Friday, April 30, 2010

The Best Sports Tirade Ever With Guest Backdrop - Steely Dan

"I'll tell you one fuckin' thing, I hope we get fuckin' hotter than shit, just to stuff it up them 3,000 fuckin' people that show up every fuckin' day. Because if they're the real Chicago fuckin' fans, they can kiss my fuckin' ass right downtown and PRINT IT!

That was Cubs Manager Lee Elia 27 years ago during a post game rant to the Chicago media. If you ask me, this one goes down as the best all time. Six Effens' in one paragraph? Priceless.

Thanks to the gentlemen over at TheNewEditor for pointing this one out.

You want a little more.....
The name of the game is hit the ball, catch the ball, and get the fuckin' job done. Right now, we have more losses than we have wins. The fuckin' changes that have happened in the Cub organization are multi-fold. All right, they don't show because we're 5 and 14. And ... unfortunately, that's the criteria of them dumb 15 motherfuckin' percent that come out to day baseball. The other 85 percent are earning a living.

Lee Elia is the New Black. This guy makes Lou Piniella look like an Alter Boy. Such a wondrous verbal assault. My soiled jean shorts are still recovering this morning.

Even better, set this rant to the tune of Steely Dan below. It brings out Elia's vocal tone even better.

Who said Steely Dan was only for your Weird Uncle?

Listen to Me - I'm Kind of a Big Deal

Yesterday Matt McClusky was kind enough (or deranged enough) to once again have me as a guest on his radio show - Matt Mc's Sports Fix. It's always a good time and I appreciate chatting on the air with the esteemed host of the Sports Fix. Yesterday we talked about the Syracuse football schedule, the upcoming SU hoops game against Michigan State, and an NCAA Bowl system that makes the Mike and the Mechanics Bowl seem plausible. Listen to the audio of the show here.

And if you haven't figured it out by now, much like Ron Burgandy, I'm kind of a big deal.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

10 Big Reasons to Go to the Big 10

The internets are a buzz with all of this conference realignment talk. While the Big East has been great for Syracuse hoops, we all know the football version is a dead man walking. Why should Syracuse look forward to a move to the Big 10? Here are 10 reasons:

1. Wisconsin is bratwurst country. They know how to eat in the midwest.

2. The possibility of Greg Robinson returning to the Carrier Dome

3. Big Ten Network on-air talent

4. A budding "Who's the best team in orange and blue?" rivalry with Illinois

5. Sold out Carrier Dome crowds (on the minus side, there will be more visiting fans in the seats than Syracuse, but it beats the sea of grey)

6. The opportunity to be the last team to beat Joe Pa before his retirement

7. Lots of 12:00 ESPN 2 games against a team in red....seriously every Saturday in the fall a Big 10 red team plays on the deuce

8. The chance to break out "A license to kill gophers...." routine every few years

9. No more Dave Sims on ESPN Plus!

10. Warm weather bowl destinations

Colgate Will Get the Bad Taste of Colgate Out of Your Mouth

It's been rumored for quite some time, but Syracuse officially announced Colgate as the team's 12th opponent for the 2010 football season.

For those counting at home, Syracuse now has a Rutgers-esque two Division 1-AA teams on the slate, both at home. Orange fans will be treated to a home schedule that features:

- Maine
- Colgate
- Pittsburgh
- Louisville
- Connecticut
- Boston College

Be still my beating heart. But hey, over the last 5 years it's not like Doctor Gross has jacked up ticket prices for the most loyal fans (suckers) like myself. I'm dumb enough to have premium A level football seats - which means a pair of season tickets run well over a grand. And I live in Albany. Seems worth it for 14 wins in 5 years and two 1-AA teams on the home slate to start the year. Thanks Doc. You're doing a bang up job with this program.

On the bright side, with this schedule the Orange are one step closer to the Mike and the Mechanics Bowl.

How About The Mike and The Mechanics Bowl?

By adding the new Dallas Football Classic and the New Era Pinstripe Bowl at Yankee Stadium, the NCAA tapped out their Bowl schedule for the upcoming season to 35 Bowl games. That means multiple 5-7 teams or 70 of the 120 teams in the Division I level will make a Bowl.


The NCAA Bowl series has become extremely vanilla. Extremely garden-variety. Extremely NBA and NHL playoffs.

Why not let all teams play in a bowl? Why not let all the kids get a chance to swing at a pitch? How about, nobody loses. Ever.

I like this quote,
John Junker, president and CEO of the Fiesta and Insight bowls, said not all teams with so-so records are created equally. He noted that things like strong finishes and overcoming adversity can make for compelling postseason teams.

Really John Junker? (Great name by the way) Let's not count records then. Let's say, if they play hard, with enthusiasm and intensity, they will get a Bowl game birth. We have a lot of companies out there that would be willing to sponsor a bowl game in mid-December on ESPN classic at 1:00 am EST. We all know that these games give big money to the schools athletic departments, even if nobody shows up to the game.

For me, it's always been a New Years day kickoff for the Bowl season. You might have a few great games prior, but that's when I get my Bowl swerve on.

Thirty-Five Bowl games to me is like being stuck in a Price Chopper supermarket for 3 hours with Mike and the Mechanics B-side playing. Yeah, they were ok, but would never get a Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame vote right?

Wait, I take back the entire post. I REALLY like Mike and the Mechanics!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ebay Items of the Week: A Salute to The Gambler

This week's collection is inspired by some weekend TV viewing. Sunday afternoon while feeding ChampBaby, I sat down for a true sports movie classic on one of my 32 HBO channels: the Kenny Rogers masterpiece, Six Pack.

For those of you who haven't seen this cinematic masterpiece, The Gambler plays Brewster Baker, a down-on-his luck stock car driver who decides to take care of 6 orphans against the wishes of a corrupt sherriff...kind of a Southern version of "Different Strokes." Some highlights of this epic:

* Along w/ Kenny, this stars a very young Dianne Lane, Anthony Michael Hall, and the chick who played the Mom on Silver Spoons.

* Tremendous old-school racing footage in the climatic race....we recognized quite a few past HumpIdiot Poll honorees

* Did I mention special cameo by a young Chuck Woolery? I was floored when I recognized the host of Love Connection playing his part as a racing announcer.

Anyways, the world of Ebay offers us plenty of gems for any serious Kenny Rogers collector:

Kenny Trading Cards

My Christmas Tree Will Now Be Complete

What Red Blooded American Doesn't?

Greatest Jacket Ever

And now a little Six Pack Video Bonus (check out Chuck at the 1:56 mark):

Milwaukee Mascot Goes All Mitch Gaylord

Milwaukee Bucks Mascot "Bango" crafted an amazing 20 foot ladder dunk Monday night against the Atlanta Hawks.

In related news, Olympic Gold Medalist Gymnast Mitch Gaylord is one cool cat.

Bob Casullo on Mike Williams

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers site JoeBucsFan talks to SU Assistant Coach Bob Casullo about Mike Williams. The interview is an interesting read. It's clear Casullo likes Mike and is pulling for him, but the coach's assessment was less than glowing at times. For example, check out this Q and A on Williams' football acumen:

Joe: So what is the football side of Mike?

Casullo: When we start talking about his athletic ability, he’s big and very strong. The talent is there and he works hard on the field. He’s going to win most of those battles when the ball is thrown his way in the NFL. Now he gets in the weight room with Curtis Schultz and those guys, his biggest asset is his physical prowess. He has a chance to be a very productive football player. …The biggest difference between college and pro football is getting off the tight press coverages. …It’s not the same at the line of scrimmage, getting open is much more difficult against the NFL corners, finding the seems in zone coverages. The NFL defenses mix up their coverages so much, you really have to be a student of the game to study your own game along with the defenses. What are these coverages? …Guys in college football get away with their athletic ability. To be politically correct here, Mike’s going to have to work very hard on going beyond that. It’s a full-time job at all positions in the NFL, especially at receivers where it’s so complex.

Translation -- Mike's got the physical tools to play in the NFL, but the jury's still out on the mental side of the equation. Check out the entire interview for yourself here.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The JaMarcus Russell Suck-Train About to Leave Oakland

ESPN's John Clayton is reporting that the Raiders are getting ready to cut JaMarcus Russell. To say he's been a disaster in Oakland would be the same as describing the earthquake in Haiti as a minor tremor.

The NFL Draft is the ultimate crap-shoot. Here's a clip from a few years ago after JaMarcus was drafted. Some of the highlights: Mel Kiper saying he will energize the Raider-nation and in three years he could be a top 5 quarterback in the league.

I'm not going to kill Kiper for it -- but it's been 3 years and JaMarcus wouldn't be a top 5 quarterback in any league, unless "sacking yourself" is a category. Then he's number one.

40 ounce - Check...... American flag draped around 40 ounce - Check...

If you like Roller Derby, Billy Dee Williams and America - you'll be impressed with gentlemen over at 40Cozy. If you wanted a sleeve that looks like your Uncle Ron's Bandana, well, they have them too..

This is Sandy. She likes guys that like America, cigarettes, Bandanas and decent quality koozies. She will be the feature dancer tonight at Mel's House of Meat in Chandler, Arizona.

Stop by and say hi. If you get there prior to 7:00 p.m., you get $5.00 off the Prime Rib buffet.

Tell 'em Poncho sent you. And, you're welcome.

The Big East Gets 4 Years of Beef

Beef 'O' Bradys, where marketing materials contain no actual pictures of beef

Setting aside the fact that no one knows what the Big East conference will look like in 4 years, a press release just came across my desk here at Idiot Headquarters announcing that the Beef ‘O’ Brady’s Bowl St. Petersburg (not a typo, that's the actual name of the bowl, they had to wedge St. Petersburg in there) has signed a 4 year contract with the Big East and Conference USA. If either the Big East or C-USA doesn't have a team they can send to this extravaganza, the Sun Belt Conference has happily agreed to kick one of its crappy teams into the mix.

This should make both Champ and Boss happy, as both idiots have been long-time fans of the Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders (I am not making this up - this is actually true). So theoretically, the Syracuse Orange could be facing off against the Blue Raiders in front of literally hundreds of adoring fans. Good times.

Beef 'O' Bradys - with the official tagline "See You at Beefs".....sounds appetizing. Or not.

The French Soccer Team Likes French Fries Less Crispy

As you may already know, we know little of this diversion that is Soccer. We know our Latin and European friends love it. One thing we do like is the crispy, crunchy taste of french fries.

What do you get when you take the French National soccer team and mix it with a little pinch of underage prostitutes? Not french fries. It looks like the team was going all Ben Roethlisberger a year or so ago while blowing off steam over the '09 cheese and crumpet shortage in Bordeaux.

I enjoy my fries with a little Chris Farley

Random Yankee Stat of the Day

Texas Rangers shortstop Elvis Andrus cannot catch the throw in time as New York Yankees runner Brett Gardner steals second base in New York

Today's random Yankee stat of the day -- so far this year Brett Gardner has as many or more stolen bases (9) than ten other MLB teams -- including the Red Sox, who have only swiped 8 bags so far this year.

Here's Brett's inside the park home run from last year. Dude's got jets.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Greg Robinson Weekly: Spring Practice Edition

Has anyone else thought that the best thing about a potential move to the Big 10 would be playing a Greg Robinson coached defense? It's been a while since we checked in on our boy GRob. Since spring ball is in full swing, why not now?

"Last spring, he said his “head was spinning” from studying personnel and unfamiliar opponents,"
~ Ann

"I don't know if I've been anywhere where you haven't changed, tweaked something based on your talent." and "I was very frustrated as a coach," Robinson said of the 2009 season. ~Detroit News

"I don't know that the outside world needs to be confident," Robinson said. "You might want to be, but you're not going to be confident until you see us go out and play well." ~Toledo Blade

“It’s night and day different. I do not need my decoder ring any more. I always tell them that I did not wear my decoder ring today that I did not know we were in period three or that we meet at this…I didn’t know. I needed somebody to guide me along." Grob Q & A

We Enjoy These Guys: The Can-Am Connection

Did you enjoy these guys?

What do you get when you combine 1-part Canadian Rick Martel and 1-part American Tom Zenk? You get a parody called the Cam-Am Connection.

The Can-Am Connection had been formed by Martel in the Montreal International Wrestling Association in 1986. Tom Zenk was the boyfriend of Martel's sister-in-law, and had been introduced to Martel in the AWA by Curt Hennig. It's all about family in 1980's WWF Tag Teams. The team made their WWF in-ring debut on October 23, 1986 against the team of Steve Lombardi (later the Brooklyn Brawler) and Moondog Spot which they won. Moondog Spot, I think I gave one of those to my ex-girlfriend?

The Can Am Connection contested a series of matches with former tag-team champions The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine), the team of Kamala and Sika, and the team of Magnificent Moraco and "Ace" Cowboy Bob Orton, whom they would face and defeat at WrestleMania III.

If you like a lil' Rick "The Model" Martel, go visit his site that probably has been sedentary since 1997.

If you like a lil' Tom Zenk, we have that as well.

Good Jesus Jiffy Pop, I enoy these guys.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

T3I Field Report: A Night at Roller Derby

This is a busy time in the world of sports. The NBA and NHL playoffs are underway. Major League baseball is in full swing (and the Red Sox are already six games back), and the Kentucky Derby is next week. So naturally what did I do the other night? If you guessed I went to the roller derby, you'd be correct.

Saturday I made the field trip to the Washington Avenue Armory to watch the Albany All Stars take on the Long Island Roller Rebels, and I'll be honest with you, there are worse ways to spend a Saturday night.

Never having been to a roller derby bout (apparently the matches are called bouts) I wasn't sure what I was getting into but I did have a few basic expectations. The main one was that there would be an actual raised track, with railings, like this.

Sadly, this was not the case. The track in the Armory was flat and upon closer inspection during one of the intermissions, it was nothing more than electrical tape laid out in an oval. Definitely a disappointment, but hey, it cost $10 to get in and since the Albany team asks for donations on it's web site for it's banked track fund, it's clear that the league's resources are a dollar or two shy of those in the NFL - or XFL for that matter.

To get a better feel for what I'm talking about, here's some video from a bout in Albany that occurred in February.

After getting over my initial disappointment at a lack of a track and railings that people would be hurled over, we settled in for some derby action. The first plus of the night was the fact that the concession stand was stocked with Stella Artois. That was a huge score. Sure, they also had Bud Light Lime and a few other shitty beers if you were so inclined, nothing goes better with an event featuring large, scantily clad, women covered in make up on roller skates than a premium Belgian import. You'll have to trust me on this one.

So we settle in and the match/bout whatever the hell you want to call it begins and two things are obvious, 1) you do not want to mess with these women, and 2) the announcer is wearing a purple satin suit and goes by the name Moe Cheezmo.

I'll get to the announcer in the second. In terms of the participants, they are ladies of various sizes and shapes, almost all of them covered in a ton of make up and wearing their roller derby uniform. As far as I can tell, the uniform consists of a tank top and then after that, it's up to the team member to chose what else she's going to wear. Some wore skirts, some just bikini bottoms, one person had shorts and 90 percent of them were wearing fishnet stockings. I saw more fishnets the other night than a fisherman does in a year.

The bout was called by aforementioned announcer who roams trackside calling the action and urging the crowd to get loud. As I mentioned, the outfit he was sporting the other night consisted of a purple suit coupled with some white shoes. Here's Mr. Cheezmo calling the action (I apologize for the picture quality, all I had was the crappy camera on my blackberry)

A cool feature of roller derby is that every one has a stage name. Even the refs go by snappy monikers like Wellen Doud and and Maul Bunyan. Every sport should do this. Can you imagine if Tim Higgins got to pick his own stage name? He would probably go with something like King Timmy or Large and In Charge. Ahh, good times.

So with Cheezmo calling the action, the bout gets underway. To the best of my knowledge it works something like this - each team skates around in a circle and each team designates a "jammer" who gets points by getting past the opposing team. Each team also fields "blockers" whose job is to stop the other team's jammer. There are some other nuances to it, but basically that's all you need to know.

Well that and the fact that Albany team's blockers did a lot of skating and very little actual blocking. They got crushed by their opponents from Long Island - losing the game by 40 points. I felt like I was watching a Greg Robinson led SU team. The Long Island team had some woman named C-Roll who skated circles around the lovely ladies from Albany. In the words of Yoda, competitive this one wasn't.

As far as the action itself, there's definitely a lot of bumping and grabbing, but the cartoonish violence that I seem to remember from years ago isn't there. No one was punching any one in the head, there were no flying clotheslines or drop kicks. Just some scary looking women throwing hip checks at each other - which still isn't a bad thing. At one point one of the ladies from Long Island got really pissed and had to be restrained from going after an Albany team member by the rest of her team. Sadly we were robbed of a full on roller derby brawl. That would have been awesome beyond words.

Here are a couple more bad shots of the action:

The Long Island team huddles up during a time out:

All in all, for the $10 it was two solid hours of entertainment -- so if you get a chance, I'd recommend you check out some roller derby, but make sure there's a decent beer to go along with your evening. It classes things up a bit.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The SOB Awards Day 2: Best Picture

Welcome to Day 2 of the 2010 SOB Awards. Hopefully you enjoyed yesterday's festivities and didn't stay up too late last night purchasing your Tim Tebow Denver Broncos jersey on the Internet.

We kick today off with the Best Picture category and before we get to the winner I'll give you a hint as to who didn't win -- the Hurt Locker will be taking home no SOB Awards this year. Besides, Kathryn Bigelow has bigger arms than I do, even giving her a fake award would totally intimidate me.

As you can imagine there are quite a few Syracuse-related photos (real and photo shopped) on the Internet, so this category was a competitive one. Let's get to it.


Sean from Nunes Magician went with Scoop's face in this pic:

Brian from Cuse Orange chose one of Sean's LOL Cats:

Dan Lyons from the Bleacher Report got all sentimental on us with this Andy Rautins/Mike Hopkins pic:

Here's Steve from Cuse Orange on his choice: "AO not hugging Gross or Murphy on Senior Night. Cracked me up." (cracked me up too, nice work Steve)

Josh from Cuse Country went with a crowd shot of the Villanova game:

Also from Cuse Country, the Syracusan went with a sea of big heads:

And now, we get to the good stuff. The runner-up in the best photo category was the choice of Brian Harrison of Orange44 and D.A. of the Orange Fizz. It's Otto getting frisky:

And now the big moment - the winner of the 2010 SOB for Best Picture.....the little kid who hates Georgetown! The Glaude from HoyaSuxa, Jameson Fleming of the Bleacher Report and yours truly all agreed that this was the picture of the year. Take it away Georgetown hating kid:

Congratulations to the kid and a special note to his parents - you're raising him right. Keep doing what you're doing. The award for Best Senior will be presented at Orange44 at 10 am. Over to you Brian.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The SOB Awards - Best Original Theme Song

We've got to hand it to Sean, creating a new SOB for "Best Original Theme Song" is like creating a new award to honor the best pajamas worn by an octogenarian men's magazine publisher or creating an award to honor the worst use of a penis in a Georgia bathroom by an NFL quarterback. In other words, there was really only one choice for this award from the get go. Since there's no suspense which song will win, let's get right to it - the winner of 2010 SOB for Best Original Theme Song is......

Shut it Down by Rob Murphy! (add respectful applause and quiet nodding here)

Coach - explain to our audience how the song came about:

Let's take a look at how the voting went down, with my snarky comments added in italics for some additional fun.

Sean -- Nunes Magician: Shut It Down, natch. Everyone else was just pretending. (ummmm there were others?)

Brian -- CuseOrange: Shut It Down. True love is finding a woman who will let this be the first song played at our wedding. (I'm getting married in July, I can tell you there will be no 'shutting it down' at my wedding. There better not be any shutting it down on the honeymoon either)

The Glaude - Hoya Suxa: Shut It Down. I want this song played at my wake. (Something tells me Georgetown fans will be happy when the big man in the sky finally shuts the Glaude down)

Dan Lyons - the Bleacher Report: Shut it Down Remix, although "We Are Orange" needs some love (if you somehow missed We Are Orange - check it out here).

Brian Harrison - Orange44: Shut it Down Remix. Way better than the original and I actually enjoy it versus the original which, sorry folks, I never liked. (uh oh, Harrison rocking the boat)

Judge for yourselves:

Orange Chuck - the Big Orange Bloggers: Shut It Down: Only because I never recorded I'm At The Dome but it still wins hands down, even inspired a video about how much it haunts us. Unless Ke$ha comes out with a Syracuse theme, Coach Murph wins this award. Lets Go was a pretty good song too.

Chuck, here's how I like my Ke$ha - as a parody:

D.A. - The Orange Fizz: Our fight song. As it was played after Georgetown (twice). After Nova. After winning the Big East. After the Gonzaga blowout. After every neutral court victory. (Not sure this qualifies as 'original')

Andrew - Three Idiots: Shut it down. Until it is re-recorded by Jennifer Hudson who then butchers it. (Yes, I'm still angry over the abomination that One Shining Moment turned into this year).

So congratulations Coach Murphy on the the Best Original Theme Song. The SOB is in the mail, trust us.

Head over to Cuse Country at 4 pm for the Best Player Quote of the Season.

The Angels are With John Marinatto

Big East Commissioner John Marinatto talks to ESPN about the future of the Big East and potentially losing teams to the Big 10. While Marinatto actually says nothing of substance in the interview, he doesn't need to, as you can clearly see over his shoulder the angels are with John. At this point, praying may very well be the best hope to save his league. Especially if you read Dick Weiss' latest story in the Daily News.

Michael Smith Does a Mean Mel Kiper

The NFL draft kicks off tonight and that means one thing - Mel Kiper mania! We will be seeing Mel and his immovable hair all weekend long. I personally love Mel and the NFL draft is his personal Cialis. Let's just say by Sunday he may need to see his doctor about something lasting longer than 4 hours.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, which means Michael Smith loves Mel too. I missed this when it happened, but here's Smith doing his Kiper impersonation, it's pretty awesome.

Random Yankee Stat of the Day

CC Sabathia has 18 strike outs in 19 innings pitched so far this year. Conversely, JD Drew has already whiffed 19 times in 50 at bats.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Will McNabb and TO be Reunited?

The theater of the absurd that is the NFL off-season continues to get weirder. First the Eagles trade Donovan McNabb within the division to the Redskins and now there are multiple reports that McNabb wants the 'skins to sign his good buddy Terrell Owens. While Washington hasn't committed to any such act just yet, you know Daniel Snyder is just ITCHING to do it.

While nothing is a done deal yet -- a David Lee Roth -- Van Halen reunion has a better chance of holding up than this one does. Can you imagine what would happen if halfway through the year the Redskins have a losing record, TO has terrible stats (because he's washed up) and McNabb misses him a few times by burying balls in the turf? That should go better than Joe Biden at a Tea Party rally.

USA Today is saying both McNabb and the Redskins are down playing the rumors, but we know this, if TO does become a Redskin and he and Donovan make it through the season on speaking terms, TO may just have his back. After all, Donovan -- that's his quarterback - maybe.

In other Eagles news, McNabb and the Redskins come to Philly on October 3rd. While I'm sure most Eagle fans will welcome number 5 back in a respectful manner, I'm equally sure that a vocal, drunk minority will come up with some classless displays that will no doubt garner national media attention. I just hope people leave their batteries at home.

The Final Days of the Big East

It's no secret the college football landscape is changing and in terms of the Big East, the future isn't bright. Champ and I have had many conversations regarding our displeasure with the way the Big East has been run - specifically the failure to address the glaring holes on the football side of the conference and letting Notre Dame reap the benefits of conference membership in every other sport.

Sean at Nunes Magician put together an outstanding post on why the Big East won't exist in 2013. It hits all the major issues and in my opinion is dead on. If you haven't seen it, check it out.

And rest assured, there won't be a ground swell of Notre Dame fans clamoring to join the Big 10 and thereby save the Big East. Matt Hinton at Dr. Saturday gives us the lowdown on how that fanbase is reacting to the remote possibility the Irish would join the Big 10 -- and I don't have to tell you, once you make protest T-shirts and invoke "suckhole," there's no turning back.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Smurf Turf Soon to be 27% Less Smurfy

We love the smurf turf at Boise State. Sure it's gimmicky and a little absurd, but when it comes right down to it, sports are supposed to be gimmicky and a little absurd. However, I have to admit that sometimes it's tough watching the Broncos play on the blue stuff. There's just something off with the contrast of the turf and when Boise State is wearing their home blues, the players tend to blend right into the field. Check it out.

Next season this problem will be corrected, as the turf is getting replaced this summer with a different shade of blue, which will supposedly be better on the eyes than the current version. This is great news for football fans who want to watch Chris Peterson's team play and actually see the players.

So while we support the smurf turf and look forward to the new color, we're drawing the line at Eastern Washington's soon to be red turf. Sorry scary video voice over guy, we're not buying this:

Random Yankee Stat of the Day

Two weeks into the 2010 MLB season, Robinson Cano is on pace for 135 RBI.

David Ortiz is on pace for 25.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Syracuse Football - Through the Eyes of a Google Search

While searching for videos on the Syracuse spring game, I came across this video which documents Syracuse football since 2005 through the prism of a Google search. Check it out, it's only 35 seconds long, you can spare the time, besides it ends with a glorious goal - the Beef O'Brady Bowl.

Spring Fever - Syracuse Beats Syracuse

The Syracuse football team ended spring practice with the annual spring "game," with the offense beating the defense 66-58. Writing about this is difficult for a number of reasons - A) none of us were there B) It wasn't on TV C) In games of this nature it's impossible to tell whether great performances are the result of great play or poor competition.

So, let's let the people who were there tell us what went down. Dave Rahme brings us some good news - the dreaded bubble screen is gone. It disappeared like parachute pants and MC Hammer's finances. In short, we won't be seeing plays like this anymore:

The result of a more vertical, pro-style attack - the offense threw for 537 yards and six touchdowns. Now, skeptics would point out that the secondary got torched last year and this is clearly a bad omen and sign the area is still a big weakness, but since it's a new year and hope springs eternal, let's chalk it up some great offense. The success also could be due to the fact that there's a chance the defense didn't throw the kitchen sink at the offense because you don't want to get anyone hurt. Or it could mean Doug Marrone is an offensive genius.

The other factor here - Charley Loeb went 18-23 for 259 yards and 3 tds. He did this exclusively against the second team defense. So we know Loeb certainly has some tremendous upside potential and we know the second team defense has a lot of room for improvement.

Another good development from the game - while Doug Hogue got a little nicked up, no one was injured. Unless suspended players Delone Carter, Ryan Gillium or Torey Ball fell down a flight of steps during the game or something. On a team with limited depth, avoiding the injury bug that devastated last year's limited roster will be key.

So now enter the summer hoping everyone gets better, certain players avoid getting into fisticuffs (whether the are snowball related or not) and we wait for August. The wait will be long - for football fans it always is - but you've got to feel good about the direction of the team. Even if SU has astoundingly failed to schedule a 12th game, but that's another story for another day.

Take it away Rahme:

SU spring game

Saturday, April 17, 2010

McNabb's Mustache Paralyzes Shanahan

After getting a glimpse of Donovan McNabb's sweet mustache Mike Shanahan becomes paralyzed with fear. Sources say he hasn't looked at his new quarterback since, fearing that a mustache will magically appear on him, ruining his rat-like features.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Will The Real Nick Johnson Please Stand Up

Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket!

As a genuine Yankee fan, I was initially hesitant about the return of Nick Johnson to the Bronx Bombers this season. After a few stints with the Nationals and Marlins, I put this 32 year old as a mediocre journeyman who could contribute little to the Yankees deep lineup. Although he hasn't had a great start this year, Mr. Pyle is starting to grow on me.

If you watch Nick Johnson play, he reminds you of a throwback player - Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig style throwback. He's a bit clumsy, pasty and has that womanizing look about him. You could have pictured him out with the babe, feasting on NYC's finest petticoat's back in the glory years. He has a Nick Swisher swagger to him that seems to resonate in the clubhouse. He is also the nephew of one of my favorite MLB personalities, Larry Bowa, who is currently the third base coach for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Enjoy this spring training clip with Joe Girada really getting on Nick Johnson during some drills.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

We Are Still Alive

Quick programming note for the three readers out there wondering about the lack of action around here - we aren't dead yet (even Boss, I got an email from him recently). I was on vacation last week and returned to a pile of work and work-related travel, Champ and Poncho have been buried lately too.

Hang in there, we'll be back -- because after all, there simply isn't enough bad writing and crappy jokes on the Internet.

In the meantime - if you want a great golf course to check out the next time you are in Myrtle Beach, I highly recommend Grande Dunes. This is Rush Ramsey for YouTube Travel.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Ebay Items of the Week: Bam Bam

This week's Ebay items of the week are inspired from a text message from T3I poster AJV who pointed out that former Yankee "can't miss" prospect Hensley "Bam Bam" Meulens is the new hitting instructor for the San Francisco Giants. We're suckers for old Yankee players from the '80s and '90s.

Little did you know that "Bam Bam" lives on in the world of online auctions:

Hensley goes "Bam" in the '95 Japan World Series:

Monday, April 5, 2010

2010 Masters Preview

Tiger Woods at the Masters.

There will be a lot of Masters preview stories over the next few days. To save you some time, I've boiled down all the relevant points in each article into one post. Think of it as a service from us to you. Here they are:

Tiger Tiger Tiger Police Report Tiger Rehab Tiger Layoff Tiger Tiger Sex Tiger Tiger Drugs Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Rust Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Mistresses Tiger Tiger Tiger Elin Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Car Crash Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Scandal Tiger Tiger Green Jacket Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Amen Corner Tiger Ambien Tiger Jack Nicklaus 18 majors Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Buddhism Elin Tiger Cheating Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Five Month Lay off Tiger Tiger Tiger Azaleas Tiger Private Life Elin Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger and Phil

So there's that - and we also know directly from Tiger after he starts hitting balls and balls and balls, they get itchy.

#1: 1990 UNLV

This stupid countdown comes to an end tonight.

The #1 spot on the Top 20 NCAA Champions, Other Than 2003 Syracuse, of the HumpIdiot Era belongs to the 1990 UNLV Runnin' Rebels.

Poncho, "Towel biting Jerry Tarkanian led this club to the ’90 NCAA championship over a gritty Duke team. Runnin' Rebels were among the most exciting teams in the nation. They consistently led the nation in points scored, turnovers forced, gold teeth and most importantly - wins."

Russianator, "The NCAA outlaw Jerry Tarkenian and his band of criminals rampaged through college basketball that year, crushing the Dukies in the final game. This was a really memorable tournament, with Loyola Marymount making a run after being inspired by Hank Gathers and Dennis Scott ended up scoring the most points in the tournament. I always loved Dennis Scott - an unrepentent gunner who shot too many 3s and played no defense. I modeled my own game after 3D. He was also great in mid 1990s Sega NBA Basketball games. "

Boss, "Yes kids...the Big West Conference produced a National Champion. Big Monday's were never the same without UNLV, UCSB, Utah State and NMSU brawling into the morning hours on the east coast. "

Captain, "I remember everyone fearing UNLV that year. Larry Johnson was a man among boys. Also the year that Loyola Marymount ran deep into the tourney after losing Hank Gathers. "

AJV, "Totally legit. No scandals, classy school, coach and players. They were however very scary. Tark the Shark chomping on towels like Charles Barkley chomps on Taco Bell. LJ, Anderson Hunt, Stacy Augmon, Greg Anthony making Bobby Hurley cry great childhood memories. "

Champ, "Two words: amoeba defense. It made Bobby Hurley literally poops his pants. I knew Russianator would have a Dennis Scott reference here...Lethal Weapon 3, Scott, Kenny Anderson and the Other Guy. I'm still bitter over Cuse losing to Minnesota in the Sweet 16. Michigan State got absolutely robbed in this one when Kenny Anderson tossed in a shot after the buzzer."

T3I Video Bonus: Kenny's Buzzer Beater That Didn't Beat The Buzzer

1990 One Shining Moment

The Complete List:

#2: 1982 UNC
#3: 1985 Villanova
#4: 1983 NC State
#5: 1996 Kentucky
#6: 1994 Arkansas
#7: 1992 Duke
#8: 1984 Georgetown
#9: 1989 Michigan
#11: 1997 Arizona
#12: 1993 UNC
#13: 2005 UNC
#14: 1999 UConn
#15: 1991 Duke
#16: 1986 Louisville
#17: 1995 UCLA
#18: 2008 Kansas
#19: 2004 UConn
#20: 2001 Duke and 2006 Florida (Tie)

Others Receivng Votes: 1988 Kansas, 2009 UNC

Sunday, April 4, 2010

So What Do I Do With My McNabb Jersey?

View more news videos at:

Well, that happened. When the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb out of the University of Houston in 2007, the writing was on the wall for Donovan McNabb. The only way he was going to stay in Philadelphia was to win a SuperBowl. That was three years ago - and the in those three years, the Eagles didn't get it done. Although McNabb tossed 64 tds, threw for nearly 12,000 yards and only had 28 picks over that period of time, it wasn't enough.

Determined to trade him this year and usher in the Kolb era, the Eagles dealt McNabb to the division rival Washington Redskins. If Jason Cole of Yahoo Sports is accurate, it was McNabb who forced his way into Washington by refusing to go anywhere else. Whether that's 100 percent accurate or not, it doesn't change the fact that he's gone and Michael Wilbon thinks he's a perfect fit in Washington. I do too - which sucks since the Eagles play the Redskins twice a year.

As a lifelong fan of both the Eagles and Syracuse, this hurts. It was clear the Eagles were shopping McNabb, so it's not a surprise, but its not fun either. No one knows if Kevin Kolb will be any good. He had two starts last year and put up big numbers against bad pass defenses. He played at Houston - he's never stood on the biggest stage under the brightest lights and performed. That doesn't mean he can't, it just means we don't know. Now, because the guy he's replacing is just down the road, the glare will be more intense than anyone could have imagined.

It's clear Andy Reid thinks Kolb gives them the best chance to win going forward. If he's right, the Eagles will have that elusive SuperBowl title, because that's the only thing McNabb hasn't delivered. If he's wrong, he'll be unemployed - or he should be. There's a lot riding on this for everyone.

For McNabb, he's going to play for a coach in Mike Shanahan with who has a history of taking an aging, mobile quarterback with a history of almost winning the big one and getting it done. John Elway was 34 when Shanahan showed up, a year older than McNabb, and Elway ended up retiring with two SuperBowl rings. Now before you jump down my throat comparing the two, McNabb has better career stats at this point in his career compared to Elway, and neither had won a Superbowl.

Is McNabb a perfect player? Of course not - but he's been very, very good for a long time. Never surrounded by top flight receivers and playing for a coach who steadfastly refused to establish the run and constantly mismanaged the clock, the Eagles with McNabb at the helm were never quite able to get over the hump.

For a certain segment of Philly fans, McNabb could never do enough. Those people are morons. Here's what McNabb did - he played the game hard, he played the game with integrity and class, he had fun on the field and didn't throw his teammates under the bus. Constantly criticized, he didn't take the bait and get into fights in the media and always represented his team with dignity and class. In short, he's a solid citizen who just so happens to be a Pro Bowl quarterback.

When I became an Eagle fan, Ron Jaworski was the quarterback. He was easily my favorite Eagle ever - until they drafted McNabb. I was sad when Jaws got phased out for Randall Cunningham and I'm sadder now that McNabb has been replaced by Kevin Kolb. I'll always be an Eagles fan -- as Jerry Seinfeld said we're all just rooting for laundry anyway -- but I'll certainly miss having number 5 at the controls. Farewell Donovan - I'd wish you luck but I detest the Redskins and that team just got a lot better tonight.

For those that wanted him gone - cue the Cinderella:

#2: 1982 North Carolina

Dean Smith makes his second appearance on this stupid countdown as his '82 squad lands at the #2 spot on the Top 20 NCAA Champions, Other Than 2003 Syracuse, Of The HumpIdiot Era Countdown.

Russianator, "The world met Michael Jordan. Fred Brown went color blind. Georgetown lost. Good times all the way around."

Boss, "Sam Perkins, James Worthy, Michael Jordan on one get the idea."

AJV, "MJ, Worthy, Sleepy Eye Sam Perkins, Dean Smith, beating G'town earns bonus points in my book. "

Captain, "#1 Georgetown lost, #2 Look at the names in this game Michale Jordan, Patrick Ewing, James Worthy, Sleepy Floyd, Sam Perkins. Pretty good talent pool if you ask me , #3 Georgetown lost "

Champ, "A loaded Carolina team...the genesis of the Matt Doherty coaching era at UNC."

T3I Video Bonus: '82 Ending In As Far Away From HD As Possible:

The Complete List:

#3: 1985 Villanova
#4: 1983 NC State
#5: 1996 Kentucky
#6: 1994 Arkansas
#7: 1992 Duke
#8: 1984 Georgetown
#9: 1989 Michigan
#11: 1997 Arizona
#12: 1993 UNC
#13: 2005 UNC
#14: 1999 UConn
#15: 1991 Duke
#16: 1986 Louisville
#17: 1995 UCLA
#18: 2008 Kansas
#19: 2004 UConn
#20: 2001 Duke and 2006 Florida (Tie)

Others Receivng Votes: 1988 Kansas, 2009 UNC

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Best Place for a Red Sox Bar

Steve Barnes of the Albany Times Union has a blog called Table Hopping that's fantastic - it's a daily read for anyone in the capital region who likes food. When I was checking it out yesterday, this post asking readers to help identify a "Red Sox-friendly bar" and the very first comment cracked me up -- because it's perfect.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Nickel, Double Nickel and the Buffalo Nickel

We appreciate the Syracuse Post Standard's sports coverage. Mike Waters, Donna Ditota, and Dave Rahme are the first to provide Syracuse fans with coverage of our beloved SU teams. They have the access, training, time and space to provide us with the information we crave and consume on a daily basis.

For the last 20 years, Donnie Webb has covered the Syracuse football team. Say whatever you will about Donnie, I have personally appreciated his coverage of the team and knowledge of the game of football. I liked the fact that he reported fairly and wasn't afraid to tell it like it is -- especially through the pitch black years that were the Greg Robinson era.

This spring, Donnie was replaced by long-time sports writer Nolan Weider. That's fine. I don't know Mr. Weider and have high hopes that he will do a fine job covering the team.

However, watching his learning curve evolve is already painful. In his April 1 story on spring practice, Weider tells us, "using an extra defensive back is known as a nickel defense, and using two extra “nickel” backs is known as a dime defense."

This might seem petty, but I don't give a crap -- explaining to football fans the definition of a "nickel" defense is insulting. Any one that's watched more than a quarter of football knows what a nickel defense is. There are 24 hour football networks. The TV and internet are flooded every day of the year with football news and knowledge. Ron Jaworski made a name for himself in the broadcast industry by meticulously breaking down game film every day of the year on ESPN.

Football fans know what a nickel defense is. Football fans, especially those reading about spring football, know what a dime defense is. When the local paper has a guy writing about football who feels the need to explain these things, the paper loses credibility and readers, which the paper can hardly afford in a marketplace that is more competitive than ever.

What the story tells me is that either the reporter knows little to nothing about football - or the editor knows little to nothing about football and assumes the average reader doesn't either. If I want to learn what a nickel defense is, I can read Football for Dummies. I read the Post Standard to get information about a team I love that I don't have access to.

Look, all we want are reports on how the team is developing. If the reports we get from the Post Standard are remedial, we'll go elsewhere for our Orange football fix.

Everyone knows mainstream media, especially print media, is in deep, deep financial trouble. I am a firm believer that we need the media to continue bringing us the information we desire. In the age of the internet and free instant access to sports news, the fight for readers centers around who has information the quickest, and who can provide that information in a credible manner. I know for a fact that if you treat your readers like retards, they will be smart enough to go elsewhere.

I have nothing against Nolan Weider -- this rant is not directed at him. I'm sure he didn't ask for this assignment and is doing his best, but I hope against hope that when he decides to explain what the shotgun formation is, someone above him is smart enough to understand that the readers are looking for something a little more. And if readers don't get it from the Post Standard, they will go elsewhere.

Rant over - let's get back to dick jokes and hypothetical gambling.

#3: 1985 Villanova

The Top 20 NCAA Champions, Other Than 2003 Syracuse, Of The HumpIdiot Countdown rolls on. Checking in at the #3 spot are Rollie's '85 Villanova Wildcats.

AJV, "Any underdog deserves consideration; the fact that they were lead by a great Italian-American man earns them spots in the top 10."

Boss, " The Wildcats run in '85 defines March Madness -- the best 3 weeks in sports. "

Captain, " Three of the four Final 4 teams were Big East schools ( St. Johns was good once too kids ) and nobody expected 'Nova to beat Georgetown."

Russianator, " Coached by a Danny DeVito look alike, the Wildcats pulled off one of the greatest upsets off all time when a white guy named Harold Jensen kept making jump shots. It got better when we later learned half the team was doing copious amounts of blow, including at the White House ceremony to celebrate the title. Plus Georgetown lost. You can't beat that in my book."

Champ, "This was a reallife Rocky Balboa story, minus the inspirational training montage. That Hoya team was just plain evil. A young Champ fell asleep during this game and awoke the next morning to the unbelievable news. Another loaded team that came up short-- that '85 St. Johns team. Bill Wennington's beard ruled."

Poncho, " Villanova coached by Rollie Massimino, won the national title with a 66–64 victory in the final game over Georgetown. This eventually led me to attend the Villanova basketball camp in the summer of 1988. During that camp I got into a fight with Dr. J’s son and was suspended. (True Story) Plus, nothing beats an All Big East Final, eh?"

T3I Video Bonus: Philly Channel WCAU Local Coverage:

The Complete List:

#4: 1983 NC State
#5: 1996 Kentucky
#6: 1994 Arkansas
#7: 1992 Duke
#8: 1984 Georgetown
#9: 1989 Michigan
#11: 1997 Arizona
#12: 1993 UNC
#13: 2005 UNC
#14: 1999 UConn
#15: 1991 Duke
#16: 1986 Louisville
#17: 1995 UCLA
#18: 2008 Kansas
#19: 2004 UConn
#20: 2001 Duke and 2006 Florida (Tie)

Others Receivng Votes: 1988 Kansas, 2009 UNC

Great Moments in NC State Basketball Since 1983

It seems like some fine good old boys from the South took exception to our inclusion of NC State on our HumpIdiot countdown. These folks had a message for "yall" out there. So we'd like to offer an olive branch and pay tribute to all the memorable moments in NC State basketball since their great run in 1983:

An Idiot On The Road - Celebrating Bernie Carbo

It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear. For those of you that don't know - I spend AMPLE hours working my way through the various airports our wonderful country has to offer. I'm currently in Philadelphia, "The Jewel of the East", returning  from Arizona. Once, just once, would I appreciate the opportunity to take the reigns at this dingy labyrinth and command the fabulous TSA folks that my 3.5 oz lotion does not contain chemical explosives. It contains "things" to replenish my pale Irish face from the "dry" heat from Scottsdale. That's it. 

Well, as I gazed the tubes this afternoon I noticed I saw this little gem about Bernie Carbo, a former Red Sox hero that launched the greatest pinch-hit home run in Red Sox history. Well, he admitted he was high on drugs during the 1975 World Series. I know, a lot of players were high on something back in the day, but I loved this particular quote.

I probably smoked two joints, drank about three or four beers, got to the ballpark, took some [amphetamines], took a pain pill, drank a cup of coffee, chewed some tobacco, had a cigarette, and got up to the plate and hit.

Folks, that's tremendous. I hereby state that April 1st 2010 is Bernie Carbo day. I was always thinking about some new vice I could fall victim to for my upcoming softball league and I figured this would be my new routine prior to each game. Bernie Carbo style.

Anyone know where I can get some decent amphetamines that are reasonably priced?