Well, it looks like it's gotten to this point - Syracuse has lost so many football players it's time to pull an Akron and put an ad in the paper looking for players.
Since I'm sure the athletic department is busy, I've taken the liberty of drafting the ad for them - they can use it at no charge, call it the T3I gift to SU Athletics.
Wanted: Experienced Football Players
The Syracuse University football program is looking for ANY former high school football players to join the team for the duration of the season. Candidates should have:
- A love of curfews
- A hatred of casinos
- An aversion to injuries
- A deep, abiding commitment to not celebrate Halloween
- An allergic reaction to Bojangles
- A knowledge of team rules so thorough you make Stephen Hawking look dumb
- No qualms about being put on the field to cheap shot and injure players on opposing teams to level the playing field.
Interested candidates should apply at the SU football office.
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