Wise advice from Jeremy Piven's character, Droz, in the 1994 Comedy Central favorite P.C.U.
With NFL training camps underway, that means idiots such as myself are prepping for the upcoming Fantasy Football season. With that in mind....we want to provide you with some "Don't be that guy" pointers for your upcoming Fantasy Football season.
1. Mr. Missing In Action- His team starts 0-5 so he never sets his lineup for the rest of the year. If you are too lazy to log on one time a week to set your lineup, then maybe you should pass when someone gives you the league invite.
2. Peter Minuit- The deal of the century-- Manhattan Island for $24 in trinkets. Every league has a Pete--- this is the guy who wants to cherry pick your roster by giving up nothing. His trade offers actually get funny to read. "Adrian Peterson for your backup kicker? Where do I sign off?" If you want quality in a trade, be prepared to offer quality.
3. The Waiver King- This is the guy who watches the waiver wire like a hawk and will sign anyone and everyone off of it. Of course he never plays anyone he signs, but come 12:01AM he's signing people faster than Freddie Mac Mortgage Company.
4. Mr. X-Rated Team Name Guy- I don't think I'm a prude, really. But this is the guy who has a really filthy team name. He's the same guy who's pushing 40 and still wears #69 in his slow-pitch softball league. Don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for both.
5. Mr. Homer- This is the guy who goes out of his way to draft players from his favorite team. I've learned that the fantasy football gods and gambling gods are very similar---- they don't mix well with your favorite teams.
6. Mr. Reach- Taking a kicker in the 1st round? Not a good idea. But Mr. Reach will tell you he's read a lot about a certain draft pick and he's a real "sleeper" this year.
7. The Commissioner Czar- Every league needs a commish, but this is the guy who thinks he's running a country with his over-the-top rules and league decrees.
8. Mr. Who- This is the last minute guy who fills the final slot in your league. No one knows who he is--- he's usually a cousin of a brother-in-law of one of the other players. I've found that this is the guy who usually ends up talking the most trash to other team owners.
9. The Playoff Scenario Guy- Starting about week 9 this guy can break down every possible playoff (Playoffs?!) scenario in your league.
10. Mr. Tattle Tale- This is the guy who emails Mr. Missing In Action, right before you are scheduled to play Mr. MIA. As a result everyone else gets an automatic win when they play Mr. MIA but now you have to take an active interest in the game.
Have fun this year fantasy owners. I'm looking to rebound from the 16 week "Shawn Alexander Fragilitis" that infected my team last year.