While the Superfans raised some very valid questions about the former Bears coach, it is abundantly clear these same questions can now be applied to Tiger. Due to the fact that the Superfans are presently unavailable (and basically un-embedable, stupid copyright laws) - we at T3I have stepped in to fill the void and attempt to answer these burning questions, because that's what we do - tackle the questions too stupid for others to consider.
Q. What is God's role in all this - did God create Tiger and make him superior to all other golfers, or was he simply a golf fan and Tiger made himself superior to all other golfers?
A. While I don't have proof, there is no doubt in my mind that Earl Woods was a visionary who brought Tiger to Ditka when Tiger was just a baby. It had to have been Ditka who blessed Tiger and gave him his golfing prowess, there really is no other explanation. God is simply a fan.
Q. What would golf be like if Tiger was just 14 inches tall? How many majors would he win?
A. Mini-tiger would have won 7 majors right now instead of 14. After all, at 14 inches tall, he's going to lose some length off the tee, which would hurt his chances on the longer courses. Mini-tiger would be stuck trying to reach some of the par 4s with long irons and we know God can't hit a 1 iron, so you can only expect Mini-tiger to hit it about 50% of the time.
Q. Could Tiger win a tournament if his caddy missed the plane and didn't show up and Tiger had to carry his own bag?
A. Even with the bad knee, Tiger would be so pissed that he had no caddy that in addition to winning by 20 strokes, he'd bitch slap Rory Sabbatini for good measure.Q. Who would win in a head to head golf match - Ditka or Tiger?
A. This is the $64,000 question. Since we know Ditka would beat God in a golf match (he's a good golfer) this one isn't as easy at it seems - before I can answer this one I need to know, is Ditka using cavity backed clubs? Does he have an oversized driver? Is he playing on healthy legs? If push came to shove and I was forced to make a decision, I'm going with Tiger, but only by a stroke and only because Ditka is in his 60s.....