Earlier this year we at T3I provided our readers (both of you out there) with some fantasy football advice with the first in our series of "Don't Be That Guy" posts.
After four straight weeks of trudging up to the Dome and being exposed to some of the worst football in recent NCAA history we're at it again. Thanks to Boss and the Russianator for their 2 cents. The inspiration for a Carrier Dome edition of "DBTG" occurred this year when a shirtless Penn State fan decided to sit right in front of me. So, along with this guy here's a list of people you don't want to be when catching a football game in November at the Dome:
1. Hijack Conversation Guy: You're sitting in your seat watching Greg Robinson do something that makes you want to stab your eyes with a plastic fork and chatting with your buddy. You are talking about tonight's real college football game on ABC, or perhaps discussing the baseball pennant race when this guy decides he's going to join in on your conversation, even though you have no idea who this guy is. The A-B conversation is suddenly turned into a three-way thanks to this guy who is more than willing to share his "expertise."
2. Creepy Old Guy: Inspired by a real guy in my section. He's in his 60's and takes way too many pictures of the cheerleaders with his disposable camera. Uhmm....I'm feeling uncomfortable. I think a Lifetime Movie started with this premise.
3. Tucked In Jersey Guy: I'll be honest, I'm not much for wearing a sports jersey in public. But I give a free pass to anyone who wants to do it while attending a game. David Puddy said it best...."Gotta support the team." However, please don't tuck in your jersey into your khakis. Again, inspired by a real character in my section.
4. Outdated Apparel Guy: (Cousin of Tucked In) This is the guy wearing the Steelers Joey Porter jersey or the Giants Jeremy Shockey jersey. You might think about feeling bad for him but don't be fooled by this guy...he got the jersey on special after the player left town.
Let's cut to the chase, there are a lot of old people in the Dome. God bless them for supporting the program - however, it's time to update the wardrobe people. Specifically I'm talking about the guy who wears a 20 year old corduroy SU hat. This stuff isn't that expensive, so go buy some new gear people - I still see fans wearing hats and clothes this logo on it and that's unacceptable.
5. Stat Reader Guy: Famous for his ability to read statistics directly off of the big scoreboard within 1 second of them being posted, provides a great service to all of the blind fans in attendance. Also known as the "Score Barker" when reading out of town scores. Which leads us to:
6. Parlay Guy: This guy sits behind you and comments on every out of town score because, as he says he, "Has some big time cash riding on it." What he doesn't say is that its $5, 10-teamer "Don't lose on ties" parlay that has no chance of hitting to begin with.
7. Needs a Salad Guy: Let's be honest, those Dome seats aren't exactly luxurious. This guy lumbers in a 413 lbs and sits in the space next to you, which wouldn't be so bad except for the the space was designed for someone half his size, and he should have been forced to buy 2 tickets.
8. Old Sit Down Guy: It's third down, the Cuse needs a big stop and you are on your feet screaming to for the "D." That's when this silver haired senior tells you to "Sit down." As I've told a couple of these guys in my section, "You are not in church, this is a football game. If we were in your living room you could tell me to sit down." Of course if I was watching a Syracuse game in the living room of a 70 year old man I'd have a whole other bag of issues to deal with.
9. Guy Who Barely Moves When You Try To Get By: This guy is just lazy and makes it almost impossible to squeeze by when making beer runs. A relative of this guy is known as:
10. Guy Who Gets Visibly Angry When You Ask Him To Move: This guy scowls at you every time you get up. Guess what people, this team is terrible - beer helps everyone cope - don't shoot me a dirty look for exercising my right to numb the pain inflicted by Greg Robinson.
11. Kick Your Back Guy: We all know this character, the one that sits behind you and feels the need to implant his knee into your back for 3 hours. No matter how many times you turn around, 5 minutes later he's accidentally kicking you again. This is a problem in the "backless" sections of the Dome - the new orange seat backs they installed have not solved the problem.
12. Seat Stealer Guy: This is the guy before the game that has tried to weasel his way into your seats. Often times they slowly slide their way over a seat or two during the game and next thing you know this guy is practically on your lap.
There it is boys and girls. Show up and cheer the players on this team during the two remaining home games...but please don't be one of these guys. For our readers-- let us know which guys we missed from your section of the Dome.
Now excuse me while I get my Randy Moss Raiders jersey and khakis ready for the Louisville game. Where did I put my hat?