Friday, April 18, 2008

Paula Abdul to Address Syracuse Team Before Spring Game

(Idiot News Service) - The 3 Idiots have learned exclusively that Syracuse coach Greg Robinson is bringing in a very special guest to address the team prior to the Spring game tomorrow at 2 pm. American Idol judge and washed up pop star Paula Abdul will provide a motivational pep talk to the team just before they take the field in what is being billed as the "thud-tacular" spring game.

When reached for comment, Robinson said, "Gosh darn it, I believe it wasn't supposed to be a public thing about her coming in, but you know what - I don't know how it got out. Can I talk about it? I don't know. What I do know is that I love that American Idol, some of those kids on that show are really coming along - they're showing me some flashes."

Robinson continued, "But any way, what I do know and gosh darn it I believe it, is that when I watch that show, Paula Abdul is the only judge that makes sense to me. Her comments are the straight talk we need to provide the proper motivational structure that will propel our team to doing good things. Plus, I'm a big fan of her music. You may not see it - but I see it. I see real genius in her songs - real progress towards another level of greatness. It's just a few years away, I believe that."

When reached for comment, Abdul's phone line went dead. We eventually did catch up with her a few hours later, at which time her assistant explained that Paula had accidentally flushed the phone down the toilet. Once on the line with a new phone, we asked Paula how this came about, and what she plans to say to the team.

Abdul said, "There's just such a ray of positiveness about this footballer team and I'm going to tell them that no matter what anyone says, they wear their shiny orange outfits in a way that's them - and they should keep being them. I've watched them play and they look like that orange cheese in the wrapper - and I love that cheese, so they should do what they do unless it's done and then they should do it."

"When coach Rogerson called me - we talked for hours and hours, it was like we were speaking the same language and it warmed my soul. So I just know that he should keep being him and do what he does because everyone is a winner if they believe in things and things are good. I'll tell the team that too."

Syracuse Athletics has flatly stated that there will be no audio or video coverage of the speech, and in fact, security has been increased to keep details of the talk top secret.


MariusJanulisForThree said...

Idiots News Service? It's not as trustworthy a newsource as, say, YouTube Financial, but it's getting there....

Russianator said...

We are trying to get Kige on board but right now we can't meet his quote. Mabye someday.....