NEW YORK, NY (Idiot News Service) - Corpulent Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid today walked into NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell's office in Manhattan and threw a challenge flag on his desk. A source that witnessed the incident said Reid then proceeded to lobby Goodell to shorten the league's games to three quarters. The source claims Reid was in Goodell's office for about 20 minutes before rushing out to come to the aid of defensive coordinator Juan Castillo who had accidentally swallowed a game piece from Candyland.
Reid's team has blown an astounding 5 fourth quarter leads on the way to a disappointing 3-6 season and in order to reverse the slide, Reid has embarked on an effort to change NFL games to three quarters. While Goodell wasn't immediately available for comment, Reid was reached by phone after today's meeting.
While he wouldn't confirm or deny the fact that he'd like to only play three quarters every game, Reid did say, "The NFL has to do a better job of putting the first, second and third quarters in a position to make plays. That's on them. I think we all realize the fourth quarter hurts that. The NHL only has three periods and that's working out just fine for them. I loved the hockey SuperBowl last year. That thing was good."
Reid continued, "I'll have to look at the film before I can give you an answer on whether we should play four quarters, however, I can tell you this -- the fourth quarter is not fun. If you've got a lead people expect you do crazy things like give LeSean McCoy the ball. That's something we're just not prepared to do. Also, by the fourth quarter Juan is really hungry and he can't think straight. He usually has a snack pack and some string cheese at halftime but that never holds him over."
Reid is believed to be the lone voice in the movement to get rid of a full 15 minutes of game play and other coachesrefused to comment, thinking it was too absurd to address. However, sources in the Colts organization said if enacted, Jim Caldwell would support the move since it would give him more time in the trainer's room to treat his chronic mental constipation which has been exacerbated by prolonged exposure to Curtis Painter.
Reid concluded, "Look the fourth quarter makes less sense than people who order meals at McDonald's and get them with a Diet Coke. I don't believe in that. In fact, when I hit the drive thru I don't mess around. I pour out the soda and then refill the cup with pure Karo Syrup. Nothing goes better with a quadruple quarter-pounder and a vat of fries than 32 ounces of sweet Karo Syrup over a little ice."
More on this story as it develops........