It's that time of year again. Your office is buzzing with the excitement that is March Madness office pool. While you are working on coming up with a good excuse for calling in sick on Friday, consider these guys you don't want to be while completing your brackets. A special thanks to my fellow idiots the Russianator and Boss (yes he's alive people) for their help with our list.
Mr. Going Out on a Limb: This is the wild and crazy guy who really goes out on a limb come tournament time. He has all four #1 seeds making the tournament. We know it happened last year (that makes one time in the history of the 64-team field) -- but its as thoughtful as a Whitman's Sampler on Valentine's Day. Come on people you are better than that.
It's Not the Heat It's the Humidity Guy: This is the guy in your office who is the master of the obvious. They are famous for letting you know "That 9 beating an 8 really isn't an upset you know." Really? His other famous words...."You know a 12 always beats a 5." Thanks pal.
Power Conference Guy: This so-called basketball fan sees names like Gonzaga, Xavier & Creighton and assumes that this is their first trip to the dance. His bracket is dotted with UCLAs, Minnesotas, Texas and Clemsons. He's often suggesting Happy Hour locations in chain restaurants...I think you get the idea. Anyone up for some riblets at Applebee's?
Daddy No-bucks Guy: This is the guy who refuses to participate in the office pool because he "never gambles." It's $5 people, suck it up. My bet is you probably have $5 in change in your car right now.
Xerox Guy: This is the guy that fills out 20 different bracket sheets, but remarkably has the same final four in each one. If the economic mess has taught us anything....diversify that portfolio!
Leave it to Junior Guy: He lets his 12yo fill out the bracket, he usually ends up winning.
Fantasyland Guy: He picks his brackets according to "which mascot would win in a fight." T3I disclosure: The Russianator admits doing this once.
Local Yokel Guy: This guy's bracket will feature the local teams overacheiving their way one to two rounds further than anyone else would deem reasonable. This buckeye state resident has Ohio State in the Final 4 , Dayton in the Elite 8, with Cleveland State and Ohio U. getting to the Sweet 16. He also has no chance of winning the pool so you keep feeding him multiple entries to build up the cash take. Many of us know his cousin:
Cuse is in the House Guy: My gambling career has taught me many lessons. Among them, betting and your favorite team never, EVER, mix well together. Don't pick Cuse to win it all until those "Final Four 2nd chance" pools come out.
Abbreviation Guy: This guy abbreviates every selection he makes as he fills out the bracket...Michigan is "UM", Texas A&M is "A&M", Oklahoma State and Ohio State and Oregon State are all "OSU" --- come on people your not getting charged by the megabyte here. This guy frequently doubles as a ...
WAG (Wrong Abbreviation Guy): Western Kentucky is not UWK, nor is New Mexico "NMU" --We'd seriously ban guys like this if we could.
Tom Hanks (aka the Hopeless Romantic): This guy who picks his alma mater to win it all - and his alma mater is a 15 seed.
Mr. I Told You So: It's a fun scene when everyone at the office is huddled around a TV or computer watching a big-time upset unfold. This guy will let you know that he had this upset all along on one of his 239 brackets he filled out.
The Boston College Eagle Guy: The fix is on with him as he's a natural point-shaver. This is the guy who tries to pick all the losing teams because he's trying to get the last place booby prize. To quote Herm Edwards - you PLAY TO WIN THE GAME.
So please, make sure you pick some upsets, and get those abbreviations correct. We beg you, please don't pick an all #1 seed Final Four.
Let us know who we missed.
Previously on Don't Be That Guy: