazine rack. Advantage SI for getting DP.
Personally I haven't seen a blockbuster like this since the Yankees shipped Costanza off to Tyler Chicken for some chicken hot dogs, chicken twists, and alcoholic chicken.

Breaking News - Eagles Get Robinson-itis

The diagnosis is in, and it's not pretty. My Philadelphia Eagles, a team I have loved since I went to Philly at age 3 to see my great grandma and the Liberty Bell, have officially been diagnosed with Robinson-itis.

The symptoms - a losing record, press conferences where many words are spoken, but few things are actually said, and an inability to understand what is wrong. In other words, the entire team DOES NOT KNOW what is wrong.

In the above article by John Smallwood, the phrase made famous by Greg Robinson, I don't know, is said by Andy Reid, Reggie "Good Hands" Brown, and Brian Westbrook.

This diseases is serious, there is no known cure, and it can kill your football team. At this very moment a forensic team has been sent to Philadelphia to see how it was transmitted from Central New York to Southeastern Pennsylvania, but at this point it may be too late and I am doubtful the Eagles will pull through.

Repeated Kicks to the Groin

If you could care less about the Eagles, skip down to Champ's post game analysis of GRob speak, it's a weekly must read in my idiotic opinion.

In the last season and a half, the Philadelphia Eagles have lost 5 games on the last play, or nearly the last play of the game. This includes a loss last season when the Giants completed a 35 yard pass for a TD in overtime, a game where Tampa kicker Matt Bryant made a 62 yard field goal, and yesterday's debacle, which resulted in giving up a 97 yard touchdown drive with 2 minutes on the clock to Brian Freaking Griese.

At some point you have to start asking why - and there has to be some blame assigned. Andy Reid resurrected a dead football team, for that, I'm eternally grateful. The Eagles have consistently been in the mix for a title every year this decade, with the exception of 2005. However, they have never made it over the hump, never won a Superbowl and lost 3 NFC Championship games under his tenure.

The past two years, we have seen a startling amount of WTF losses and this year in particular, his coaching and personnel management (he has responsibility for both) has been. Whether it was failing to help Winston Justice against the Giants, failing to have a true punt returner on the roster against the Packers, the unbalanced pass to run ratio he stubbornly sticks too, or the failure to get help in the draft to bolster an aging secondary, it has cost the Eagles wins this year.

The question for Eagle fans is a tough one. What to do? If you fire him, you have to be careful what you wish for - Reid has blown a lot of games, but for every Reid there's a Rich Kotite or Cam Cameron (more on him later) lurking around the corner. Just as we have seen at SU, it's a risky proposition, the road from mediocre to embarrassing is much shorter than you think.

Personally I think you bust Reid down, take away final say over personnel and get him to focus more on football. With all the family distractions he's had, it is clear that there's too much on his plate, and it shows in the results on the field.

Reid needs to focus solely on coaching this team and let others worry about the rest. Having one man responsible for being the head coach and general manager rarely works in the NFL, it's simply too much to do. Ask Mike Holmgren, Reid's mentor and colleague, the Seahawks took those duties away from him and the next thing you know, they were in the SuperBowl.

Phil Sheridan of the Philadelphia Inquirer said yesterday's loss killed the season, and he may be right. The real question is, how do you prevent the next season, and the season after that from being killed as well?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

He Didn't Get His Personallity From His Mother

I wasn't going to say anything about Joe Torre leaving the Yankees, honestly there wasn't much to add to what was already out there......until I picked up the NY Post this morning. In an exclusive interview with Hank Steinbrenner, Baby Boss (sorry will) has the nerve to tell the public he thought the offer was "fair" and he hoped Torre would take it. The story goes on to say the the younger Steinbrenner has an MBA and was picked to make the offer because of his "financial background."

A few quick points here - 1) The Yankees spend $200 million a year on players, including paying 45 year old Roger Clemens $3 million a win this season. You mean to tell me this was a financial decision? Please, I'm an idiot, but I'm not that dumb.

2) Regardless of the financial structure of the deal, the problem with it is the message it sends to the players, and that message is - the man that is supposed to lead you has been neutered. A pay cut is an embarrassing slap in the face to Torre, and a one year offer tells the world you are a dead manager walking. NO PROFESSIONAL SPORT offers coaches or managers one year deals - why? Because it sends the message to the players that management does not believe the coach can get the job done. If management doesn't believe in the coach, the players won't either.

What the Steinbrenner's should have done was made a clear cut desicion, if they wanted Torre back, offer him 2 years, at $13-$14 million. If they were ready to move on, just not make an offer at all. One year, at less pay says "we don't believe in you, we don't think you are the guy." Good for Joe Torre, walking away was the right move.

The fact that the younger Steinbrenner doesn't understand this should give Yankee fans a huge reason to be concerned. We can only hope he's not the second coming of Jimmy Dolan. Of course since I hate the Knicks, I find Dolan wildly entertaining - and if you want more, read this story in NY Magazine from a few years ago, it's pretty insane.

On a totally unrelated note, New England is ahead of Miami 42-7 at the half - and the Miami Dolphins are in talks to be the 9th member of the Big East.

Syracuse wins! Syracuse wins!

Saturday was Fan Appreciation Day in the Dome and the 20,000 faithful that braved through this game were treated to something truly rare: a win!

Of course for T3I the true treat is always the words of wisdom from one Greg Robinson. Here's what I learned this week from GRob:

  • Greg Robinson has a killer sense of humor, “Good afternoon and I mean that (smiling). I don’t know if I meant it last Saturday." Greg, tell us again about that shopping cart with one bad wheel.

  • “It is a terrible feeling to lose a week before a bye. It is a great to win and you can build off of that. It’s great that we have a bye right now because we need a bye. " Greg I give you a big "hear-hear" in your praise of the bye week. These noon starts are killers for us tailgaters.

  • "We had a lot of young people out there so we couldn’t get very exotic with what we wanted to do." You know I've been trying to put my finger on what is missing from this team. We're not "exotic" enough.

  • "It was a good win – all wins are good wins – but it was a win that I thought was hard fought." All wins are good wins, cliche quota satisfied.

Bring on the bye week.

Moving onto hoops......T3I officially issues an ARINZE WARNING to the rest of the Big East.

Saturday, October 20, 2007


Worcester, MA. All three iditos, along with BOSS's little brother, ventured to the town of abandoned brick warehouses in 2005 to watch Syracuse in the first round of the NCAA's. We all know how that turned out.
Well, they're at it again. We really don't care for this town.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Official Idiotic Predictions -Syracuse v. Buffalo

It may be late in the day, but never fear, your idiotic predictions for "the Battle for NY" are here. Let's not waste any time.


With Syracuse clinging to a 20-19 lead, Buffalo takes over at their own 10 yard line with 2:00 left to play. A gallant drive leads them to the Syracuse 29. With 8 seconds left, Buffalo tries for the game winning field goal:

Your final: Syracuse 20, Buffalo 19


College football brings us numerous great rivalry games throughout the year, and this weekend is no exception: Tennessee – Alabama, Miami – Florida State, and USC – Notre Dame come to mind. While UB-SU isn’t quite in that category yet, with a bit of marketing and publicity the administrations at Buffalo and Syracuse can lay the foundation for what promises to be one of college football’s preeminent rivalries over the next few years. Just imagine the classic games, the battles for recruits, the jam-packed stadiums, and for the victorious, the hoisting of the Dilapidated Brick Warehouse. Talk about spine-tingling, I can hardly wait until next season’s Thruway Throwdown…but before this can become a real rivalry, the Bulls need to show that they belong. Saturday the rivalry begins:

Buffalo 27 Syracuse 24


Greg Robinson, the beleaguered coach of the mighty men of Orange - Turner Gill, the hot coach already eyeing a reunion with the man who launched his career, Tom Osborne. What to make of this epic battle? Will it set ratings records for ESPNU? Will it become an instant classic? Will it launch a rivalry that will last 100 years? Are you out of your fucking mind - of course it won't. Here's what will happen, the Orange, although being out coached the entire game, do just enough to get by, and the last second pass from Drew Willy is knocked to the ground by super frosh Mike Holmes, the orange hang on to win.

Syracuse 20 Buffalo 14

Syracuse - Buffalo - A No Win Situation

I made at least 10 different attempts to write something coherent about the fiasco that is going to take place on the fake grass of the Carrier Dome tomorrow at 4 pm, but for the life of me, I just couldn't get anything together that didn't suck. The fact of the matter is that Greg Robinson has done such a horrible job as a head coach, the outcome of a HOME GAME against a team that has won 15 games since returning to Divison I play in 1999 (see comments below - thanks Zibby) is very much in doubt. As a writer, I've really pulled a GRob here, so let me link you to some people who have basically summed up my thoughts:

Sudden Impact takes on a whole new meaning these days.....

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Adding pages

You know you've really left your mark on the sporting world when your name becomes part of the sports lexicon. Occasionally you'll hear an athlete referred to as the "Babe Ruth of their sport."

Athlete's names can also be translated into everyday catch-phrases. Ocean's 13 offered us the "Billy Martin."

Some other examples:

Earnest Byner: For use when one of your buddies really drops the ball. Ex: "You forgot your ID to get in? Nice one Byner!"

Pulling a Norman: For use with an extreme choke job. Ex: "Those '07 Mets really pulled a Norman this year."

Don Mattingly: We love Donnie Baseball, but watch where you go fellas when nature calls. Ex: "Hey keep an eye out for me, I really have to go but I don't want to do a Mattingly." Note: not to be confused with the much more serious "Gary Miller."

With that in mind, T3I offers up these possibilities:

  • "Man did the pilot in that plane crash pull a GROB or what?"
  • "I have no idea what that professor's lecture was about. He talked totally GROB."

The Daryl Gross

  • "Nepotism, schmepotism. I've got the perfect plan, I'm just going to pull a Daryl Gross and hire my girlfriend anyways."
  • "The mechanic keeps saying that funny sound in the engine will get better.....somehow I think he's trying to Gross me."

Champ Top 10

An absolute murderer's row last week of upsets for the ranked. Your Mid-October edition of the Champ Top 10:
1. Ohio State: Now that the Youngstown States, Akrons, and Northwesterns of the schedule have been taken care of, things will get interesting with the stretch run of MSU, Penn State, Wisconsin, The Zookers, and Michigan.
2. South Florida: How long have I been asleep?
3. Benedict Arnold (aka BC): It's been a few years, shouldn't a major gambling scandal arise?
4. LSU: Could still find their way into the BCS title game.
5. Oklahoma: Stoops has got to play Spurrier in the Visor Bowl this year.
6. South Carolina: Spurrier has got to play Stoops in the Visor Bowl this year.
7. Kentucky: The Gators come calling to Lexington.
8. West Virginia: Should run the table for the rest of the year.
9. USC: I know, I know, they didn't score any style points last week.
10. Joe Torre: Farewell skipper. You deserved better. Unmatched class in the world of sports.

The lost art of the bullpen car

Uniwatch's Paul Lukas has a nice history here of the bullpen car. Can you imagine Mo taking the mound with Enter Sandman blasting from the '72 Datsun? Now that would be priceless.
T3I- we're pro-bullpen car.

What Grinds My Gears

Here's what's pissing me off today:

- "Leave [fill in the blank] Alone" videos. Enough already people - just F-ing stop it. The freak that did the "Leave Britney Alone" video deserves credit for at least being an original freak. That being said, I can also guarantee you the next time we'll hear about him is when TMZ reports on his arrest for blowing a guy in an LA alley 2 months from now. If you go on YouTube right now, search on the words 'leave alone,' you get back 23,300 hits. I don't want to see anymore leave Notre Dame, leave Charlie Weiss, or leave OJ alone videos. It's about as original as starting up a sports blog when there are already a million out there better than yours.........uh never mind, moving on.

- Enough with the "Will Donovan McNabb Be Traded to the Bears" storyline. Oooooh - how original. Let's see, the Bears need a quarterback, McNabb is from Chicago, and in quest to be eternally miserable, some of the media and people in Philly dislike the best quarterback to ever wear an Eagle uniform. Guess what, the trading deadline is over - we've got the whole off-season to beat this dead horse. Besides, who are the bears going to offer? Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs are still removing Adrian Peterson's cleat marks from their heads.

- Anything coming out of the mouth of Dr. Gross lately. For a media hound, you'd think he'd be a little better dealing with the media.

- Rutgers. I hate the fact that I have to hate Rutgers, simply because that means they are relevant. Here's an idea, turn the football program around - I sat through some 70-14 ass poundings SU put on them in the dome, those days gone, but when we're relegated to complaining about them, that's just sad.

- The fact that every time Kobe Bryant rearranges the tubes of KY in his locker it's news. Memo to the Lakers - you had all off-season to trade him - instead you chose to bring this constant distraction into the season. Don't worry though, I'm sure Coby Karl is the missing piece of your championship puzzle - order the rings now.

Well That Explains It

I guess we now know why Manny Ramirez thinks that if the Red Sox lose the ALCS to the Indians it isn't the end of the world. Clearly Manny has other interests as well.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Da Bulls

We're less than 3 days away gang from the Battle of the Thruway. Here come the Big Bad UB Bulls. This type of rivalry game must be exactly what Doctor Daryl Gross envisioned when coming to Syracuse. With that in mind, T31 presents some Bull Stuff:

  • Bull Durham, the movie: Thumbs down. I always thought it was overrated. Major League (on DVD, not edited TV) blows this movie away.

  • Bull from Night Court: Thumbs down. The weakest link of the original "Must See TV" lineup on NBC. Cosby Show, Family Ties, and that was good TV. Night Court stunk.

  • Red Bull: Big thumbs up. Mmmmmm, red bull.

  • Raging Bull: Thumbs up. One of the greatest sports movies of all time.

  • USF Bulls: Thumbs up. This team could really be playing for the BCS Title. Wow.

  • Chicago Bulls Intro: Thumbs sideways. Was never a big fan of those 90's Bulls teams, however their intro was kind of cool.

  • Mechanical bull: Thumbs down, but take a shot next time you're at Daisy Dukes in the Square.

  • Syracuse Raging Bulls: Thumbs.......I really don't know what to make of this. Remember the Syracuse Soldiers? Syracuse Smash? Exactly.

Hey when your program stinks as bad as ours, you'll find anything to write about.

Shenanigans and Tomfoolery

Here are a few things to check out as you're cruising the internet this afternoon:

Clip (s) of the Week - Celebrating Excellence

The Kansas Jayhawks have a six game win streak, their longest since 1995. They are one of only 6 teams in Division I still undefeated, ranked 15th in the AP poll, and dating back to last season they've won 9 of their last 10 games. The man behind this strong start and the revival of a struggling program - Mark Mangino. A couple of interesting facts about Coach Mangino, he is one of only five Division I coaches to have never played college football (Cutcliffe has been canned, but Charlie Weiss has been hired at ND, he never played), and for some reason he didn't graduate from college until he was 30 years old. Maybe he was emulating John Blutarsky, I'm not really sure. Last week, his team beat Baylor so badly, one of the opposing assistant coaches took a leak on a bar following the game. Clearly, Mangino's success needs to be celebrated, so Coach Mangino, you are the subject of our Clips of the week.

While we are on the subject, here's the clip of Mangino going completely insane on a player earlier this season, and here's a rant from a few years ago that actually got him fined. As the man behind these great clips, here's hoping the coach avoids this new breakfast item, we want him around for a long time.

Kansas plays Colorado this weekend, watch out Ralphie, Mangino is gunning for you.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Aye-aye Captain!

There's a reason this guy's autobiography is called The Life You Imagine. Let's be honest, I can think of worse ways of getting over a first-round playoff loss.

Wade Phillips - Behind the Mind of a Master

While I had been purposefully avoiding the Patriots-Cowboys hype fest that went on this Sunday, after hearing that Wade Phillips purposefully designed a game plan to make Tom Brady beat them (read that sentence again), I just couldn't help myself. First off, I hate the cowgirls - so screw you Dallas fans. It only took Wade 6 weeks to remind everyone why the Cowgirls will never win a Superbowl with him, and he confirmed it today when he DEFENDED his strategy to the Dallas media.

However incompetent he may be, he's also a kind man. After I contacted him, he was nice enough to send me his thoughts on his upcoming opponents, and the answers are so good, I feel the need to share, so I present you to - Wade's defensive game plans for the rest of the 2007 season.

Oct. 21 v. Vikings

The key to this game is Tavaris Jackson, if we take him away, we are in good shape. He's young and mobile, so we will most likely play 7 defensive backs in soft cover 3 schemes to take away the long ball and their explosive receivers. That Adrian Peterson guy - he's like Tom Brady, just a flash in the pan.

Oct 28 - Bye

The key at this juncture of the season is to keep your team sharp so we'll probably go full contact in pads all week - I'm even going to let the D tackle Romo in practice, he's looking a little soft right now.

Nov. 04 at the Eagles

Stopping Reggie Brown is the key - he's the guy that drops the balls and makes that team go. I'm also worried if Winston Justice gets in the game, that guy really knows how to fall down and get in people's way.

Nov. 11 at Giants

Tom Coughlin is always mad, and I don't know why. Tiki Barber is great, we'll be gunning for him - 8 guys in the box for sure. We'll leave single coverage on Shockey, he's got long hair like a hippie and everyone knows hippies can't play. They've also got a tall receiver, I can't pronounce his name, so I'm not gonna worry about things I can't pronounce.

Nov. 18 v Redskins

These guys don't scare me at all, I've already decided to make a photocopy of my ass, write the game plan on it and send it to Gibbs 3 days before this one kicks off. I hope the copier is fixed by then.....

Nov. 22 v. Jets

Who are the Jets? Are these the Titans? They changed their names? When did this happen? I just saw the Titans on TV this week.

Nov. 29 v Packers

They keep changing their running backs, obviously in an effort to confuse me - once I figure out who's starting, we'll stop em, I guar-ron-tee it. Favre hasn't impressed me this year.

Dec. 9 at Lions
Look, Jon Kitna talks to God, and I don't know about you, but down here in Texas, we don't mess with guys that talk to God. As a result, we won't even be tackling him - if God loves us, we can't lose. God won't love us if we tackle Kitna.

Dec. 16 v. Eagles

Andy Reid is a nice guy, he beat me in a cheeseburger eating contest last year dag gum it. We took away Reggie Brown once, he'll adjust - I heard their 3rd string RB Tony Hunt is good - we may look at some film of him.

Dec. 22 at Panthers

Now, if you have to ask who we're gunning for you're crazy - Vinny Testaverde was good when my dad was a coach, he's good now - and that's good enough for me.

Dec. 30 at Redskins

I'm taking this week off - me and the little lady are going to the Sizzler that night - we've got a coupon. We'll have things sewn up by then anyway.

T3I would like to thank Coach Phillips for sharing with us.