Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Syracuse T-Shirt Planning Guide

The fine folks who run SU Athletics LOVE to make T-shirts. It isn't an ordinary love either - it's a Lindsay Lohan and cocaine type of love. A Dion Waiters and retweeting kind of love. We are talking about the type of deep, abiding, committed love that most of us cannot begin to understand. Consider the fact that on their web site there are 233 different t-shirts you can purchase.

And if you just can't find anything among those 233 that tickles your fancy, there's no need to fear -- simply wait a minute and a new shirt will appear. Just this year alone they've added a shirt celebrating their long gone number one ranking, the awesome 20-0 shirt (they lost the next game) and their latest offering which celebrates Jim Boeheim's 880th win.

It goes without saying that the people who bought the 800 win shirt are severely behind the times.

However, economic times are still tough and with two and half weeks left in the season there's no telling how many more shirts SU will pump out. People can't be expected to purchase costly T-shirts based solely based on the whims of SU Athletics. You don't want to purchase the latest and greatest shirt that comes down the pike and then find yourself short of funds for the next one because you went on a Thunderbird bender.

So what is a fan to do? The answer is simple -- planning. Lucky for you, we here at Three Idiots on Sports are ALL ABOUT planning so we've done the hard work for you. Using careful research and our proprietary T-shirt prediction software, we have crunched the numbers and can now accurately predict the next batch of T-shirts that will be produced.

We've researched upcoming Syracuse basketball milestones and the T-shirts they will inevitably spawn and put them all in a handy guide that will help you pick and choose exactly where to allocate your precious T-shirt dollars. Unfortunately we don't have any of the T-shirt prototypes, but rest assured, the people that make shirts like this won't screw any of these up.

Three Idiots on Sports T-Shirt Planning Guide

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Jim Boeheim's 4,958th documented nose pick. With just two more knuckle dives the Hall of Fame coach will pass Henry Iba for the most nose candy harvested on the bench in a career. Iba was such a nose-picking aficionado rumor has it he had a special spoon made to dig for gold more efficiently. The number 4,958 will look a little odd on a shirt, but the nose will be to die for.

Predicted date: This Sunday against Rutgers.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: The Syracuse cheer squad's 500th consecutive perfect pyramid. On January 7th 1997 Sally Merkin's fat ass fell off the pyramid during a cheer routine at the under 12 timeout in SU's loss to Boston College. It was a faux pas that led the Orange on a downward spiral that resulted in an NIT appearance that year. Since that point, every pyramid has been perfect. You'll want to let other teams know that this cheer squad is not to be messed with. Coincidentally, Sally Merkin went on to star in a snuff film.

Predicted date: Feb 22, against USF.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Mookie Jones' return to the team. While it's been reported Mookie will be back next year, we have a good source that tells us Mr. Jones will make a surprise appearance at the RAC. As he walks out of the tunnel with Matt Park will inevitably scream "Oh My God, that's Mookie's Music," and then punch Matt Roe in the face.  The Mookpocalypse shirt is sure to be an awesome T, even better than all the Angry Ottos that are available.

Predicted Date: Sunday against Rutgers.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Matt Tomaszewski's record setting three point shooting. Everyone's favorite walk-on, sharp shooting Matty T has connected on 57% of his three point shots this year and with it unlikely that he'll see any kind of playing time for the rest of the season, this .571 shooting percentage should stand up. Such an accomplishment obviously  screams T-shirt. So start planning to purchase your "Matty T for 3" shirt with the numbers .571 on the back now.

Predicted Date: End of the season.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Scoop Jardine's 250th anguished expression. The Philly Flash is having a very good year and #TeamJardine supporters everywhere are rightfully happy for the veteran point guard, but inevitably at some point in every game Scoop throws a pass out of bounds and elicits a less than kind reaction from Mr. Boeheim. Scoop always reacts accordingly, and that reaction absolutely needs to be memorialized in a nice cotton blend.

Predicted Date: It's already happened, the screen printer is just backed up right now.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Mike Hopkins' One millionth awkward high-five. After Boeheim has ripped every guy on the team and their mother a new a-hole, someone needs to build the guys back up, and that someone is coach-in-waiting (maybe forever) Mike Hopkins.  Why not celebrate Hop's awkward celebrations yourself with a snazzy shirt? Mike and Melo already love the idea.

Predicted Date: Friday of the Big East Tournament.

So there you have it folks, if you use this guide you'll never miss out on another great SU T-shirt again.


Anonymous said...

And of course there is always my idea, the "Please no more more shirts" shirt.

Andrew said...

Overall funny, but the cheerleading fall actually happened on National TV during the Georgetown game in 1982. After that the university banned pyramids