Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thursday Trade Deadline Reading

Welcome to Thursday - Big East Media Day is behind us and today is the Major League trade deadline, so let's get to some links.

Yesterday the Yankees solved their catching problems for this year by trading Kyle Farnsworth for Pudge Rodriguez. They also took some revenge on the Orioles, beating them 13-3. This is why its great to be a Yankee fan - and why the Yankees are hated.

My Uncle Dave is a huge Cincinnati Reds fan and it's being reported this morning that they've reached an agreement to trade Ken Griffey Jr. to the White Sox. Obviously more information on this will emerge throughout the day, so I'd recommend checking legitimate news outlets to stay abreast of the situation, since we are wildly unreliable.

Manny Rameriz is now rumored to be involved in a 3 that is with the Marlins and Pirates. As a Yankee fan I say - send him to Florida, he's an a-hole, but the a-hole can hit.

With Leather has some more trade deadline madness.

In Syracuse news, a Boston College Blog B.C Interruption debates the merits of SU and BC playing annually after Thanksgiving. Nothing will beat 2004 when all three idiots were at the BC game when Diamond Ferri single handedly beat the Eagles and Champ lead the A-C-C chant. God I miss having a legitimate football team. breaks down this year's Pitt-SU game.

Here's an update on that summer league in Utica that's filled with former Orange wash outs.

Erin Andrews caused quite a stir in the cubs locker room yesterday - enjoy.

The Packers have reportedly offered Brett Farve $20 million over 10 years to stay retired. Here's some breaking news, I've officially filed my papers for reinstatement to the NFL - I'll be waiting for Mark Murphy and his suitcase of cash at the Albany International Airport.

Readers - I bring you parents of the year.

Mike Wilbon, much like Champ - does not like pants.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Some Final Thoughts on Big East Media Day

I just read Donnie Webb's latest blog entry on Big East Media Day and thought I'd get a few final thoughts off my chest before practice officially begins.

1.) We kill Greg Robinson for his insane quotes, and rightly so, half the time he's talking nonsense. However, a situation like Big East media day is no win for him. It's not like he's going come out and say, geez we flat out suck. So he did what he could and what you'd expect him to do - he came out and said the team's goal was to win a bowl game. Good for him, I'd be really worried if he said anything else.

2.) I still don't feel sorry for him, because he put himself in that situation. Think about it, Pasqualoni won 16 games his last 3 years and had people calling for his head, in Greg's 3 years he's not even to half that number of wins (and it was still time for a change on P).

3.) I have no idea what the feeling is like in the locker room, but players aren't immune to bad press - and there's been a ton of it nationally. It either goes one of two ways, they band together with an us against the world mentality, or they get down early to Northwestern and the whole season goes to hell in a hurry. Here's hoping the Wildcats are asleep on August 30th.

4.) In the article linked above, Robinson said he expects the team to suddenly blossom. I really do hope that happens, but I also hope to win the lottery, I'm not counting on either happening.

5.) Donnie closes with this Robinson quote - "When I came here, I had my vision. That's what it is. That's all it is. I think it's coming to fruition in my own mind."

I am nothing more than a self proclaimed idiot writing this blog in my parents basement while wearing scooby do underroos and drinking grape soda - but for the life of me I have no idea what this vision could be. I'm hoping Greg proves me wrong - if he does, I'll buy him a case of root beer and say I'm sorry - but I haven't stocked up on A&W just yet.

Ebay Item of the Week

Greg Robinson is a busy man. With summer camp about to get underway, he finds time to get published.

"The thing about frosting is you know....there's sugar and shortening, that much I guarantee and gosh darn't we've got to find a way to get that frosting on the cake."

Wednesday Post Media Day Reading

Welcome to hump day, here's what's happening. As always, if you have a link or something you want us to see, send it to the e-mail address over to your right.

For the beleaguered Syracuse fan base, the Post Standard has a full recap of what went down on at Big East Media Day. Please put down any sharp objects before digging in. We will most likely dive in with some snarky comments once the indigestion dies down.

The Daily Orange has an account of media day as well.

Here's the Scout story on media day.

Here's some news regarding which football games will be televised this year.

Here's one fan's list of all-time Orangemen, take a look if you're bored. Some of it is decent, but the last time I checked it was Tebucky and he played safety for one year at the cuse, not corner.

Here's a media day report from a Rutgers blog - eventually they take some shots at SU. Thank you Greg Robinson, you've sunk the program so low Rutgirls can legitimately mock us.

Donte Greene has been traded again, he's now headed to Sacramento as part of a deal that will send Ron Artest to Houston. Greene has been traded twice already, and in discussing the trade, Bud quotes Horace Greeley and thinks it will be a good thing for Donte (I think he thinks that, the column was less than clear).

Syracuse basketball recruit James Southerland will need another year before showing up on the hill according to Mike Waters. The team is well stocked at his position, so waiting a year isn't a big deal.

In baseball, the Orioles continue to beat up on the Yankees (WTF???) while the Mets beat the Marlins.

Meanwhile, the Angels acquired Mark Teixeira from the Braves, so the strong get stronger. That was a nice move on their part.

Blah, blah, blah, Brett Favre news is spinning up the Jets and their fans.

And I'll leave you with some odd ball stories I lifted from the Big Lead - if you own a 44 pound cat, there are some people looking for you - and don't fill your car with jet fuel.

PHOTO: John Costello/Philadelphia Inquirer

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Lobster for Every Win - Plus or Minus 7

As you may have already seen, Donnie Webb has posted an update on Big East Media Day, filled with many of the usual nuggets. These include Greg Robinson saying the time for talk is over (it should have been over with 3 years ago jackass) as well as an update on the health of the running backs and a the status of suspended starters Mike Williams and Brandon Gilbeaux (status - not good).

However, my personal favorite bit of information is this:

"Offensive guard Ryan Durand downed seven lobsters at the Big East clam bake Monday night. That broke some type of team record held previously by James Wyche. Durand said Rutgers fullback Brian Leonard reportedly ate nine, a record he said could have broken easily but claims the lobster supply ran out before he could get to more."

In all seriousness, we here at T3I love gastronomic feats of strength . The Nathan's hot dog eating contest is must see TV for us, and we'd all be lying if we told you we never watch IFOCE events when they are on the tube.

However, when your new offensive coordinator issues an edict to lose weight, you've had an off-season of bad news, your unit is the weakest link on a bad team and you are the unanimous choice to end up in the cellar of the conference, you might want to not mention to a reporter the fact that you ate 7 lobsters -- but hey, that's just me.

As it stands now, 7 wins would be wildly optimistic for this team, so I ask our readers, if Durand were only allowed to eat one lobster for every win SU will have this year, how many should he have eaten?

What Its Like to Sit Behind Home Plate at an MLB Game

Ever wonder what it's like to sit right behind home plate at Major League game? Me neither, but from watching videos over at the Sport Hump I think those guys already know what that's about.

On Sunday, friend of the idiots and commenter Res Ipsa almost achieved this feat, sitting directly behind home plate at a Mets game - you'll note I said major league game - hence the "almost." His report, with my comments in bold, will give you a little taste of what its like to sit in the best seats in the house - even if that house is the dump that is Shea stadium.

Best Seats Money Can Buy (almost)
By Res Ipsa

On Sunday, my wife of a day (ED Note - it was an excellent wedding from what I can remember) and I traveled to the purple palace known as William A. Shea Stadium to catch a matinee between the Mets and the Cardinals. Rather then sit in the upper deck as per my custom - I decided to splurge for once and spend the outrageous amount it takes to sit right behind home plate. For anyone who has never sat behind home plate at a major league game - here are a few thoughts from an idiot (or in this case, a pseudo-idiot) (ED Note - he's an idiot):

-- The best seats money can buy are not actually the best seats. In reality, there are 4 rows in front of the best seats that cannot be bought. These are owned by corporate America, and I assume given away to clients as some form of social lubrication. Damn corporate America.

-- With the trade deadline looming - the area behind home plate was filled with scouts. This is a sight to behold. Their job is to watch baseball, but not like you and I do. They have stop watches and radar guns and really thick binders that they constantly write in. I kept trying to look at what the scout near me was scribbling - but I took his dirty look as a sign that he wanted me to stop. (ED Note - I can guarantee you this not the first time he's been given a dirty look in public by a complete stranger)

-- Major league fastballs and sliders are impressive - but nothing beats a major league deuce (ED Note - never underestimate the power of a major league deuce, I may take one in a few minutes). The curve ball isn't called the great equalizer for nothing. It is absolutely insane to see a ball start off at head level and break in to the strike zone. I cannot imagine what it is like to actually stand in the batter's box and have a split-second to decide whether the ball is going to hit you, or paint the black at your knees.

-- We all know that players face a beaning if they look back to see where the catcher sets up. Well - sitting behind home plate was a guy who looked like a fan - but kept screaming INSIDE or OUTSIDE whenever the Cardinal's catcher shifted before a pitch. The hitter can definitely hear it, and this guy only did it when the Mets were at bat. Does this guy work for the Mets? Maybe. Or maybe he is just a super fan who thinks he is helping out.

-- Walking in through the "special entrance" is pretty cool. Not waiting on any lines for anything is cooler. Sitting in your seat at a baseball game and ordering off of a menu to a waitress is odd.

-- And finally, I am not sure that I will ever be able to sit in the upper deck again. (ED Note - I have an idea of what he makes, and can assure you, he'll be back up there)

We'd like to thank Res for giving us these insights, and for allowing us to mock him.

That's setting the bar high

That are certain magic numbers in the world of sports: 61 homeruns, the 4-minute mile, and 56 straight games.

Although not sports related, friend and honorary Idiot, The Captain, forwaded us this link about some guy in Rhode Island who blew a .491 during his sobriety test.

Per the article,

"The legal limit in Rhode Island is 0.08. A level of 0.30 is classified as stupor, 0.4 is comatose and 0.5 is considered fatal, according to the health department."

Somewhere between comatose and dead....not a good place to be when behind the wheel.

** T3I Does Not Condone Drinking and Driving **

I Guess Breaking Into the Weight Room Wasn't So Bad After All

Remember this past winter, when Syracuse football players Paul Chiari and Mikhail Marinovich got drunk and ending up getting arrested for breaking into the weight room at SU? While no official punishment has been announced, that little incident had basically been forgotten until we saw what went down at Virginia over the weekend.

While reading Deadspin, I came across this story about how two UVA players were caught stealing beer from a gay club.

What should really disturb Head Coach Al Groh is not the establishment from which the beer was stolen, but rather the two men in question tried to run and got caught. Both are offensive lineman, so we can't expect them to be fleet of foot, but let's go here fellas, show a little athletic ability. We know Mitch Browning told the lineman at SU to lose weight and get in shape, so he certainly wouldn't stand for these guys getting caught.

The lessons here are simple - if you're going to get all liquored up and cause havoc, do it on campus, and not gay bars (not that there's anything wrong with that) and if you have a feeling some crazy sh!t may be going down, the mohawk probably isn't the hairstyle you want to be sporting.

Tuesday Media Day Reading

It's the day you've been waiting for all year - that's right, today is Big East Football Media Day. It's a day when coaches and players gather in Newport Rhode Island (because NOTHING says football like Newport) and talk in well crafted sound bites, carefully avoiding making any real news. Or in the case of Greg Robinson, carefully talking in circles and confusing the hell out of everyone.

In the least shocking news ever, Syracuse is picked to finish last in the conference.

Here's a review of the Express from an Elmira perspective.

Axe continues with his 2 point conversation, which is good stuff, even if all it does is depress me.

In basketball news, Carmelo Anthony says he's been waiting 4 years for these Olympics. I'm guessing Denver fans have been waiting 4 years for him to play some defense...I kid, I kid...sort of.

In baseball news, the Yankees pulled a John Daly and got bombed by the Orioles last night, meanwhile Jorge Posada is shutting it down for the year and will have shoulder surgery. One other Yankee note, in his column yesterday, Peter King took a subtle shot at Xavier Nady, which isn't surprising since King is a Red Sox fan, but it was still b.s. Nady hit a HR yesterday, it was meaningless, but a HR nonetheless.

The Mets lost yesterday and John Maine left the game early with a stiff shoulder.

Kwame Brown, who probably still has nightmares about Michael Jordan yelling at him, signed a two year deal with Detroit.

Tim Donaghy gets to find out how much time he'll spend in prison as someone's girlfriend today.

As an Eagle fan, I found this interesting, AJ Feeley's name has even more meaning than we all thought.

The Dallas Cowboys will be the featured team on HBO's Hard Knocks

And I'll leave you with this, a couple of guys a few of you will recognize managed to make it on the web site Hot Chicks With Douchebags WITHOUT hot chicks (post it titled HCWDBs, the Book).

Monday, July 28, 2008

Breaking Down the Break Down of Big East Media Day

Mark Schlabach of has a column up today where he looks at a few of the story lines that will be coming out of the Big East Conference's Media Day. In true T3I style, I thought we'd provide some of our own answers to Mark's questions.

How much will Pat White throw the football this season?

Schlabach notes they want White to throw the ball more this season and use his feet less. We've seen coaches say this about a lot of mobile quarterbacks, whether its Steve Young, Don McNabb or Michael Vick, going into a season coaches always want their QBs to throw it more, and stay out of harm's way. My prediction, White runs just as much as ever, because that's where he's most dangerous - and new coach Bill Stewart will know he needs to win some games and put the fan base at ease. They shouldn't worry too much though, when the Mountaineers take on the Orange, White will feel like he's walking in the park, the chance of injury in that game will be slim.

Will Ben Mauk be eligible to play quarterback for Cincinnati?

The real question should be, will Ben Mauk be out of college by the time I retire?

Will Greg Robinson survive another season at Syracuse?

I think it would be more fair to ask if the fan base will survive another year of Greggo. As much as we want the team to succeed, Heath Ledger has a better chance of surviving another year than Robinson (and yes, I went there).

Is Pitt ready to contend for the Big East title?

On paper they should be, however empirical research shows that porn-staches, even in Pittsburgh, severely limit your chances at success in life - unless you're a porn star that is. If you're drinking the Dave Wannestedt Kool aid, you might want to see your doctor - and send a few pints of CNY as well.

Can Mike Teel carry the Rutgers offense?

No. Sorry Rut-girls fans, he can not, he's simply not that good. He's not terrible, but much like mini-me, he isn't carrying you anywhere. Sadly, the Scarlet Knights are still better than the Orange though.

How will South Florida rebuild its defense?

I don't have the answer to this one, but I'm sure Jim Leavitt does. On that note - has any coach ever been consistently more hoarse than Jim Leavitt? The guy permanently sounds like he smokes 12 packs a day. You have to love the intensity though - the guy gets so fired up I'm just waiting for him to stroke out on the sideline some day.

Monday Morning Reading

Ahhh, what would we do without Mondays? Here's a few links to check out while you get started this morning.

The bad news keeps mounting for the Syracuse football team - according to the Daily Orange, their best recruit for next year decided to decommit and go to Central Michigan instead. Ouch.

Donnie Webb has an update on some other doings with the football program - and golf clap to you Mr. Webb, excellent use of the joker.

Welcome to the Hall of Fame Goose - if they had a mustache Hall of Fame, you wouldn't have had to wait to get in.

The Yankees, in addition to taking 2 of 3 from the the Red Sox this weekend, pulled off a big trade to get Xavier Nady and Damaso Marte from the Pirates. The Rochester D&C says the Pirates got fleeced, I agree. Good work Cashman. The Hartford Courant seems to agree as well.

Speaking of the Red Sox, Manny is up to his usual trade deadline antics, saying he wouldn't mind being traded. Lather, rinse, repeat, this crap happens every year at this time.

The Mets pounded the Cardinals last night.

Orel Hershiser has gone insane.

Joe Sports fan provides us with the legacy of a video game villain - via the sports point.

William Hung, minor league troubadour.

In news that only bloggers will care about, Red Lasso, a service that provides web video of news and sports content aired on TV networks is suspending blogger access to its services. Frankly I'm surprised it took that long.

Now get to work on those TPS reports.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

And the Telly goes to.....

You remember that great marketing campaign last year for Syracuse Football? Well the only Sudden Impact I recall involved Andrew Robinson on his backside.

The Daryl Gross Propaganda Machine is reporting that Syracuse University's earned two "Telly" awards for video production, one of which was for the aforementioned "Sudden Impact" campaign.

What the heck is a Telly? Good question. The obligatory T3I I'm Too Lazy To Click on a Link information spot:

"Founded in 1979, the Telly Awards are the premier award honoring outstanding local, regional, and cable TV commercials and programs, the finest film and video productions, and groundbreaking web commercials, videos and films."

In a T3I exclusive, we've found some of the athletic departments upcoming projects over at IMDB:

Set your Netflix list now Cuse fans.

Doc +3

Snake oil commodity traders are ecstatic with the news.

Donnie Webb reported Friday night that Nancy Cantor and Daryl Gross both received contract extensions from Syracuse University. The Daryl Gross news was first posted Friday afternoon by regular "OrangePA."

December 18, 2004 ushered in the D. Gross era on the hill.

The highs:

  • Carmelo Anthony Center construction
  • A long needed breath of fresh air and enthusiasm
  • The emergence of the women's hoops team
  • Giving the Dome a face lift
  • Women's ice hockey

The lows:

  • Football, football, football
  • Uniforms-- hoops, football, where to begin?
  • Revamped fundraising--- I know a few long time donors who now feel left out
  • Retiring #44--- here's an idea, let's get rid of one of the very few football traditions we have
  • Little people in makeup as a means of getting people to come to football games
  • Football, football, football

Football, football, football. Fair or not this will be Daryl Gross's legacy on the hill. Our Idiot Mandate is simple:


Friday, July 25, 2008

The Next Guy is Screwed.........

Ah the Greg Robinson era at Syracuse - years from now when we look back fondly on it, what we will remember most? The repeated thrashings at the hands of opponents we used to dominate like Rutgers? The abysmal offense that for 3 straight years has produced less points than a good pop warner team? The horrific offensive line that nearly got Andrew Robinson killed last year? How about the bend but then break defense?

With so many items to choose from, it will be hard choice to make. However, the real lasting legacy very well could be the inability to keep guys on the field. The latest bit of news is that is that linebacker Matt Jones has failed to qualify academically and will not be on the team this fall. This comes on the heals of the weird, weird Deandre Preaster story that unfolded this week.

It hasn't been a good summer for SU players and their school work, we all know Mike Williams, the team's best offensive player and starting defensive end Brandon Gilbeaux have already been shown the door due to academic shortcomings. Now two incoming recruits have followed suit.

As the roster woes of the program continue, we need to note there wasn't anything Robinson could do to prevent injuries to guys like Delone Carter, Curtis Brinkley and Taj Smith in 2006 - and no one could have predicted the health issue that would keep star recruit Jermaine Pierce from ever taking the field, but the ever-shrinking roster is going to make rebuilding this mess that much harder.

By my count there are only 5 guys in the junior class on the current roster that will contribute this year. That doesn't say much for Greg's first full recruiting class - it also leaves who ever the next coach is with an incredibly tough task. That person will be working with a senior class that will have at the most 5 or 6 functional guys. Imagine that - taking a job with 5 guys who are seniors that will be able to contribute - it's frightening.

In addition to losing guys on the current roster, the uncertainty surrounding the program will make recruiting this year very tough, and if things go in the tank early, it will make things virtually impossible. No kid in their right mind is going to sign up with Greg when he's a dead man walking.

Who ever ends up leading the Orange next year, whether it's this guy, or someone else, is going to have to find a way to get players fast, and keep them eligible. As Robinson has proven, that's harder than it seems. It's too bad Max Meisel doesn't have any eligibility left, they could probably use him.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Don't Be That Guy- Fantasy Football Edition

"What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy."

Wise advice from Jeremy Piven's character, Droz, in the 1994 Comedy Central favorite P.C.U.

With NFL training camps underway, that means idiots such as myself are prepping for the upcoming Fantasy Football season. With that in mind....we want to provide you with some "Don't be that guy" pointers for your upcoming Fantasy Football season.

1. Mr. Missing In Action- His team starts 0-5 so he never sets his lineup for the rest of the year. If you are too lazy to log on one time a week to set your lineup, then maybe you should pass when someone gives you the league invite.

2. Peter Minuit- The deal of the century-- Manhattan Island for $24 in trinkets. Every league has a Pete--- this is the guy who wants to cherry pick your roster by giving up nothing. His trade offers actually get funny to read. "Adrian Peterson for your backup kicker? Where do I sign off?" If you want quality in a trade, be prepared to offer quality.

3. The Waiver King- This is the guy who watches the waiver wire like a hawk and will sign anyone and everyone off of it. Of course he never plays anyone he signs, but come 12:01AM he's signing people faster than Freddie Mac Mortgage Company.

4. Mr. X-Rated Team Name Guy- I don't think I'm a prude, really. But this is the guy who has a really filthy team name. He's the same guy who's pushing 40 and still wears #69 in his slow-pitch softball league. Don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for both.

5. Mr. Homer- This is the guy who goes out of his way to draft players from his favorite team. I've learned that the fantasy football gods and gambling gods are very similar---- they don't mix well with your favorite teams.

6. Mr. Reach- Taking a kicker in the 1st round? Not a good idea. But Mr. Reach will tell you he's read a lot about a certain draft pick and he's a real "sleeper" this year.

7. The Commissioner Czar- Every league needs a commish, but this is the guy who thinks he's running a country with his over-the-top rules and league decrees.

8. Mr. Who- This is the last minute guy who fills the final slot in your league. No one knows who he is--- he's usually a cousin of a brother-in-law of one of the other players. I've found that this is the guy who usually ends up talking the most trash to other team owners.

9. The Playoff Scenario Guy- Starting about week 9 this guy can break down every possible playoff (Playoffs?!) scenario in your league.

10. Mr. Tattle Tale- This is the guy who emails Mr. Missing In Action, right before you are scheduled to play Mr. MIA. As a result everyone else gets an automatic win when they play Mr. MIA but now you have to take an active interest in the game.

Have fun this year fantasy owners. I'm looking to rebound from the 16 week "Shawn Alexander Fragilitis" that infected my team last year.

A Belated Rant that Everyone Will Agree With

I just returned from a little vacation and I am digging out at work - I'll try and get back to conventional posting schedule next week - however, if you'll indulge me for a second, I have a rant that's neither timely nor controversial.

The ESPYs suck. All awards shows suck really, and the proliferation of them is easily one of the most annoying and alarming trends going on in society today. I'm dead serious about this, people can worry all they want about global hunger, AIDS in Africa, salmonella tainted vegetables and the fact that every American already weighs 400 pounds, but mark my words, awards shows are a true threat to us all. One day we'll reach that tipping point when some group decides to throw an awards ceremony for the very best performances by gay dogs in film -- and when that day comes and the show airs on Animal Planet or some other network - people's heads will spontaneously explode. Don't act surprised, you heard it here first.

Which brings me to the ESPYs. The whole idea is completely retarded. You have awards like the Oscars to bestow honors on the best movies of the year. Why do they do this? To determine a winner of course. No Country for Old Men and There Will be Blood can't head to the Superdome to play a game to determine which was the best film of 2007, so we have judges fill out silly little ballots and a judgement call is made and presto - you have a winner. I get that.

The whole idea of sports is to determine a winner through direct competition. So to give awards out to teams going against each other in different sports, most of which have already won something is obviously dumb TV stunt. Dumb and pointless I may add - I don't think there are bidding wars on ebay going on for stolen ESPYs, and if there is, I may go chug some anti-freeze.

So while I'm not a fan of the concept, it is easy enough to ignore. I'm a grown man, I own multiple TVs, I know how to change the channel, its easy enough to avoid. However, this past week, instead of ignoring another dumb awards show, I stumbled upon further evidence that the ESPYs have reached a whole new level of suckitude.

This past Sunday my girlfriend and I are on vacation in a small New England town on the Eastern seaboard, sitting in a bar having a few after dinner drinks. This town isn't very big, it's a Sunday night, and there aren't very many degenerates like us sucking down beers at the end of a weekend, so it's quiet. It was also a quiet sports night, because on the TV they are playing the ESPYs and a funny thing happened - she became engrossed in the broadcast.

Now this is a woman that tolerates my sports obsession and is generally good natured about the whole thing. She's aware of sports, knows who most of the famous sports people are, but if we didn't live together ESPN would never, ever be something she'd watch on her own. She'd probably watch town meetings on the public access channel first.

So I found it fascinating that she could not get enough of the ESPYs the other night, actually remarking that she wished the volume was higher. She was genuinely interested in what was happening, and I was dumbfounded. I'm fully aware it was almost solely because Justin Timberlake was the host - I don't even blame her for that one. He's richer, younger, more talented and better looking than I am - so I suppose she was lost in thought thinking about where her life went so horribly wrong - but my God man, any show that claims to be about sports, and captures the attention of my girlfriend the way that show did on Sunday night is the ultimate proof that the ESPYs are evil.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Mmmmm, muffin tops.

A True Tale of Complete Stupidity

I thought long and hard about the title of this post and eventually decided to use something that was as accurate as possible. When you are done reading, I'm fairly confident you'll agree that I chose wisely.

In addition to being a sports fan, I'm still a weekend warrior. Eons ago, when I was in high school, I played football, basketball, and golf, all with differing degrees of disastrous results. Let's just say the teams I played on never reached the pinnacle of athletic success - or any modicum of success for that matter. Lucky for me, the continued beatings on the fields of play as a teen have not discouraged me from continuing to pursue athletic failure well into my 30s. In the winter I play in a weekly pick up basketball game and in the summer I play on a softball team and in a golf league. In other words, although I'm past my athletic prime (and what a piss-poor prime it was), I enjoy competition, but years of losing have taught me not too take things so seriously.....or so I thought.

Last week before I left for a little vacation I was playing in my golf league, which is filled with mostly great guys and mostly terrible golfers. No one takes it too seriously and everyone generally gets along. The highlights of the night usually come at the bar afterwards where we proceed to bust balls and see how much pizza and beer we can make disappear.

This year I have one of the lowest handicaps in the league (it's not saying anything, trust me) and even though I haven't been playing all that well, the damn thing doesn't seem to be going up very much. I've also missed a bunch of weeks because work keeps getting in the way. That's a really long way of saying I'm near the bottom of the league standings. But hey, it's golf and a night out, you can't ask for much more than that, especially in upstate NY, where the weather is f*cking miserable 6 months of the year.

So last week's round begins and I'm playing one of the most consistent guys in the league, who also happens to be one of the nicest - and let's just say things don't get off to a great start when my second shot of the round takes a freak bounce and goes out of bounds. Mr. Triple Bogey quickly followed (Mr. Triple is an asshole). From there I manage to rip a huge drive on the second tee, hit the green in two and then proceed to 4 putt. That is not a typo, I 4 putted. The first putt was so bad it rolled right off the green. As you can imagine, this turn of events was quite distressing to me, and things quickly went downhill from there.

But the golf gods are strange, evil people, and after the 4 putt they graced me with a beautiful sight - the beer cart. Thinking that all I needed to turn my game around was some swing lube, I bought a couple of beers and was on my way. Unfortunately, the beer didn't help my swing and on the 7th tee, I'm 3 down with 3 to play. The fact that the match was still going on at that point was a minor miracle in itself.

On the tee I crush another drive that somehow found the fairway and I'm looking at about 110 yards to the green. My opponent is quite a distance back and struggling on the hole. All it's going to take to put a ball on the middle of the green is a smooth pitching wedge. This is where the story gets fun. I set up over the shot, get comfortable, make a good backswing and then, even though I've been playing golf for 20 years, I did the first thing anyone tells a beginner not to do - I picked my head up and ended up hitting a screaming skull shot that went 10 feet high and 140 yards long, settling deep in the woods behind the green. It was at that point, exasperated, that I did this with my club:

That's right, I proceed to break my pitching wedge over my knee. Don't believe me? Here's what it ended up looking like:

What makes this little temper tantrum better is that I honestly didn't mean to do it. I grabbed the club and ripped it down to my knee, meaning to pull up and mimic breaking a bat, but like everything that day, my aim was completely f*cking off. What I was left with was a sick feeling as the club folded in half over my thigh.

While this will be hard to believe this little outburst was rare. One time when I was 16 I got mad and thew a 5 iron that got stuck waaaaaay up in a tree - my old man made me climb up there to get it and I cut the crap out of myself in the process, so that pretty much cured my desire to become a full blown club abuser. Sure I'm prone to profane outbursts, but come on, show me someone that doesn't swear on the golf course and I'll show you Richard Simmons girlfriend.

To make the incident even more fun, that wedge I destroyed came from A NEW SET OF IRONS. This spring, for the first time in 12 years I bought a new set of irons, Callaway Big Berthas, which I love. They cost me about $600 and I thought I'd have them for the next 10 years or so......well, I still have the wedge, there's just more of it now.

So let this be a lesson to you kids, if you feel yourself getting mad on the golf course, don't be an idiot - just say no to breaking clubs over your knee - because if you don't, it will cost about $40 to get it reshafted, or $75 for a new club.

Ebay Item of the Week

Want to pretend you are a former coach or player in a pro football league that's been defunct for over 20 years? Well you're in luck with our featured Ebay item of the week. Not a Birmingham fan? Not to worry. We've got everything fans of the Oklahoma Outlaws, Memphis Showboats, New Orleans Breakers, New Jersey Generals, or Tampa Bay Bandits could need.

We raided Steve Young's closet to find this gem.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Double Secret Contract Probation

"We're talking about New Jersey contractors, of course the stadium will be done in time."

Artificial turf expert Greg Schiano's contract is getting a closer look in the Garden State.

In a related story, Daryl Gross denied rumors that Greg Robinson's contract has a similar clause contingent upon the reopening of Syracuse area Old Country Buffets.

Greg Robinson did comment, "I don't know about the contract. But gosh darn't I can't get enough of OCB's mashed potatoes and gravy. There's magic in those heat lamps fellas."

We're #1

My first trip to the Dome was on January 10, 1983 when my Dad took our entire family to see the Orangemen battle Patrick Ewing and the hated Hoyas. For a 9 year old, the tough 97-92 loss was made palatable by Dad taking me to the souvenier stand and buying me one of those big foam "We're #1" fingers. You know the one. The loss was also easier to swallow when Little Champ found $50 abandoned by a drunken fan sitting behind us. This was probably the same guy who spilled beer on me.

Anyways, I stumbled upond an interesting read (courtesy Uniwatch) of the guy who invented those foam fingers.

Move over Paris

Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson started the whole celebrity home-video craze.  Then came Paris Hilton later followed by Mini-Me.

Let's now add everyone's favorite Yankee 3rd baseman to the list.   Rumors are out there of an A-Rod/Madonna "home movie."

Just be thankful the Don Zimmer tape hasn't leaked yet.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Monday Junk

Some junk to read while the Russianator is on vacation.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Great White sighting

If you can’t hear enough of Once Bitten, Twice Shy, or watch enough pirated classic concerts with Dokken, or you happen to enjoy pyrotechnic barbeques in Rhode Island nightclubs…then I have good news for you, the real Great White is back together and out on the road, I understand that tickets are going rapidly so don’t hesitate.

Fortunately for the rest of us sports fans (and weekend hackers) another Great White is making headlines this weekend in the form of the Great White Shark. That is right, Greg Norman, at 53 years old, is lurking at the top of the British Open (yes, any stuck up UK readers I called it the British Open) leaderboard. And I know there are still 36 holes for Norman to pull off another legendary collapse, which might be reason enough to follow along, but the Shark is bringing some color and flamboyance to an otherwise lifeless golf tour this weekend and with Tiger nowhere to be seen, maybe Greg gets abit even with the golfing gods this time.

Out of the Office

I'm headed out on a little vacation, so there won't be any morning reading today, or most likely next week, please don't cry too hard. Champ's been gone for a few days and will return tonight, he will most likely have some stuff for you to check out. In the meantime, please try and weather the Brett Favre news without jamming pencils in your eyes, that's not good for anyone.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thursday Reading - Bring on Carrot Top

If you are a sports fan, the day after the All-Star game is the equivalent of being Jewish on Christmas, there's nothing going on for you. The only sports-related things happening are Brett Favre updates (he's still a dick) and red carpet coverage of the ESPYs (Dumbest. Event. Ever.) You're almost better off watching Saved By the Bell repeats - almost. With that said, here are a few things to check out this morning.

In another new low for Greg Robinson, AOL Fanhouse did a feature if College Football Teams Were Comedians, which is awful similiar to our If MLB Teams Were Broads stunt, and if Syracuse was a comedian, they would be this guy. The entire entry, which is hard to argue with, says:

"Did you know that they were technically successful for a while? Now completely unwatchable. Orange in places where there ought not be orange (WARNING: SFW, BUT NOT ADVISABLE FOR WORK, LUNCH, SANITY). Would best serve humanity by being blasted into space.
Key comparison: Prop comedy and Greg Robinson's offense."

Greg Robinson, getting Syracuse compared to shitty comedians since 2005 - that's Sudden Impact alright.

I found this link over at the Big Lead - the ugliest faces in sports.

Do you remember Scott Radinsky? Probably not, however, he's now a punk rocker and Hugging Harold Reynolds caught up with him - here's the interview.

Marco Jaric continues to pull the upset of the century.

I found this link over at the Sports Point - it describes how to destroy a franchise.

Former Orangeman Josh Pace is headed to Estonia - a place I know so little about I can't even make a lame joke here.

The NFL is worried about players tossing gang signs around.

And because it wouldn't be a day without some Brett Favre news - here you go.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wednesday Reading

Here are a few things to check out while you wait for your Ebay auctions to end.

I think the freaking All-Star game is still being played - no seriously, it ended about 5 minutes ago with the American League winning again. I know I've said this before, but it just goes to show you how some people can make the SIMPLEST things so hard. The game went forever, burned out pitchers and position players because the winning league gets home field advantage in the World Series. That's retarded. The team with the better record should get the advantage - end of story, next topic.

This blog claims former Auburn Coach Pat Tie lost his pants, wallet and car keys 20 years ago and they just turned up. Apparently Tie had no idea what happened, which seems pretty easy for me to believe - seeing as how he sucks.

The quest to land Brandon Triche, Howard's nephew and local hoop star, continues.

Yogi Berra comments on Sarah Jessica Parker during last night's game.

Fire Reggie Dunlop (great name for a blog by the way) offers up a Big East preview.

Rocking the Loud House cranks up some special SU footwear and with a really funny picture of Billy Packer.

Jonathan Papelbon makes the FU Corner at the Sports Hernia.
Everyone who isn't sick of Brett Favre yet raise your hand (this does not apply to people who wear fake cheese on their head).

And this one is for you Sport Hump, Everyday Should Be Saturday busts off a little mustache Wednesday - which is where I stole the photo from, so I'd like to thank them for that......I think.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Ebay Item of the Week

"For $9.99 you can own my Woody."

Listen to Barry, you know you want to get your hands on his Woody.

**Cuse Fan Bonus Items**
  • Want to read the creepiest description ever for a pair of windpants? Then again, if you're wearing windpants outside of the gym or your house, you are pretty creepy as well.
  • You'll be using this a lot during the upcoming football season.

Pre-game All Star Observations

So I'm sitting here checking out a few things on the internet and the pre-game activities for the All Star game are dragging out longer than the encore of a Grateful Dead show, so I thought I'd toss out a few observations on what I've seen so far. I made these same observations to my girlfriend, but frankly, she isn't interested.

  • If there was a Hall of Fame for world class baseball players who got outrageously obese, a sure-fire first ballot guy is Tony Gwynn. The dude looks like he's got gravy coursing through his veins.

  • It's probably just me, but Ryne Sandberg looks a little bit serial killer-ish.

  • Sheryl Crow, 1994 called, your voice is there. What a crappy job of doing the national anthem. Not too mention, that's not a song that has a burning need for an acoustic guitar.

  • Yankee stadium looks great, I'll be down there Friday night for a game, might be my last trip to the old yard, definitely looking forward to it (I fully realize you don't give a sh*t).

  • Big Stein looks like he's seen better days, but they did a nice job of bringing him out in the cart - personally I thought it was tastefully done - and other than stashing him in the owner's box, I'm not sure how else they would have done it.

  • If Yogi Berra doesn't make you smile, you're probably a real asshole.

  • I'm disappointed in the low volume of boos for Red Sox players, but it just goes to show you that there probably aren't a lot of true hardcore fans there - tickets were going for over $5,000.

  • No one will ever rock the fu manchu better than Goose Gossage - and he did not disappoint tonight.

This post in now way indicates we will analyze or further break down the all-star game - it means I was bored tonight.

A moment of silence for the Russianator

Word out of Philly today that the old Spectrum is slated to be torn down in months to come. Home of the Russianator's beloved Sixers the Spectrum also hosted Villanova basketball, NCAA Regionals and two epic Creed-Balboa fights.

Quick aside, why wasn't there a third fight between the two? I mean Apollo Creed lost by 1 second....the money alone would have made a third fight a given.

My Cuse memories of the Spectrum include that really bad old buzzer and Conrad McRae's turnaround jumper to beat the Wildcats.

If it was anyone's house, the Spectrum belonged to Doctor J. Enjoy a compilation of his dunks here. At #1 on that list was one of the best in-game dunks of all-time:

Tuesday Home Run Derby Links

Welcome to Tuesday. As Champ has always said, Tuesdays are awful, the day has no feel. Anyway, let's get too some links.

Josh Hamilton hit an ass load of home runs last night and still didn't win the home run derby. Is he a great story? Absolutely. Am I tired of hearing about it already? You bet I am. Here's some advice kids - crack and heroin are bad, let's move on already.

Brett Favre opened his pie-hole and talked to Greta Van Sustren last night - I feel an epic anti-Favre rant building, you've been warned. The video is below if you missed it.

Michael Wilbon, who I really like, gives Billy Packer a going away fluff piece I've been waiting for. Guess what, Packer is almost universally reviled among sports fans, and his job was too provide those very fans with commentary about a game they love, so if no one likes you, you're not doing your job. In my opinion its a miracle he hung on this long. Sports should be fun, when one guy lessens the enjoyment of the game - that guy needs to go. Bye bye Billy.

To add an ironic twist, Bud Poliquin, who I don't like, says Packer will be missed like a toothache - well done Bud.

Donte Greene has signed with the Rockets - and then went out and scored 40 points in a summer league game. The real question, how many did he give up?

The guy who runs the college football blog the Wizard of Odds is a journalist who recently was let go. Once I get fired I'll let you all know who I am - not that anyone cares.

The Legend of Cecilio Guante explains what its like to be in a blogger slump - it's something we've been in for almost a year now.

If Broads Were Baseball Teams - AL Central

After much delay, we are back with Part II of the exclusive "If Broads Were Baseball Teams" series you can find only at T3I. To read Part I and the genesis of this dumb series we will probably never finish, click here. Today we tackle the AL Central.

The Chicago White Sox

The White Sox are the less popular of two sisters, who while she has had a good degree of success, has also experienced great shame. She's had more success lately than her more beloved sister, but no matter what she does, she'll never be as popular. As a result, she's extremely needy, she acts out to seek attention and is known for profane outbursts.

If the White Sox were a broad, they would be Ashley Simpson.

The Minnesota Twins

The Twins are the quirky, lovable independent actress that everyone loved in the 1980s. Not attractive in a super model sort of way, she still had achieved success that she'll never quite recapture. It's still cool to like her, but people don't pay much attention and she's never winning an Oscar.

If the Twins were a broad, they would be Ally Sheedy

The Detroit Tigers

The Tigers are the girl that's decent looking until she starts packing on the pounds. She's had a couple of nice runs over the years, getting in shape and becoming more popular, but can never keep it together for long and quickly becomes the woman who drinks too much in the bar while wearing clothes that fit her 20 pounds ago. Also, her personality sucks.

If the Tigers were a broad, they would be Kirstie Alley.

The Kansas City Royals

The Royals are the girl that disappeared 20 years when her parents moved the family out of state. She's been gone so long that people forget she ever existed, and even when she tries to get back in touch with the old gang, no pays attention - or cares. Besides, everyone thinks she's weird.

If the Royals were a broad, they would be Linda Blair.

The Cleveland Indians

The Indians are the chick that a lot of guys you know think is hot - but you don't see it. She is the ring leader of her group of friends and that group is large and fiercely loyal to her. You could care less about here and can't figure out what all the fuss is about.

If the Indians were a broad, they would be Sarah Jessica Parker.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Wingnut Update

Everyone's favorite Wingnut Kash Beauchamp has made quite a name for himself. According to Deadspin, Wingnut merchandise sales are through the roof.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't point out something that commenter and Wingnuts fan Tiffany brought this to our attention last week. Tiffany's comment, which is available for all to see at the bottom of this post, told us that:

"As a result of the incident, Beauchamp and the Wingnuts announced today that they will hold a charity auction of Beauchamp's uniform for Southwest Christian Care in Atlanta, GA. Southwest Christian Care serves terminally ill patients and special needs children. Its services are provided to patients and their families at no cost. Beauchamp is from the Atlanta area. His father, who died late last year, was a scout for the Atlanta Braves organization. Items to be auctioned off include the uniform jersey, hat and turf shoes worn by Beauchamp during his ejection."

First off, the auction move is classy (although who would want this stuff?) so give Kash and the organization some credit and also give him credit for raising the visibility of wingnuts everywhere - I hear lug nuts are getting jealous.

Going the Wrong Way

Syracuse football fans are painfully aware of the program's decline over the last decade - a decline that went from a slow walk down a hill to a plunge off a cliff with the arrival of current coach Greg Robinson.

Over the last 3 years the team has won a grand total of 7 games. During that same span, the West Virginia Mountaineers have won 33 games. While both statistics aren't new, what this article (down near the bottom) points out is that the Mountaineers are poised to become the Big East program with the most wins historically.

Currently Syracuse sits in 14th place in all-time wins with 670, the Mountaineers are in 15th at 664, and if things go the way many are predicting, the teams very well might be swapping places on the list before the end of October.

This program has too much tradition and history to be this bad - and after three years, Robinson is 26 wins behind a traditional rival and running out of time to right the ship.

Monday Morning Reading

It's Monday, I'm not any more excited about it than you are. Before we get started, if you've got a link, a tip, or a rant about how we suck, please feel free to send it, the less work I have to do, the better.

In NFL news NOT having to do with Brett Favre (have you heard he wants to come back?) Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones' father says he's innocent and in a completely related development, I'll be moving to Arkansas to start selling real estate, there's at least one guy down there I'm pretty sure is interested in some prime swampland.

Speaking of criminal wide receivers, Chris Henry, in addition to not being good at a little thing called following the law, also has proven that he's no money manager.

If you are at a water park whatever happens, DO NOT cut in front of Odell Thurman in line, it will end badly.

Switching over to baseball news, this red sox nation video is so bad I almost think it was made by a Yankee fan because even Red Sox fans aren't this retarded........but something tells me it's real.

The Mets are on fire, the Yankees can't hit, and Big Papi is on his way back.

A little thing called the All Star game is coming up and My Sports Rumors has named Willie Mays as the all time all star MVP.

In Syracuse news, Texan Mark over on the scout board found this one, Vegas has put the over/under on the number of wins the football team hits this year at 2.5 - which seems about right.

The Connecticut Post goes out on a limb and predicts that anything could happen this year in Big East football, gee, thanks for that.

Sir Charles Barkley golfs the way he gambles........not good.

And finally, in news that will make every basketball fan who isn't deaf happy, Billy Packer is done at CBS - we'll have more on this a little later, right now I'm bracing for all the "he was a great broadcaster" BS that comes with a move like this. People love revisionist history.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Jose Goes Down

As Champ told us below, Jose Canseco got his ass kicked Saturday night and I found the video of the steroid freak hitting the canvas over at the Big Lead, who got it from You've Been Blinded. Enjoy.

Mama said knock you out!

Jose Canseco doing his Trevor Berbick imitiation. (Photo: Laham/Getty, NY Dailynews)

Former NFL special team savant Vai Sikahema knocked out America's favorite admitted steroid abuser Saturday night in Atlantic City. Not surprisingly, the scheduled three round slugfest didn't go past the first round.

No one should have been surprised by this one as Vai has been training for a while now:

Next up for Jose? Well if Peter McNeely is unavailalbe, we hear this Glass Joe guy might make for a good fight.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

R.I.P. "Murce"

Yankee Bobby Murcer lost his battle with cancer today.

We'll miss you Bobby. Yankee games on WPIX-11 were the best with yourself and Scooter. You were a class act and a true professional. Rest in peace.

Friday, July 11, 2008

The Dome Could Be Very White on September 13

On September 13 at 3:30 pm under the teflon bubble that is the Carrier Dome, the Penn State Nittany Lions return to Syracuse for the first time since the series ended in 1990.

As a kid, Penn State was right at the top of many Syracuse fan's most hated lists, but with the long passage of time and the divergent paths both programs have taken, the passion simply isn't what it used to be. However, those Penn State fans LOVE their Nittany Lions, consistently filling Beaver Stadium to capacity, regardless of how well the team plays.

This year, the passion of their fans is running higher than Joe Paterno's age, as they approach a complete sell out for the season. They've sold 93,500 season tickets and according to the school the allotment of tickets to many road games, including the one at Syracuse, are already sold out.

Given the fickle nature of Syracuse fans, and the rabid passion of the Penn State contingent, it's not inconceivable that they will fill a large portion of the Dome in September - which will make the game that much more unbearable. Hopefully it doesn't turn into this:

So buck up and buy tickets to this one SU fans - although if you don't, it's a 3:30 game and we idiots plan on taking full advantage of the start time, tailgating in preparation, so that should at least take the edge off.