Advice for Big East Coaches

We all watch a lot of college basketball, the Big East in particular (obviously) and since we can't really be happy about anything (there's no fun in happiness, don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise) there are a few things about the coaches in the league that drive me in particular, crazy. Luckily for all 16 coaches in the league, there are solutions. Here is some advice for the coaches of the Big East.

Villanova Coach Jay Wright - You are the inspiration for the list. UNBUTTON the damn suit coat. Seriously, I don't read GQ and I don't want to see you preening on the sideline.

Syracuse Coach Jim Boeheim - JB is our man, but stop picking your nose. TV catches you doing more digging than a West Virginia coal miner.

West Virginia Coach Bob Huggins - There are so many to choose from here, like not puking in your car before getting a DUI, but that would be rude, and since we're never rude, let's go with ditching the sweater vest, it's not a good look for a fat sweaty guy.

Notre Dame Coach Mike Brey - This one is easy, lose the damn mock turtlenecks, you smug bastard.

Georgetown Coach John Thompson III - You've revived the program, now it's time to work on that smile.

Marquette Coach Tom Crean - You might want to lodge a complaint against "Antarctic hero" Tom Crean, he's stealing your limelight when people do Google searches.

DePaul Coach Jerry Wainwright - Please try and look a little less used car salesman-ish.

Providence Coach Tim Welsh - Dial back the hair gel, Pat Riley isn't happy you are stealing his look.

Cincinnati Coach Mick Cronin- You're really short, we'd suggest some bigger shoes, maybe some stripper heals, once you get used to walking in them you're neck will thank you - less staring straight up.

South Florida Coach Stan Heath - Honestly, who told you the porn 'stache was a good idea? Stephon Marbury?

Connecticut Coach Jim Calhoun - Quit walking all over the damn court Calhoun.

Pittsburgh Coach Jamie Dixon - Bring back Karl Krauser, he killed the 'cuse forever, but he was a favorite of T3I

Rutgers Coach Fred Hill - Contacts Freddie Boy, contacts. They won't fall off when you blow a gasket.

Louisville Coach Rick Pitino - Give is more rants like this one please.

Seton Hall Coach Bobby Gonzalez - We don't care what you do, as long as you don't rebuild the program, the conference is tough enough as it it.

St. John's Coach Norm Roberts - You are hundreds of wins behind Lou Carnesecca and there's only one way to catch him - sweaters man, sweaters.