Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Syracuse Coach to be Replaced by Blogger

Syracuse, NY (Idiot News Service) -- The Three Idiots have learned exclusively that blogger Poncho Sinatra will be added to Syracuse coach Doug Marrone's staff as an assistant coach. Sinatra will replace Stan Drayton, who is leaving the staff to coach at Florida. In one season in Syracuse Drayton established himself as an excellent recruiter and an assistant with a bright future. Sinatra, an Elmira NY native, will have large shoes to fill.

Poncho, best known for his work as the evil genius behind the Sport Hump (remember, it's dot NET) is a former Division III football player and mustache aficionado. While many inside the college football coaching community were surprised when T3I told them of the move, insiders with knowledge of the Syracuse coaching staff felt Marrone wanted to bring a fresh perspective to his staff.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity since the move hasn't formally been announced, a source in the Syracuse athletic department said, "Look, it may be a bit of a reach. After all, Poncho has been out of the game for a while, but Marrone has secretly been a huge fan of the Sport Hump for years now. When it was clear Drayton was leaving, Doug called Poncho in and was blown away by his energy and enthusiasm. Also, Doug is addicted to Panera Bread, where Poncho works, and he knows he will hook the whole team up."

The source continued, "Plus, people don't know this, but money is tight in the Marrone household. In order to get this job he had to secretly agree to kick 90 percent of his salary back to Daryl Gross -- and let's face it, the Bacon Turkey Bravo isn't cheap."

Sinatra is renowned in certain circles for his commitment to fitness, having trained as young man under the tutelage of legendary trainer Izzy Mandelbaum. Here is some exclusive footage of the training Poncho will bring to Delone Carter and his mates.

Marrone is also determined to grow a mustache and after seeing Poncho's vision for how his mug would look covered in an 1800s style face salad, he knew Poncho was the man to mentor him as he grows a sweet stache next year.

In addition to his coaching duties, Sinatra will mentor the Orange players on shitty beer appreciation and will also be responsible for catering all coaching staff barbeques.

T3I attempted to reach Poncho for comment tonight, but he was unavailable. Our best guess as to his whereabouts -- a baking boot camp.

1 comment:

Poncho Sinatra said...

Guys -

This day is a culmination of many prayers, vitamins and years in the gym. I am truly honored to be a part of the SU staff and look forward to our pre-season party at Club Four-Four with all the players girlfriends!

Evacuate the dance floor -

Coach Poncho