Thursday, January 29, 2009
Don't Be That Guy: Super Bowl Party Edition
"What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy." ~Jeremy Piven (Droz), P.C.U.
Super Bowl Sunday is quickly upon us. If you're anything like us 3 idiots, then you'll be planted on a couch somewhere grazing on tasty snacks while enjoying a few adult beverages with your buddies.
For party hosts and attendees alike, T3I continues our series of "Don't Be That Guy" with some tips for this year's Super Bowl party.
The Big Grab Bag Guy- This is the guy who shows up at your house having only brought the 99 cent "Big Grab" bag of Doritios at the 7-11 down the street. Coincidentally, this is also the guy who has no problem gorging himself into a blood sugar coma on the homemade food everyone else busted their ass on.
Numbers Guy- He has no problem at all letting you know the numbers he needs to hit on his Super Bowl board from the office. He'll let you know again....and again...and again....and again. You might know his cousin:
Scenario Guy: There's one minute left in the first quarter and Scenario Guy is going to tell you exactly what needs to happen in the next 60 seconds in order for his numbers to hit. "Yea, all we need here is a safety, with a kickoff return for a TD folllowed by a two-point conversion."
Beer For Me Guy: He's either a) the guy who shows up with a 12 pack of some really bad, cheap beer that only he'll drink, or b) the guy who shows up with a 12 pack of some god-awful microbrew that Jeff the Drunk wouldn't touch. He's multidimensional, but still an idiot.
Mr. Hijack- This is the guy who sneaks his way into prime position and decides he's going to run the remote control. Bonus negative points if you're watching a game with DVR/TIVO capabilities, because Mr. H decides when and where the replay feature will be used. Someone usually has to remind this guy to get the TV off Comedy Central because you are about to miss the 2nd half kickoff.
Not Enough Room Man- A note to all potential hosts out there--- don't invite more people to your party than your living room can handle. We've all been to a party at this guy's house.....you're crammed into a corner on the floor trying to see the TV from behind a potted plant sitting on a rawhide bone that the dog left behind. Not fun.
Mr. Chips- If you're going to host, please....we beg you, please have something to eat besides 10 different kinds of chips. Warm appetizers and finger foods do not require a lot of energy.
Al Bundy- We love Al. He likes beer, football and junk food. But Al decides to relate every football game he watches, including the Super Bowl, to a high school game he played in back in 1990.
Ms. Groupie- This one is for the ladies out there. Please don't throw out a "Wow, he's really cute" comment in a room full of men when the cameras zoom in for a player closeup. We could care less, and let's be honest--- it makes us less secure in our manhoods. Men however, it is your duty to comment on cheerleader closeups.
Greg Robinson- As soon as Greg speaks at the party, everyone is thinking "What did he just say?" True story of an experience I had with a Greg Robinson: during one Super Bowl party we all threw in some money for a "pick a player who'll score the first touchdown" bet. We're going around the room making our selections and Greg decides to pick a DEFENSIVE END with his first pick. Don't be this guy, please dear God don't.
Leftover Man- Another tip for the hosts out there-- that leftover dill dip from last week...probably not the best idea to re-serve for your party guests.
Feel free to add any other guys we certainly missed. And to all of the members of Idiot Nation, enjoy your day of grazing and may your pants fit a little tighter come Monday morning.
Previously on "Don't Be That Guy"