Friday, January 18, 2013

This Kid is a Better Announcer Than You Are

Via our good friend Brent Axe comes this video of a four year old Syracuse fan announcing the SU basketball team. A few points:

1) He's great
2) He's already clearly better than current announcer Mike Veley
3) He pronounces Rakeem Christmas the same way Lou Holtz would if he ever attempted such a feat
4) Hopefully he's available to work birthday parties and bar mitzvahs because I want to hire him.

Good work little fella, your future is bright.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Friends of Manti Come to His Defense

"Yeah we dated, no big deal.
Haunted amusement parks and old abandoned mansions hold a lot of special memories for us."
"His Heisman would have looked perfect next to our Grammys."

"Say anything bad about him and I'll dropkick you into the Phooey-mobile."

"Grimace and I loved to hit the club scene in South Bend with him."
"Dude's a helluva swimmer."

The Must Have 2013 Notre Dame T-Shirt

After getting blown out of the National Championship game -- and having the image and mythology of Notre Dame tarnished my Manti Te'o's fake dead girlfriend, it's clearly time for Notre Dame fans to find a new rallying cry for 2013 -- and we couldn't think of a better one than the slogan on this fake T-shirt that's been circulating on the Internet today.

You can buy your very own shirt here.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Ebay Item of the Week: Off To Buffalo

Coach Marrone, a little something from us to help you with all those moving boxes.

Thank you for resurrecting a program that was on life support due to a severe case of Post Traumatic Greg Robinson Syndrome.  We'll miss you.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Ten Things More Competitive Than The BCS Title Game

It was a stomping indeed.

This one was over by the end of the first quarter.  Here are ten match ups more competitive than last night's "title" game.

1.  Creed-Drago

2.  The First Gulf War (RIP Gen. Schwarzkopf)

3.  Reagan vs. Mondale '84

4.   Tyson-Spinks

 5.  Any Globetrotters vs. Generals game from the last 40 years

6.  Road Runner vs. Coyote

7.  France vs. Germany, 1940

8.  Liam Neeson vs. the bad guys in Taken

9.   The Battle of Hoth

10.  The Laff-A-Lympics

Instant Analysis: Scott Shafer Reported to be Next Syracuse Coach

Current Syracuse defensive coordinator Scott Shafer will be named the new Syracuse head football coach according to Bruce Feldman of CBS Sports. The move makes a lot sense for a number of reasons, the most important of which is that it will allow us to make millions of Schaefer Beer references.

While there has been no official word from the University, it's a move that's been widely speculated about today. Let's take a look at the pros and cons.


* It keeps continuity going in a clearly ascending program. It will give the program a chance to retain most of the coaching staff, especially since Marrone is looking for NFL experience as he assembles a staff in Buffalo.

* Hiring Shafer affords them the best opportunity to keep the current recruiting class together. While small, it includes two promising quarterbacks and some JUCO guys that have the chance to help immediately. A long search and a new regime could have led to a ton of defections. Recruiting is so damn sleazy.

* He's proven himself to be an excellent defensive coordinator, using creative schemes to get the most out of what has been an undersized defense. When your starting linebackers weight 60 pounds less than Sebastian Janikowski and you can still stop people - that's impressive.

* By all accounts he's a fired up, emotional guy. We saw first hand this year how this team responds to emotion from its leader.

* He came in with Marrone, he understands the culture that has been created here and has been a part of creating it. That culture has turned around a program on life support.

* He'll come cheap. Yesterday he was potentially looking at unemployment. He's not negotiating a contract from a position of strength, especially as a first time head coach.

* He was a college quarterback and as a guy who studies offenses for a living, he should have a good idea of what he wants the offense to look like. Ideally he will be able to keep Nate Hackett as the offensive coordinator -- which will be important since the offense is losing a lot of key players from this year's team.

* He's been coaching college football for 20 years. The coaching fraternity is small - having been in the college game for two decades, he's likely got a long list of contacts he can tap to fill out missing parts of the coaching staff. At a minimum SU needs a special teams coordinator and the program will surely have a few more vacancies to fill.

* Have you seen some of the names that were being tossed around?

* He knows when your boss makes a joke - you laugh.


* He's never been a head coach anywhere, at any level. The last defensive coordinator Daryl Gross hired who had never been a head coach before at any level -- his name was Greg Robinson.

* He's never been an offensive coach before and there's no guarantee Hackett stays. I could see him heading back to Buffalo as a QB  coach. Hell, even if Hackett does stay, let's not forget when SU was 2-4 people weren't sending the 33 year old love letters.

* It's late to be finding and hiring staff. There is only a month until signing day and if all or part of the offensive staff leaves, SU could be in real trouble on that side of the ball. Finding quality assistants that don't have jobs won't be easy and this task is made tougher since it's long been rumored that working as an assistant as SU isn't exactly the way to get rich. Hiring Shafer could lead to a big step back on offense.

* He's an emotional guy. While it's true I've listed that as a good thing, it's a fine line between emotion and being stark raving mad. You add a fiery personality to the increased pressure that comes with being a head coach and you never really know what you're going to get.

* There doesn't appear to have been much of a search. Shafer's name has never come up in connection with other head coach opportunities. Did SU panic and not do enough due diligence in finding the next guy?


Personally I like the move. It makes a lot of sense, especially if there's a plan/hope to retain the offensive staff and continue the uptempo, successful offense that set records this year. Hiring a coach is one giant crap shoot and considering the time of year, SU's resources and position in the college football world, and the fact that what we've seen from Scott Shafer in four seasons has generally been outstanding work, I'm comfortable going with a guy we know, and a guy that knows the program.

Good luck Coach Shafer and thank you for opening the door for years of shitty beer jokes. God we love shitty beer jokes. Look, when Basil Rathbone "endorses" the Syracuse football coach, you can do no wrong.

Go Orange.

Monday, January 7, 2013

It's Shafer Time!

We know...we's spelled S-H-A-F-E-R.

Anyways, congrats on the promotion, Coach.

Welcome to Schaefer Shafer City:

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Did Doug Marrone and Daryl Gross Live Up To Their Respective Words?

We'll let you decide.  The T3I hot tub time machine takes you back to four years ago when AD Daryl Gross and then new SU Head Coach Doug Marrone commented on Doug's hiring.

This Week In Syracuse Football Through the Music of Lawrence Welk and '80s Hair Bands

 It's a Doug Marrone playlist day here at T3I as Bruce gets the week off.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

New Year's Resolutions

Well 2013 is two days old and already big things are happening - Jim Boeheim has passed Bob Knight, winning his 903rd game, Louisville upset the Florida Gators in the Sugar Bowl, and the fiscal cliff has been averted....for now. However, there's a lot of 2013 left and that means one thing - resolutions. Here are mine and please keep in mind I can't speak for Champ. Hell I can't even locate him right now, I heard he's on the West Coast negotiating to bring Greg Robinson back to coach Syracuse.

With that being said, in 2013 I do hereby resolve:

* To not engage with, read, or give attention to the growing legion of sports media figures whose soul purpose in life is to troll their audiences to solicit a reaction and attention. I'm tired of guys like Doug Gottlieb, Skip Bayless, and Marcus Hayes. In order to survive, they need you to be enraged with their BOLD OPINIONS and ABSOLUTE TRUTHS. They will tell you they deal if FACTS when in reality they deal only in the currency of pissing you off to chase page views and rating points. If you really want to get to these guys, ignore them. Unfollow them on Twitter. Turn the TV when they invade your set. Change the channel when they come on the radio. Embrace serenity.

* To tell as many people as possible to follow Celebrity Hot Tub on Twitter. While he's a college football specialist, the man is a master of humor, mockery, sarcasm and insanity - all delivered in a 140 characters or less.

* To not go shopping with Michael Carter-Williams.

* To find new analogies to truly paint a picture of how bad many of the broadcasters are that work college basketball games. I understand eight million games are televised a week and someone has to call them. However, just because these idiots butcher the English language and offer trite bromides and tired platitudes about the play on the floor, that doesn't mean you should have suffer through my old jokes mocking them. I resolve find new ways to excoriate them.

* To write more on this dopey blog. Our son turns one this weekend and while he's beyond awesome, these little bastards take up insane amounts of time and energy. I have no idea who Champ manages to get anything up, as he's had kids about as long as this blog has been in existence.

* To not change the name of the blog, even though there are only two of us. It adds to the idiocy of the space.

* To grow my own version of a Duck Dynasty beard. This resolution will not last, but a man has to have dreams. Long, hideous, facial hair dreams.

I can only dream of growing facial hair this glorious

* To never buy a T-shirt SU Athletics creates to commemorate an event.  I've still got my Gerry McNamara OVERRATED T-shirt from 2006. It's covered in paint and doesn't fit great anymore, but it looks great.

* To finish the damn book I've been reading since my son was born. I used to read when I didn't fall asleep on the couch in a puddle of my own drool every night.

Happy 2013 friends. Thanks for still reading after all these years - we're looking forward to continuing to bring you idiocy.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

GRob 2.0

"Daryl, there's a reason I kept the orange sweater vest in storage."

The internets are all abuzz with the talk of Doug Marrone interviewing for a potential NFL head coaching gig.  If he does move on, the focus in CNY will turn to Doug's replacement.  Following the lead of Barry Alvarez and Bill Snyder, we've assembled a collective list of reasons to bring back Greg Robinson:

*  he still has his Wegman's Shopper's Club card

* he could finally drop off his overdue copy of The Little Engine That Could to the Onondaga County Public Library

*  Return of "spread out, you have a whole row to yourself" for Dome attendees

*  No more fighting for game day parking spots on the hill

*  Pumpkin uniforms...bring 'em back

*  Forget a practice facility, increased attendance, or cowbell, what the Orange need is more beaver

*  ACC coaches HIGHLY endorse this idea

*  snowball....hee hee hee....catching fire....hee hee hee

*  Ala Gerry McNamara and Kia, there are plenty of endorsement opportunities in CNY for GRob

*  Nobody reads a Wikipedia page like our boy Greg: