Monday, February 27, 2012

Someone Needs to Introduce Mike Sweetney to Jenny Craig

Former Georgetown star Mike Sweetney made at least $8.6 million playing in the NBA and by the looks of him now he spent every dime of it.....on donuts.

Mike Sweetney's waist size exceeds his jersey number by at least 10
Photo via John Ledesma via Brian Goodman 

He's apparently playing in Puerto Rico now and getting paid in empanadas.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Night the Platinum Almost Died: Syracuse Survives Against USF

Brandon Triche expresses how we all feel about these uniforms
The Syracuse Orange showed up on Jim Boeheim Court sporting their hideous Nike designed platinum uniforms and promptly scored 5 points in the first 10 minutes of their game against South Florida. The Orange/Platinum rallied to defeat a scrappy South Florida squad 56-48, but the game was as ugly as the jerseys on the players backs.

With any luck platinum will go the way of the blue jerseys and we won't be visually assaulted by these monstrosities for a long, long time. I wish I could say the same for the damage Bob Wenzel did to our ears tonight, but we'll get to that in a minute.

Here are 5 observations from the win

1. Scoop Jardine has never been afraid to step up and try to make a play when the team needs it. As we all know it hasn't always worked out well in the past. That's all changed so far this year. As the season has gone along he's gotten better and better and better. With the Orange floundering on offense in the first half, Scoop stepped up and got the team going on both ends of the floor. When USF made it interesting late in the second half and SU couldn't throw the ball in an ocean from a rowboat, Scoop stepped up again. You need great point guard play to go deep in March - right now SU has it.

2. Conversely, Dion Waiters and Brandon Triche are locked in a deadly battle to see who can struggle more. Brian Barrett pointed out that Triche hasn't hit double figures since January 28th. While Dion is playing better, he's not sharing the ball as well as he was early in the season and is drawing the ire of Boeheim more and more. Both of these guys have to figure it out soon because the Orange need more production from that spot. James Southerland also looks lost lately, but the team doesn't rely on him the way they do Waiters and Triche.

3. Huge kudos to Kris Joseph for attacking the basket and being aggressive on the offensive glass. He really struggled with his shot but didn't let that stop him from getting points in ways other than jump shots. I'm not sure we would have seen that last year. Kris and Scoop willed this team to victory.

4. If I had to watch 30 South Florida basketball games I'd become a field hockey fan. I know Stan Heath is just doing what he has to do to win, but it saps the enjoyment out of the game. I had some kid duties I had to attend to and didn't get to the game right at its start time - so I caught up watching the game on DVR. Let me tell you, those 30 second USF offensive possessions in the first half were brutal, especially when I had the fast forward button available to me. I couldn't quite get get myself to skip through those possessions, which is kind like not fast forwarding through a Richard Simmons workout.

5. Bob Wenzel as an announcer makes Bob Wenzel the coach look like John Wooden. I didn't write every dumb thing he said down because I'd develop instant carpel tunnel. but at various times throughout the broadcast he informed us that -- the USF point guard can penetrate through things; he said SU should play man to man (they haven't played a minute of man since December) and he expressed shock that Fab Melo made a free throw (Fab makes 2 out of every 3 free throws). Clearly there are too many Division I teams if any network needs Bob to call a game.

Bob Wenzel is smiling because he knows he's about to ruin your night

And with that, let's agree never to discuss this game again.

Getting to Know Stan Heath

Whose the man? Stan's the man - that's who
The Syracuse Platinum take on the South Florida Bulls tonight and both teams have decidedly different goals. The Bulls are on the NCAA tournament bubble and Syracuse is hoping to extend its lead in the Big East conference and continue the push for a number one seed.

The teams do not have a lot of shared history or any semblance of a rivalry and with SU headed to the ACC, this isn't going to change. The thing I will personally miss the most about not playing South Florida is the fact that I'll forget to check Voodoo Five - which is a fantastic blog, especially given the fact that I could care less about the teams it covers.

However, even though we won't be seeing much of USF anymore, it's always nice to have a better feel for the upcoming opponent. So, much like we did with Georgetown Coach John Thompson, here are 10 things you might not know* about South Florida Head Coach Stan Heath.

* Because most of them aren't really far as we know

1. He was born as Stanley Kowalski, a poor black child who changed his name to Heath after becoming infatuated with the candy bar.

2. Stan uses Carnuba wax on both his head and his mustache. He's efficient that way.

3. He would still be the coach at Arkansas if Bill Clinton hadn't found him in bed with one of his former "advisers."

4. Stan is an inspirational figure - so inspirational he's inspired people to create a web site calling for him to be fired.

5. He respects Martell Webster's court awareness.

6. He is a staunch supporter of the Million Mustache March.

7. He died in 2010.

8. Stan's sense of fashion is inspired by Tom Haverford.

9. Skip Holtz secretly wishes he had a name as cool as Stan.

10. He really understands how to save his curtains from's all about cat trees people.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Ebay Item of the Week: A $45,000 Autographed Syracuse Football

For the price of a new Lexus, this football autographed by the 1959 National Champion Syracuse Football team would make a fine addition to your Syracuse man cave.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Seven Takeaways From Syracuse's Win Over Rutgers

The Syracuse Orange traveled to Rutgers on Sunday and unlike the cast of Jersey Shore, the Orange didn't have to jump on any grenades and walked out of the RAC with a 74-64 victory. The win wouldn't have been possible without the stellar play of Scoop Jardine and CJ Fair, who each were selected by Syracuse's random star of the game generator.

We always just assume you've read Axe's post-game recaps, so now that you are done with those, here are seven things this idiot took away from the game.

1. Like most people that have a functioning auditory system, I've never been a big fan of Doris "dropping deuces" Burke, but I actually think she was pretty good yesterday. The fact that she was paired with an underrated pro in Bob Wischusen helped. I fully expect people to disagree with this, but yesterday those two had a nice game.

2. I don't care that he's been up and down all year; Gilvydas Biruta can play on my team any day of the week. I really liked the energy he played with - and he also knows how to use his body to shield the ball and get off shots against bigger, more athletic opponents. The fact that he looks like he drives an 87 Camaro and tries to pick up girls that are still seniors in high school is a bonus.

3. As mentioned above, Scoop and CJ Fair were amazing yesterday. You saw the game; you don't need me to tell you that. Fair's array of in-game dunks is nothing short of spectacular - if he doesn't pull off the Terence Stansbury Statue of Liberty 360 dunk (30 seconds into the video below) I'll be disappointed.

4. We've talked about how Baye Keita has struggled this year and that was evident in the first half when Jim Boeheim turned to Rakeem Christmas to spell Fab Melo instead of Baye. It didn't work out any better and Baye still played in this game, but you can tell the hall of famer is looking for more defensive consistency out of the backup center spot.

5. Rutgers students made a ton of big heads for the game - including a couple of Jeremy Lin. I mean the Springsteen ones I get - he's actually from New Jersey. Jeremy Lin is from California, went to school in Boston and plays in New York. Come on man, that's moronic. A Whitney Houston big head would have been more appropriate.

6. Kris Joseph had a nice game that would have been better had he not borrowed Keita's oven mitts and turned the ball over a few times. The one weakness that appears at random times is his ball handling.

7. Everyone's favorite ref that looks like an old woman made an appearance Sunday and Jim Burr was at this best...pissing off both fan bases with bad calls on both ends of the court. Consider the following tweets -- and pay attention the the times they were issued - highlighted in yellow.

Take a bow Jimmy, take a bow.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Syracuse T-Shirt Planning Guide

The fine folks who run SU Athletics LOVE to make T-shirts. It isn't an ordinary love either - it's a Lindsay Lohan and cocaine type of love. A Dion Waiters and retweeting kind of love. We are talking about the type of deep, abiding, committed love that most of us cannot begin to understand. Consider the fact that on their web site there are 233 different t-shirts you can purchase.

And if you just can't find anything among those 233 that tickles your fancy, there's no need to fear -- simply wait a minute and a new shirt will appear. Just this year alone they've added a shirt celebrating their long gone number one ranking, the awesome 20-0 shirt (they lost the next game) and their latest offering which celebrates Jim Boeheim's 880th win.

It goes without saying that the people who bought the 800 win shirt are severely behind the times.

However, economic times are still tough and with two and half weeks left in the season there's no telling how many more shirts SU will pump out. People can't be expected to purchase costly T-shirts based solely based on the whims of SU Athletics. You don't want to purchase the latest and greatest shirt that comes down the pike and then find yourself short of funds for the next one because you went on a Thunderbird bender.

So what is a fan to do? The answer is simple -- planning. Lucky for you, we here at Three Idiots on Sports are ALL ABOUT planning so we've done the hard work for you. Using careful research and our proprietary T-shirt prediction software, we have crunched the numbers and can now accurately predict the next batch of T-shirts that will be produced.

We've researched upcoming Syracuse basketball milestones and the T-shirts they will inevitably spawn and put them all in a handy guide that will help you pick and choose exactly where to allocate your precious T-shirt dollars. Unfortunately we don't have any of the T-shirt prototypes, but rest assured, the people that make shirts like this won't screw any of these up.

Three Idiots on Sports T-Shirt Planning Guide

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Jim Boeheim's 4,958th documented nose pick. With just two more knuckle dives the Hall of Fame coach will pass Henry Iba for the most nose candy harvested on the bench in a career. Iba was such a nose-picking aficionado rumor has it he had a special spoon made to dig for gold more efficiently. The number 4,958 will look a little odd on a shirt, but the nose will be to die for.

Predicted date: This Sunday against Rutgers.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: The Syracuse cheer squad's 500th consecutive perfect pyramid. On January 7th 1997 Sally Merkin's fat ass fell off the pyramid during a cheer routine at the under 12 timeout in SU's loss to Boston College. It was a faux pas that led the Orange on a downward spiral that resulted in an NIT appearance that year. Since that point, every pyramid has been perfect. You'll want to let other teams know that this cheer squad is not to be messed with. Coincidentally, Sally Merkin went on to star in a snuff film.

Predicted date: Feb 22, against USF.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Mookie Jones' return to the team. While it's been reported Mookie will be back next year, we have a good source that tells us Mr. Jones will make a surprise appearance at the RAC. As he walks out of the tunnel with Matt Park will inevitably scream "Oh My God, that's Mookie's Music," and then punch Matt Roe in the face.  The Mookpocalypse shirt is sure to be an awesome T, even better than all the Angry Ottos that are available.

Predicted Date: Sunday against Rutgers.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Matt Tomaszewski's record setting three point shooting. Everyone's favorite walk-on, sharp shooting Matty T has connected on 57% of his three point shots this year and with it unlikely that he'll see any kind of playing time for the rest of the season, this .571 shooting percentage should stand up. Such an accomplishment obviously  screams T-shirt. So start planning to purchase your "Matty T for 3" shirt with the numbers .571 on the back now.

Predicted Date: End of the season.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Scoop Jardine's 250th anguished expression. The Philly Flash is having a very good year and #TeamJardine supporters everywhere are rightfully happy for the veteran point guard, but inevitably at some point in every game Scoop throws a pass out of bounds and elicits a less than kind reaction from Mr. Boeheim. Scoop always reacts accordingly, and that reaction absolutely needs to be memorialized in a nice cotton blend.

Predicted Date: It's already happened, the screen printer is just backed up right now.

T-Shirt Inspiring Milestone: Mike Hopkins' One millionth awkward high-five. After Boeheim has ripped every guy on the team and their mother a new a-hole, someone needs to build the guys back up, and that someone is coach-in-waiting (maybe forever) Mike Hopkins.  Why not celebrate Hop's awkward celebrations yourself with a snazzy shirt? Mike and Melo already love the idea.

Predicted Date: Friday of the Big East Tournament.

So there you have it folks, if you use this guide you'll never miss out on another great SU T-shirt again.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

John Marinatto Turns to Doublemint Gum to Solve the Big East's Scheduling Woes

"When faced with a hard decision, I look to our office vending machine for inspiration."

Let's make Syracuse and Rutgers play each other twice next football season.  Bravo John, bravo.

Ebay Item of the Week: This Picture of Fab Makes Me Feel Uncomfortable

Don't get me wrong, I'm as big of fan of Fab as the next guy.   There's just something about this picture that has me a little uneasy hanging it over the fireplace.

Five Observations From Syracuse's Victory Over Georgetown

For Hoya Suxa the mission has been accomplished, the Hoyas were destroyed

The Syracuse Orange defeated the hated Georgetown Hoyas in overtime last night, winning 64-61. Let that be a lesson to you people - good always prevails over evil - unless you're dealing with your insurance company, then you're screwed.

Here are five quick observations on the win.

1. Obviously SU doesn't win without Fab Melo last night. His improvement has been so dramatic and he's so far ahead of Baye Keita and Rakeem Christmas that I'm convinced Syracuse wouldn't win the Big East without him. He's that good.

2. Jim Boeheim was rightfully pissed about the rebounding problems last night and much of that stems from the build of the team. SU doesn't have a true power forward on the roster. Christmas starts but is almost always out of the game before the first TV timeout. CJ Fair is a willing rebounder, but he's not big enough to hold his own and Kris Joseph would rather bath with rattlesnakes than put his ass into someone and go get the ball.

Everyone's hero Doug Gottlieb correctly pointed out on Sportscenter last night that the guards have to do a better job as well. Scoop and Dion in particular  are too eager to leak out on the break rather than track down the ball.

3. Rebounding woes aside, holy hell Kris Joseph was amazing on the offensive end of the floor. He shot over the top of the Georgetown zone and when the Hoyas went man to man he beat his guy off the dribble and got to the rim. This isn't exactly insightful, but it was clearly the best offensive game of his career - because no one else really got it going. Say it with me, Kris Joseph - go to guy.

4. The great Anish Shroff of ESPN (SU Alum) dubbed Dion Waiters the Retweeter last night. As far as I'm concerned, that's his name from now on. It seems to me the spectacular early season play of the Retweeter has gone to his head. Early in the year the Retweeter was beating guys off the dribble and sharing the ball. Now he's looking for his shot too much, even when other guys (cough - K. Joseph - cough) were red hot. The fact that Scoop and the Retweeter couldn't get Joseph a look at the end of regulation was inexcusable. That isn't exactly humble and hungry play.

5.  Don't worry people, Brandon Triche is safe and sound in the witness protection program. For all the talk about SU's depth -- and the team is crazy deep - six guys had more than 5 minutes of playing time last night. At the end of the day, Boeheim is who he is - a guy that is going to find his guys and ride them.  It's working, so I'm not complaining - just pointing it out.

Go Orange

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Sons of Evil - 10 Things You May Not Know About JT III

Kim Jung Un and John Thompson III have much in common

Kim Jung Thompson leads his band of international incident inducing thugs into the Carrier Dome tonight to take on the noble Syracuse Orange. Like his kindred spirit Kim Jung Un, Thompson inherited the reigns of an evil regime from his father and like North Korea, the world knows while he's mildly incompetent, he must be kept in check nonetheless.

After taking over as the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Time Magazine did a piece on 10 things you might not know about Kim Jung Un. It is filled with interesting nuggets such as how he had his picture taken with Toni Kukoc and how he reportedly had plastic surgery to look more like his grandfather.

While Kim Jung Thompson has been the leader of Georgetown since 2004, there is much we don't know about the leader of this nefarious program. So, we here at T3I are proud to present you with 10 things you might not know about John Thompson III.

1. He puts mayo on hot dogs.

2. He still writes checks at the supermarket.

3. He has unsuccessfully lobbied Georgetown officials for years to get on the kiss cam during games, and sitting next to JT III was reportedly a condition of Kevin Broadus' return to the program.

4. He recently pulled a hamstring trying to "Tebow."

5. He lists Skip Bayless as his "intellectual idol."

6. He often submits letters to the editor to the Onion.

7. He once ordered Kobe beef at a restaurant and was confused when Kobe Bryant didn't appear to greet him.

8. He has a tramp stamp.....of Kathie Lee Gifford.

9. At night in his room he has pretend tea parties with his Andre Hawkins and Michael Graham dolls. The parties always break up when Graham sucker punches Hawkins for drinking all the Earl Grey.

10. He looks just like the Hoya mascot.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Allen Iverson to Practice in Puerto Rico?

From Los That Sports Blog we learn today that Allen Iverson is being courted by a Puerto Rican professional basketball team. With AI's options limited at best right now, and given the fact that he could make $20,000 a month, it seems like something he'd want to consider -- especially since jewelry isn't cheap.

Of course, if he does go through with it there will be challenges, like the language barrier. However, we are kind souls around here so we went to the trouble of going to Google translate and popping in Allen's favorite saying:

"estamos hablando de la práctica"

For those of you who don't speak spanish, loosely this means:

Even Aaron Rodgers likes to talk about practice....

Monday, February 6, 2012

Brent Musburger and Bobby Knight to Call SU-Georgetown

When Syracuse takes on Georgetown in a rivalry-week game this Wednesday, SU fans watching from home will be in for treat as Brent Musburger and Bobby Knight will be calling the action. I always enjoy these two and it will be nice to bring them back east, as it always seems like they are working games in the south or midwest.

And if the action on the court isn't riveting enough, it's always fun to listening to Brent make things interesting depending on who he has action on that evening or seeing what lovely ladies are really into the General.....

The Giants Beat the Patriots Taiwanese Animation Style

As a Philadelphia Eagles fan, there's nothing more bitter than watching the Giants win the SuperBowl. Champ is a long-suffering Raiders fan and at least got to root against Tom Brady, against whom he has held a decade-long grudge thanks to the tuck rule. However, I obviously couldn't root for a rival and also find Belicheat and the Patriots only slightly less-reprehensible than Brandon Jacobs and the rest of "big blue."

So while watching the game wasn't much fun for me, you know what was? Watching the Taiwanese animation version of the highlights which are below. They include:
  • Mario Manningham catching a pass with a basket
  • God using players from the old vibrating football game to set up the rematch from 4 years ago
  • Madonna using a walker
  • God hating Tom Brady
If I could have watched the whole game in Taiwanese animation it would have kicked ass.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Mount Dunkmore

Photo: AP

Here are a few of the many things that I can't stand about the World Wide Leader, ESPN:  their basketball analysts referring to forwards/centers as "bigs", those god-awful DJ Porter mixes they force down our throats, anything Tim Tebow, and their "Mount Rushmore" campaigns from a while ago.

Well Michael Carter Williams' dunk yesterday has me stepping out of my glass house and offering up some of the best dunks in Syracuse hoops history:

First up: MCW

This one from Jonny never gets old:

Hak, '03 Final Four:

I think Hak actually outdoes himself here at ND.  Bonus points for Raft on the call:

(**Old Man Alert**)  To the kids out there, had Youtube been around, you'd see plenty of clips featuring Stevie Thompson, Herman "The Helicopter" Harried, Dave Johnson and of course the high-flying Dave Siock.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Ron Swanson's Guide to Throwing a Super Bowl Party

Tip #1:  Never serve vegan food.

Tip #2:  If you're shopping for party supplies at anywhere other than "Food and Stuff," you're just wasting your time.

Tip #3:  Not sure what to serve?  You can't go wrong with a Meat Tornado.

Tip #4:  Remember to find time to toss around the pigskin.

Tip #5:  Don't worry about your caloric intake on Sunday, that's just un-American.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012